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SIYE Time:10:46 on 29th March 2024
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Popular Plumbing
By Spenser Hemmingway

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Category: Post-OotP, Alternate Universe
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Ron Weasley
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fluff, Humor
Warnings: None
Story is Complete
Rating: PG
Reviews: 11
Summary: Near the end of his sixth year, Harry and Ginny are together, but how did they convince Ron that it should be a foursome. Flashback (sort of) from post-HBP.
Hitcount: Story Total: 4687



Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.





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Popular Plumbing

By Spenser Hemmingway


If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.”–-Albert Einstein



“Spenser I’m going to hex you into next week, you flippin’ gyrespud!”

Harry, Ginny, and I looked up from our places in the Gryffindor Common Room. Ron was storming at us from the house entrance, his wand already drawn and pointed at my head. Saying he was angry would be like saying that Ginny and Hermione were only pretty. Was that really smoke coming off of the tip of his wand?

“He’s seen it Spense,” Harry said, smiling over at me. I just calmly nodded back, knowing (okay…hoping) that Ron wouldn’t really hurt me. Ginny must not have been as confident, because she quickly rose, and went to intercept her brother. Harry just shook his head, trying not to laugh at his best friend.

“Ron, put that away. Harry and I told him he should publish the story. You didn’t seem to mind when he offered to let you proofread it last week.” Ginny was forcefully pushing Ron back now, lifting his wand hand away from me. “He changed our names in the version that he gave the magazine. We are all safe. The Muggles think it’s just a cute story.”

“Cute story? He put it in a Muggle trade journal! Popular Plumbing, right between an article about properly caulking a loo, and a big advertisement for something called garbage disposals! You put my sister in a plumbing magazine!

“A very well-read plumbing magazine Ron.” I risked standing up and walking over to him. I did make a mental note to talk to my literary agent though. “Have you actually read the story?” I saw by how his face fell that he hadn’t. Ginny let go of Ron’s arm, seeing him relax.

I knew Harry was still sitting there biting his tongue, out of respect for his friend. He got up and walked over to my small backpack. “Spenser do you still have the original version you showed us?”

“Yeah Harry–-help yourself. No don’t look at the one with the red cover…that’s for Christmas.” I took the manuscript from him, and carefully offered it to Ron, not knowing if he would take my hand off with it. Ron finally put his wand away, opened the cover and began reading. He immediately jerked his head up with a surprised look.

“Yeah, I always wanted to start a story with that.


*****< /center>



It was a dark and stormy night. The lightning flashed almost rhythmically every few seconds, illuminating the garden and fields around the Burrow. Most of the bolts were at a great distance away, but occasionally one would strike closer to the Weasley home, mercifully sparing the house and the ancient trees that surround it. The swirling wind whipped the heavy rain about the yard, reflecting the lightning’s brief flash in an eerie, yet fascinating manner.

Harry, Ginny, and Ron were enjoying the storm from the protection of the gazebo the Weasleys had built in preparation for Bill’s wedding that coming summer. Mr. Weasley had surprised all of them earlier by placing a protective grounding spell on the structure, but all three still wore heavy rain gear to stop…well at least delay being drenched to the bone.

The three friends were on a very rare three-day holiday away from school. It was the result of an unexpected and very mysterious outbreak of specter pox that had broken out among the Hogwarts house-elves. Of course, the humans that came in contact with them couldn’t be infected, but, during the short period of time that the disease was running its course, the elves were prone to violent bouts of mischief. Ron had already been soaked with several gallons of pumpkin juice dumped over his head at breakfast, and poor Neville had been stripped to his shorts, and carried into the second-floor girls’ lavatory.

Harry was especially enjoying being with Ginny that evening. It had been just a few days since that wonderful kiss following the Quidditch game, and it still hadn’t sunk into his head yet how he and Ginny were now together. He wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about the girl yet, but he did know he was extremely happy to be curled up with her that evening. Harry was also pleased with how Ron had finally calmed down about the whole thing…at least as far as he could tell. He hadn’t threatened any part of Harry’s anatomy for two days past.

Ginny rested her head on Harry’s shoulder, and he put his arm around her. Yes, he definitely liked this. He looked over to Ron and was surprised at the far-off look on his face.

“Ron, are you all right?” Harry asked. His comment made Ginny glance at her brother as well. Ron acted as if he hadn’t heard them and continued to stare out into the storm.

“Three guesses Harry,” she said, “and the first two don’t count.” She gave Harry a grin, which told him she was up to something. Harry studied her face trying to find out what exactly she was going to do, but her smile in conjunction with Ron’s dour mood gave him an inkling of an idea. She stood, backed away from Harry and moved to the edge of the structure nearest the house. A quick flick of her wand in that direction, and she came back over to him, smiling even more than before.

The storm seemed to be building in strength, and it caused, or at least gave the excuse for, Ginny to snuggle up closer to Harry. He didn’t seem to mind, and, in fact, was really considering making a habit of it. Everything would be perfect that evening if it weren’t for Ron…and the need for wipers on his glasses. Was that why they called them spectacles? He thought he knew Ginny well enough though to trust her with whatever it was she was doing.

Ron barely paid any attention to his friend and sister. He seemed to be concentrating on the incoming gale and was angry at himself for thinking what he was. He missed Hermione. He was acting like a long-suffering twit over her. She was one of his two best friends, but that had to be all. No Ron, you are feeling something more aren’t you? Suddenly a pair of wet hands clamped themselves over his eyes. He instinctively grabbed them, but something inside stopped him from lashing out. Instead, he turned around, his blank look replaced with a broad smile that communicated to Harry and Ginny that they had been right.

“Hermione!”

The two stood there for a few brief moments, staring at each other and smiling like a couple love-struck school kids (well…yes…of course they were). Ginny leaned into Harry, and whispered into his ear, “He’s going to tell her.”

Ron and Hermione however were going to stay true to their past relationship. The smiles faded to uncomfortable expressions, and Ginny and Harry’s hopes were gone for the moment. They did notice that the two continued to hold hands; the problem being that Ron and Hermione hadn’t noticed it themselves.

“Hello Ron, I didn’t mean to spook you.” Her tone was formal, but anyone watching when the lightning came would have seen something far different in her eyes.

“Spook me? Spook me? I knew you were there all the time. Okay…maybe I didn’t, but you didn’t really give me a rise. I missed you though.” Did he really say that?

The rain whipped at both their faces, and Ron was glad Hermione couldn’t see his. She was pleased for the same reason, and as confused about things as Ron was. How did she feel about this friend who she thought she knew so well? They had talked about dating finally, but as friends, or what? She didn’t feel that way about Ron, did she? All at once the ceiling opened and the two were suddenly drenched with several gallons of rainwater, which, true to form, went down the backs of both of their rain slickers.

Ginny rushed over, and quickly climbed up to seal the gazebo roof. Unfortunately, the damage was already done. The mood she had tried to set up between them was gone, and her brother looked like a freshly bathed kitten standing there. She tried not to laugh, and she was happy for the dark night as much as the two had been earlier.

Hermione pulled her own soaked hair back off her face. “Ron, this is your fault! I just know that it is. What did you do?” she yelled at him, but with a touch of amusement in her voice.

“My fault? You probably did something to the roof when you snuck up on me,” Ron growled back, but also without any real intensity.

Harry moved over to Ginny. “I think I know what you’re trying to accomplish here Gin, but what do we do now? We both know how they feel about each other, but the storm is wrecking things.”

Ginny had a look of intense, desperate deliberation, trying to quickly come up with something to salvage the situation…the opportunity they had right then. All of a sudden it came to Harry. Like the lightning that was still flashing about them, it just struck him, and he turned to Ginny with a grin to match the evil one she had earlier.

The wind was picking up now, and they all knew the protective grounding spell would only offer so much help from the intense electric storm. The flashes were so frequent that it was as if the light was almost continuous. Harry turned to Ginny, gave her a quick, unexpected kiss on the cheek, and then risked an Apparition away from the structure, hoping the lightning would cover his underage magic.

Ginny was almost bowled over by Harry’s actions, and fluctuating between anger at what he had done, and the hope that he might be trying something to help. She knew that the elemental nature of electrical storms somehow blocked the detection of magic, but Apparating during one was extremely dangerous. Harry had just done it without thinking, merely on some whim that he could get Hermione and Ron together that night.

She sat back down and began to study her brother and Hermione. Across the floor, she could only make out a word or two here and there. Ginny couldn’t determine what their moods were, but she thought she could see embarrassed…reserved…happy looks. They hadn’t noticed when Harry had left, or when he returned five minutes later. He didn’t smile at Ginny as much as give her another mischievous grin. As he walked over to her, she was regretting not letting him in on Ron’s surprise earlier. Paybacks were…

“Ginny, do you trust me? I mean really trust me? I have something in mind for later.”

“Harry that is probably the stupidest thing that you’ve ever asked me. Okay apart from your wondering if I’d like to try barbequed tripe. In any case, I’ll go along with whatever you have in mind. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I smuggled Hermione here. Her folks are away in Oslo, and when we had to leave school, I just thought…”

Harry just smiled at her yet again, trying to decide if it would be okay to pull her into another hug. No, better not–-the Weasley brothers had made a point of sharpening the kitchen knives by hand in front of him. The storm was still increasing in intensity, and Harry wondered if it would be safe in the gazebo for much longer.

Hermione and Ron finally came over to them, and she gave Harry and Ginny a quick hug, but then a cautious look at the escalating tempest. She saw how captivated with the storm Ron had been, and, for a brief moment, wondered if he might have some connection to the tempest. No…but that was something she might ask him about later.

What the heck, Harry decided, and put his arm tentatively around Ginny, almost hoping Ron would do the same with Hermione. If either noticed, they made no movement toward each other. Harry imagined a scared look on Ron’s face, and a sad, reserved look on Hermione’s. Ron, you git, Harry thought. Still, he could hardly get into Ron’s face, at least until he decided what he felt for Ginny. Lightning struck about thirty feet in front of the structure, and they suddenly decided that, protection or not, it was time to get back to the house. They were all soaked to the skin, and the light show was getting too close to the front row. Stepping out into the weather, they hadn’t gone three steps before they stopped dead.

“Harry, Ron…we’ve got trouble, or the Muggles do.” George and Fred were running across the lawn, both talking at once, and without any raingear they noticed. Ron rarely saw his brothers in a serious mood, but knew, that when they needed to, they could drop the joking. This was one of those times, and it shook him a little. Ginny, he noted, had a similar reaction. Ron let go of Hermione’s hand, which again he hadn’t even noticed he was holding, and stepped up to the twins with Harry.

“Ron, Harry we just heard over the Wizard wireless…there’s some Muggles stuck out on a boat on Banther’s Lake. Their boat was struck by lightning, and the other Muggles can’t get to them. Mum and Dad are still at the Ministry, and no one can Apparate or Floo until all the lightning stops.” Fred had let George talk alone, aware that their famous tradeoff conversations would not be called for here. Ginny gave Harry a vicious look, remembering how he had just risked an Apparation minutes before.

Harry pulled away (reluctantly) from Ginny and walked over to Ron. “Mate you told me about that lake. You really know it well you said…every dip and curve. I’m with you if you want to help there. Fred, George can you keep trying to get through to your folks and maybe find us some help. Ron and I will see what we can do for them. Hermione, you should stay here and get warm. Ron and I can handle this without you.”

Ginny almost went for his throat. What are you telling Hermione? “Harry we’re coming too, and don’t you dare try to leave us behind.” She saw that Fred and George had slipped away, and wasn’t sure when they had done so. She also saw that Ron and Harry had already started off in the direction of the lake, which was about a mile and a half to the north of the house. Hermione was beside Ron, ignoring Harry’s words, and Ginny found herself directly to Harry’s right as they pressed on against the wind.

This wasn’t going at all well, Ginny thought. The people on the boat would need to be rescued, but they also needed to do whatever Harry had in mind to get Ron and Hermione together. Harry asked me to trust him with that tonight, but everything is going wrong. They had to help the Muggles, but Ginny couldn’t help but wonder about all of the bad timing.


*****



A twenty-five minute walk/run got them to the south shore, and, seeing the condition of the water, they doubled their speed in the direction of a still intact boathouse to the east of the lake. None of them could see the craft the Muggles were in on the lake, but they all noticed a small crowd of people to one side, trying to make out what was happening across the water. Harry stopped Ginny, and gave her a serious look, not saying a word, but letting her know that everything was going to be all right. For some reason she did relax, and she knew he would take care of everything here–-he and Ron would.

Harry and Ron approached the crowd and Harry nudged Ron into speaking to them. They were both surprised that such a group would be out in the middle of a raging gale.

“What’s going on out there?” Ron yelled over the storm. If possible, its intensity had actual increased in the few minutes since they arrived at the lake. He and Harry finally spotted the blue fishing boat about two hundred yards off the shore.

“No one saw it until about forty minutes ago. I don’t understand it. Who would go out in weather like this? They must have been caught unaware,” an older gentleman explained to Harry and Ron. “Poor saps–-the phone lines are down now. We can’t get help.”

Harry and Ron exchanged looks, and then both glanced over to the girls who already knew what the two had planned.

“Ronald Weasley, you will not go out there…or you Harry. We can get some more help.” Hermione was trying to maintain a stern look on her face, but what everyone saw was pure concern for her friends. She wracked her brain to try and come up with an alternative that would save the Muggles. She looked over to Harry with a pleading look and immediately saw that Ginny had a similar one.

“Ron, we can’t Apparate in this storm, and they’re too far off to try to pull them in. So how would you get us out there?” Harry studied his friend, and even though he had the solution, he wanted Ron to realize it himself. He spoke loud enough to ensure the girls had heard him. Their input could help as well.

“Harry, we’re going to have to take a boat out to get them.” Ron looked around them, and then swiftly pointed to a green twenty-five foot boat overturned at the water’s edge. Without asking permission, he ran up to it, and disregarding any Muggle eyes, magically righted the craft, and waved for Harry to join him as he moved it to the choppy water’s edge. Harry jumped in as Ron floated the boat, followed closely by Ginny and Hermione.

Ginny moved up to Harry as Ron began to magically move them through the rough water. Meeting his eyes, she was about to yell at him about what they were doing, when she remembered what he had asked of her an hour before…to trust him. Good sense should be overruling their swift action there, but how she felt about Harry superseded it.

The boat moved at a surprisingly good pace despite the rough water which insisted on joining them inside the small craft. The boat was apparently well-built, and, from what little he could see in the darkness, Harry decided that it seemed to have been properly cared for by its owners. The bow was about a foot higher than the sides, which had several sets of oarlocks. The rear had a place for what he decided had been a rudder, which unfortunately was missing, as were the oars.

“Um…Ron, how are we going to explain all this to the Muggles when we reach them?” Harry yelled over the howling wind, “There’s no motor or sail on this thing. How are we supposed to be moving?”

“I was hoping they might not notice that. Harry, you and Ginny had better start bailing though.”

Hermione had already braced herself in the bow and was illuminating their way with her wand. Even with the light that she projected, it was still hard to see the fishing vessel ahead of them. It also seemed to be moving farther away. Ron mumbled something the others couldn’t hear and circled the tip of his wand over the boat. Their speed picked up dramatically, resulting in a wash of water crashing over the bow…and Hermione.

Hermione stood up, and uttered something very unladylike at a stunned, yet apologetic Ron. She wouldn’t do that to me, he thought, she knows that I want to have children someday. Harry and Ginny looked up at the two, but they couldn’t take time to stop bailing. Water was coming in over the sides as well now, and they were barely keeping pace with the inflow. Abruptly, another wave came over the bow knocking a still standing Hermione off her feet. Instinctively, she pulled herself up, and was once again hit, knocking her over the side and into the dark water of the lake.

“Hermione!” Ginny screamed, seeing her friend vanish beneath the waves. Then turning to Ron, she saw that he had shoved his wand into his belt, and then dove in after her without a word or a breath of hesitation.

“Harry…we’ve got to help them. Please…we need to do something.” She saw that Harry had a look of intense concentration on his face, but there was no fear…no trace of panic. She knew without having to think about it that Harry would save her brother and Hermione.

Harry took Ron’s place in the rear of the boat, hoping that he could remember the propelling spell he’d used only once on the Hogwarts lake. After several attempts, he had them moving again, and Harry immediately circled back to where he believed the two had gone in. He couldn’t make out anything in the darkness, even with the glow from Ginny’s wand, and the still present lightning flashes. He desperately hoped that the protective wards that Hermione had placed on the boat were strong ones. Finally, after ten minutes of circling, and seeing that Ginny was losing the fight alone against the incoming water, he turned the boat skiff toward the beach.

“Harry…we can’t give up! We need to help them! What about the Muggle boat?” She noticed suddenly that the fishing vessel they had been trying to reach was nowhere in sight. Panic rose up in her, and she fought back the need to break down and cry. She couldn’t do that to them…not while they still needed her.

“Ginny, please trust me. I’ll explain everything when we get back to your house. It’s all going to be fine. Can you have just a bit of confidence in me a little longer like I asked you to do?”

He repeated the spell one last time, propelling the boat into the beach just as another wave finally swamped their craft. Pocketing his wand, he grabbed Ginny’s hand, and together they managed to make it out of the boat and onto the shore. Looking back, they saw the lake pull the craft back out, and then swallow it as if were a living thing starved for food.

“Blast it!” Harry said, more to himself than to Ginny, “I should have had Fred and George get us a bigger boat. We’re going to have a devil of a time getting the thing out of the lake again. Are you ready to head back to the Burrow?”

“Fred…George…what do they…?” Realization suddenly set in, and Ginny pulled back her raincoat hood and stared at a grinning Harry, a look of amused horror on her face. “You didn’t! You wouldn’t do that to Ron and Hermione would you? Are you really that evil?” Already knowing the answer, she began to laugh, and Harry joined in with her.

“Desperate measures call for…well you know.” The two of them exchanged a brief hug and started back for Weasleys’ house. Harry still didn’t know what was going to happen between him and Ginny, but, at that moment, he felt very good, and there were no Weasley brothers anywhere in sight.


*****



A half an hour later the two arrived back at the Burrow, and they were pleased to see the others had beaten them back. George and Fred each handed them a cup of hot tea as the couple stripped off their well-used raingear at the door. They could hear Ron and Hermione arguing in parlor, but a quick glance at the twins told them everything was all right there.

“Harry if we’d known what a devious type you are, we would have offered you a partnership in the store,” Fred told him.

“We really haven’t told Ron and her anything since we pulled them from the lake, and they don’t know it was a set-up,” George added, “They think a couple of Muggles saved them. How’s the boat by the way?”

“Sunk,” Harry told them, with a stern look on his face, “You could have gotten us something sturdier.”

“Didn’t have time really. Those disguises took forever to do, and the phantom Muggle projections on the shore you met were a real challenge. The only easy part was enchanting the fishing boat.”

“Wait…how did you beat us to the lake?” Ginny asked.

Harry and the twins exchanged embarrassed looks.

“You Apparated in the middle of an electric storm! You risked your lives, Ron and Hermione’s, to get them together?” Ginny said, keeping her voice low so that Ron and Hermione wouldn’t hear, but still emphasizing each word.

Harry turned to look at her, and after a moment he saw that the anger had left her face. She did trust him. “I know we shouldn’t have risked Apparating tonight, especially since I’m not licensed yet, but they were never in any danger. I put a spell called Aqua Savatorum on Ron and Hermione that…well, drown-proofed them. Fred and George had their wands on the two the whole time they were in the water…”

“…and Fred and George pulled Hermione and me out of the water almost right away.”

No one had seen Ron come into the kitchen, and they all jumped. To say the four had uncomfortable looks would be a major understatement if ever one existed. For a full minute, no one made any effort to speak.

Finally, Harry broke the tension. “Does Hermione know too?”

“Nah, she’s up in Ginny’s room drying out. She’s pretty mad at me for doing it. Diving in the water after her like that. She thinks the Muggles that we were trying to save saved us. Harry…”

“I’m sorry Ron. I just wanted you to see what we all do. You’re crazy about Hermione. I…we’ve been trying for weeks to get you to admit it to yourself and to her. I just thought that if you believed you were about to lose her, I could get you to realize it too. I know it was stupid, but I was really getting desperate, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

“Harry, it wasn’t stupid…it was brilliant! Thanks mate. I owe you a lot for tonight. I know you had us covered. Fred and George just need to work on better Muggle disguises.” Ron paused for a moment and seemed to be collecting his thoughts. “Harry, I think I’m in love with Hermione. I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me, but I can’t help it. You got me to finally admit it to myself tonight. Like I said, I really owe you a big one here.”

“That’s great Ron, and you don’t owe me anything. You and Hermione are my best friends,” Harry told him, patting Ron on the shoulder, “Now tell her.” He saw Ron’s expression turn to sad apprehension.

“I will Harry, but not yet. I’m brave enough to dive into a stormy lake to save her, but not enough to talk to her about this yet. Do you understand?”

Harry looked into his friend’s eyes for several seconds, and then glanced over at Ginny who was busy trying to dry her hair with a towel Fred had handed her. All manner of thoughts were whirling through his head just then, and he knew he had some things to take care of himself soon. Turning back to Ron, Harry put his hand back on his shoulder and smiled for him. “Yeah mate, I really do.”


*****




Ron set the story down, and I could tell I had really moved him with it. Either that, or he was trying to decide which curse to throw at me just then. I seemed to remember Harry telling me how Ron had a penchant for slug curses. Yuck!

Harry, I saw, still had a smile on his face, but I read more uncertainty in Ginny’s expression. I couldn’t take the suspense any longer. “Well Ron, what did you think, and remember I changed the names and some of the details for the magazine?”

Ron was quiet for another few moments, and then he slowly began to nod. “I liked it. As long as no one knows that it was us, then I guess it’ll be okay. That was a pretty important night for Hermione and me. It only took me two more months and Hermione clubbing me with a shovel before I told her everything.”

“Cool…a shovel huh? You’ll have to tell me that story.”

Harry suddenly had a serious look on his face. “Spenser, if we tell you that whole story, you can’t let anyone read it until we say it’s safe. I really mean it. After everything the last few months, I know I can trust you, but it really could hurt a lot of people.”

“Ah, I’m betting it must have something to do with why you and Ginny are trying to fool everyone into thinking that you’re not an item.” Their expressions and red faces told me everything, and I had to smile at them.

“Spenser, I can’t believe you did this to us! You had best start running now! Oh, I am so mad at you I could turn you into a gyrespud! How could you?”

I guess that I should have expected Hermione to take a turn. “I see that you found the article as well. Didn’t you think it was a good story? By the way…what is a gyrespud?

“It wasn’t the story Spenser, and I did appreciate your changing our names and such, but why did you have to portray me as a Samoan named Hildegard, and Ron as an Eskimo named Jean Claude? Why did you set the story in someplace called Arkansas?”

“That, Hermione…is another story.”

Mischief managed!

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