Repairing Burnt Bridges: by billybob

Chapter two: Who Knew?

6190 words, ... Rated R - for strong sexual innuendo and language

Category: AU ... or will be when book six of HP comes out

Warning: Women who ride brooms should always wear trousers

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Cau tion: This chapter is written with the assistance and keen insight of a beta reader. So please stop gathering feathers and heating tar, I have been saved from the spelling/grammar demon. "Near thing that."

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Authors Notes:

(1): I did not have the wit to come up with the concept of Mmails, I pay full homage to "Anya" and "Jeco" for coming up with and developing the concept.

(2): Please take note; it is my stated intention to be as British as possible in the writing of all my Harry Potter based stories. However on one point I refuse to budge, I have a pet phrase that I came up with all on my own "Snog-off", which is my HP translation of the American phrase "kiss-off".
I know It doesn’t exist in the lexicon of the UK, but I like it, and I am going to have a royal hissy-fit of temper, hold my breath until I turn blue, until you all let me use it whannnnnn! (let me know if my lame attempt worked)

Now that we have that behind us, (and I had to do a time-out to calm down) I have begged (on my knees pleading) several people with on-hands experience with the Queens English phraseology to beta my stories. My beta-mum Karen and Asli to mention only two and yes they are the ones keeping me British. Just so you know, anyone out there living in the UK reading this who feels the urge to point out my errors, feel free to review.

(3): Along with my beta, I have willingly submitted myself to the ‘supportive’ criticism of my own mum and my Gred and Forge (type) siblings. Believe me the twins are nicer to Ron than my kinsmen are to me. So don’t try to nag, I am in the hands of family so I doubt you’ll be able to out do them. They are professionals!

The above is beta free, so any errors are my own.

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From: C. d’Ormon

To: G. W.

Subject: Meeting

I am told you have accepted all the terms. That is good.

Where do you wish to meet?

Claudette

*******

From: I don’t want to do this

To: Nothing worth hearing

Subject: Re: Meeting

Hagrid’s Hut, Six P.M. tonight

GW

*******

From: Already disappointed

To: An open mind?

Subject: Re (2): Meeting

If you have already made up your mind without hearing me out then I am wasting my time and yours. You never used to make up your mind about things until all the facts were in.

Considering your attitude, why did you agree to meet with me?

Claudette

******

From: Don’t push me,

To: The French tart

Subject: Re (3): Meeting

I am holding my temper with effort, and you know damn well why I agreed to this!

GW

*******

From: Puzzled and confused

To: Count to ten

Subject: Re (4) Meeting

No I don’t. What are you talking about?

Claudette

*******

From: About to lose it

To: Are you lying to me?

Subject: Re (5): Meeting

How about this old salt, ... Harry Potter ... as in, you know where he is!

GW

*******

F rom: Shocked and stunned

To: You’re kidding right?

Subject: He’s ALIVE?

Who the bloody hell told you that?

Why wasn’t I told, I had given up hope years ago.

I thought he died during the last battle.

Dam-it, Ginny! Don’t toy with me. He was one of my best male friends for years.

He can’t possibly be alive! ... Can he?

CO

*******

Fr om: A surprised and rethinking her attitude Apprentice Healer

To: Claudette/Hermione

Subject: Re: You’re kidding, right?

You really didn’t know? I swear Hermione, if you’re deceiving me about this, promise or no promise, I will hex you so hard you’ll never recover.

Gin

*******

From: Grateful to be called Hermione again

To: The only brutally honest, girl friend that I have had in five years

Subject: Re (2): You’re kidding right?

I swear on all the good memories of our school days together, I don’t know anything about Harry’s whereabouts. Like the rest of the world I thought he died that day.

Please ... I beg you, is he alive, really alive?

H

*******

From Ms. G Weasley

To: Albus Dumbledore (retired)

Bcc: C d'Ormon

Subject: Harry’s whereabouts

What the Bloody hell is going on old man? If this is yet another one of your infamous abuses of the Queens English, I swear you will pay dearly for this ill conceived prank.

Don’t play coy with us. We are not in the mood for the kind of half arse deliberately vague answers that you used so often to trick Harry. We are two mad as hell witches.

GW

*******

From: A stunned and amazed, hoping soon to be no more than just Ms. Granger

To: Gin-Gin

Subject: How could you?

I am shocked, since when have you spoken to Dumbledore like that?

Confused former prefect named Granger

*******

From: You don’t know half of it

To: An old friend that I may have misjudged

Subject: Re: How could you?

You weren’t here to see what that old geezer did to my Harry.

Gin

*******

From: Your former Headmaster

To: Two of my favorite former students

Subject: Whereabouts

I can state to you both with a clear conscience that I ‘officially’ know nothing more about the whereabouts of the ... ‘boy’ who lived, than anyone else in the magical world does. I do know for a fact that the ‘boy’ with the single scar will never be seen again.

However, seeing as you asked me so nicely, I will pass on your polite and respectful request for information to someone who I ‘unofficially’ suspect might have some rather solid ‘theories’ about that particular subject. This individual may then decide to contact you.

Albus D (retired)

*******

From: Ginny

To: HG or CdO … Have you made up your mind yet?

Subject: Buffalo chips

What do you think he meant by that load of fertilizer?

Gin

*******< /P>

From: Hermione Granger d’Ormon

To: Gin-Gin

Subject: Re: Buffalo chips

Beats me? Did he always flap his cakehole like that?

Claudette Granger or Hermione Jane Claudette d’Ormon.

You tell me, which do you like better?

H

*******

From: Ginny

To: You still have a lot of explaining to do, (* lost years ... hint ...hint *)

Subject: Don’t change the topic

I will tell you my tale, after you tell me yours

Last one sound’s kinda stuck-up ... Countess

Gin

*******

From: (name withheld upon request)

To: G. Weasley - a young woman who should know better (your eyes only- confidential)

cc: C d’Ormon

Subject: Lose lips sink ships

Warning: this message will self-delete, after being read once by the addressees.

Ladies, may I remind you that Mmails are susceptible to interception by third parties! Such as: persons and or former members of a certain dark-arts organization now officially disbanded. Not all Death-Eaters are in prison you know, and those who are still free or on the run may have extremely good reasons such as *revenge* for hunting down of the former leaders & heroes from our side of the Voldemort war.

That said: the whereabouts of certain missing in action and presumed dead warrior of the late war cannot and will not be disclosed in an Mmail. But seeing as you have spilled the beans to someone whom was just an hour ago your worst enemy.

I must now insist on being an invisible witness to the famous tete-a-tete between Mlle d’Ormon and Ms. Weasley. I feel the need to learn the Mademoiselle’s reasoning for her abrupt disappearance. Wherever you were planning on holding this little chit-chat get-together, change it, to somewhere else. May I suggest the Great Hall at Hogwarts, the scene of Mademoiselle d’Ormon’s most dramatic departure five years ago.

The Secret Keeper

*******

From: Bill

To: Gred and Forge

cc: Mum, Charlie and Dad

Subject: Traitor

As I suspected, the French mare approached her old friend, with the help of that, Billy-no-mates, chronic arse, Dumbledore.

I thought our little sister hated the frog as much as we did, but I was wrong.

And you lot, thought I was mental for putting a tap on Ginny’s Mmail box.

Now it was all encoded of course, our sweet sister is no dummy.

However being a Curse Breaker for Gringotts for all these years has allowed me to become chums with some first rate code breakers and she ... (please, don’t tell my beloved Fleur, or my kind and gentle wife will naturally, Kill - me). Well anyway, this friend of mine decoded about a sixth of the Mmails contents for us.

Mind you, I only got bits and pieces from the half dozen or so Mmails they sent each other, Ginny’s message scrambler is that good.

All I know for certain, and I mean absobloodylutely, is they are going to meet face to face, somewhere in or around Hogsmeade.

Gred, Forge, I have done my part; now its your turn. Call in as many favors as needed. We must know exactly where and when our traitorous sister is going to meet the biggest slag in Western Europe. Once when know when and where ... we attack!

Bill the oldest and best looking of the Weasley bloodline

*******

From: De-twins

To: Our older git of a brother cursed with a death wish

Subject: Re: Traitor

Dear soon to be departed kinsman, may we ask ... are you MENTAL? Please tell us you didn’t go back to see ‘her’ for this help?

Not the same half giantess expert code breaker we always thought might be a distant cousin to Hagrid.

She is what now: six foot, ten inches, two hundred and eighty odd pounds of towering, ‘always warm for William’s form’ ... lust. Can something that big go into heat, and could its Bunk-up playmate survive the encounter? ... Inquiring minds want to know?

Oh do tell ... dear brother, what exactly did you have to ‘put-out’ to gain her assistance? On second though don’t tell us, there are some things, we don’t want to visualize.

Don’t worry about us telling your Misses, the former Mlle DeLacour. However, the price for our silence will be high. Basically we won’t spill the beans for two very good reasons.

(1) You wife is the kind of lady (*half Veela*) that would hex without thinking any innocent, don’t laugh, messenger of bad news.

(2) Now that you’ve been ‘laid’ for the information (* oops, sorry, we meant ‘paid’ of course*) it would be a shame not to take advantage of the information and you dear brother, we will be holding this over your head for years to come.

We will use the information you unwisely disclosed and pull in a few favors. Never fear in the office lover boy, we will find the tart. Just remember; from now on we own you.

Gred and Forge (*blackmail is a useful tool*)

*******

F rom: Forewarned is forearmed

To: Blackmailers beware (your eyes only - do not forward)

Subject: Re (2): Traitor

First off: nothing happened ... (that you can prove)

Secondly: I would rethink your implied threat if I were you, ... why do you ask? ... How about this then. I will give you a list.

1) During your last term at Hogwarts

2) Girls Dorm Gryffindor (1 am)

3) The beds of K and A

4) Drunken girlfriend swap (without knowledge or consent of either A or K)

5) Potters ‘borrowed’ invisibility cloak (without permission)

6) ‘Lee Jordan’ taking pictures under said borrowed cloak

And last but not least!

7) I’ll let you guess who is the current owner of said pictures and negatives

Also I take this opportunity to remind you two, that your girlfriends of that time, are now living with you as common-law wives. If, after four years of unwed bliss, these ladies still encounter some difficulty in tell you two apart while not wearing clothing, I shall be more than happy to enlighten them.

If you are somewhat confused about what I mean. Let me remind both of you about that adorable (* Mum’s words not mine *) small birthmark on Fred’s right hip that is clearly visible in pictures of him, while bunking-up with George’s then girlfriend Katie. The same birthmark so clearly missing in the bunk-up pictures of Angelina who was at that time and still is Fred’s lady-friend.

The muggle term for this is M. A. D. (Mutual Assured Destruction)

Get my meaning?

Bill.

*******

From: How the hell did you get those?

To: Our favorite and most discrete sibling

Subject: Re (3): Traitor

Any school pictures of us in embarrassing positions from our last few months at Hogwarts are without-doubt ‘doctored’ photos done by Dolores Umbridge clearly aimed to discredit us as ‘role model’ students.

However in the sprite of sibling cooperation and to avoid the upheaval that could result with the appearance of these clearly altered, ‘reputation destroying’ pictures. We are still determined to remain as discrete as our other siblings concerning any ‘sowing of wild oats,’ that may have occurred during our youthful rebellious period.

In other words: We get the message loud and clear ... stalemate!

Gred and Forge

*******

From: Gred and Forge

To: Lee Jordan, business partner and friend

Subject: Frantic

Check the secret ‘old school memories’ vault at the shop, we fear a series of compromising pictures of all of us are missing. Perhaps even the photos of your very intimate and more than a little kinky May-November relationship, with a certain former transfiguration teacher after you graduated and were therefore of ‘legal age of consent’?

Let us know ASAP

Duo in state of panic

*******

From: Bugger all to hell (your eyes only - encoded and scrambled)

To: The owners of the so-called "crack-proof" safe

Subject: Re: Frantic

It’s all gone! The trophies from our fifth year knickers raid on the Ravenclaw girls dorm, (*some of which were later autographed by the ladies we took them from*) are gone,

Also missing are the see-through stone walls special photos, from the shower rooms of sixth and seventh ladies of Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and of course Gryffindor. We did not, as you may recall, record the goings on within the Slytherin girl’s shower room due to our preference for pictures of ‘human’ females.

I also cannot find those snapshots of Percy and Ms. Clearwater doing the nasty in the prefect’s bath. On four different occasions, no less. Who would have guessed that she was a screamer?

Not to mention three large expanding file folders’ stuffed to overflowing with Ron and Hermione pictures. With no offense meant to you blokes, after fighting insesently like a pair of roman Gladiators for four years. When you little brother stopped arguing with that brown haired know it all and started actually snogging her, those two didn’t care a hoot where they bunked-up.

Believe me I was as shocked as any of you were when out of nowhere, this super smart arrogant cow gets the your youngest brother, the poor git, addicted to her ‘charms’ only to dump him "cold and public" in front of the entire student body of Hogwarts. When I saw this with my own eyes all I could think of at the time was what a total slag.

As you can imagine the worse ‘loss’ for me as a result of the rifling of the "crack proof" strongbox, was the disappearance of the only complete set, of full color shots of the current Headmistress of Hogwarts that you lot, "promised" me would be safe for all time.

Bugger it all to hell!

I promised her that I would burn them after looking at them once and she thinks I did, weeks ago. Otherwise she would have never have agreed to pose for me, especially half-starkers! She will kill me if she finds out that I kept them and believe me partners if she suspects that you have seen them too, your going down with me. Dam it, I have to get them back, whatever the cost!

Lee

*******

From: We who are about to die

To: What are you worried about?

Subject: Re (2): Frantic

May we humbly remind you of a few things?

1) You were two years out of school, twenty, a war veteran, bloodied in combat with Death-eaters and a consenting adult. Before you were ever invited into that ladies bedchamber.

2) Although we will not deny that considerable public embarrassment will result from the publication of posed photos of the headmistress. Mostly over her preference of latex and leather corsets which leave little if anything to the imagination. We are reassured by the fact that no ‘in action’ pictures featuring her and her far younger paramour exist, or do they?

3) We have indeed seen the pictures you refer too and frankly, we cannot think of any other mid-seventy year old woman who might be, even one-tenth as well preserved as your lady friend.

Really mate, we had no idea that a mature hottie was hidden behind that look of disdain that she always had on her face when looking at us.

As you have always known, ‘double standards’ always make us mad. Why should some randy one-hundred-year-old, rich bloke, get away with romancing a twenty-year-old bird, but not the reverse? Look if the age difference doesn’t get in your way or hers, then on behalf of George and I, the rest of the world can snog-off.

Speaking of snogging, as today is Friday, we assume you will be apparating up to Hogsmead for some one-on-one ‘use-of-wand’ exercises with your favorite instructor. We were wondering if you would do us a favor prior to have another all night ‘hands on’ practice session.

We need you to ask around and see if anyone has caught sight of Ginny, we desire a little chat with her concerning the company she is running around with.

F&G

*******

Fro m: Relieved but still worried

To: Do you know how much trouble you’re in?

Subject: Re (3): Frantic

How can you two remain so calm, even if the ‘switch’ pictures don’t end up as front-page news in the Daily Prophet? If the girls find out that they existed at all, A & K are more than smart enough to figure out that the invisibly cloak photo shoot wasn’t the first time you two played musical beds with them. Thank Merlin neither of the girls got pregnant, figuring out who was the daddy wouldn’t have been easy.

My Scottish paramour may well end our relationship over those pictures of her. But that is nothing compared to what A & K will do to your wands after they learn of your bed hopping. (*And I am not speaking about wooden wands ...hint, hint ... ouch*). So for all our sakes get those bloody pictures back pretty dam quick.

By-the-way I am not going up to see ‘her’ tonight, she Mmailed me to say that she had a last minute meeting to hold at Hogwarts, which is, very hush-hush. I can’t even wait in her quarters until it’s over. She is locking the castle down, from what I understand, full wards all-round. In fact except for one or two all the other teachers are being asked to leave for a couple of days.

Not to worry, I will find out what it was all about afterwards. Amazing the things a bloke can learn through pillow talk, if he is smart enough to listen. She talks in her sleep a bit too you see, and you’d be surprised how many white-hot erotic dreams she has, (* very good source of ideas to try when she is awake you see*). As well as the more mundane day-to-day stuff like this ‘hush-hush’ get-together. Sorry I cannot help find Ginny for you.

Lee

*******

From: De-twins

To: L. J.

Subject: Hush-hush

1) Far too much information, old chum, concerning our former head of house erotic dreams that we didn’t really need to know about.

2) Real quick, did your lady mention what time this ‘meeting’ was to take place?

Please answer ASAP

Frantic F&G

******

From: A puzzled ... Jordan

To: My partners

Subject: Re: Hush-hush

Since when do you care about ‘her’ meetings, and its six PM tonight, I think.

Lee

*******

From F&G

To: L. J.

Subject: Re (2): Hush-hush

Thanks a ton!

De-twins

** *****

From: Gred and Forge

To: Entire family except Ron and Gin

Subject: Beat to quarters

Target sighted ... lock & load.

Meet us at our shop for tea, at 4 P.M. today, to formulate a plan of attack.

De-twins

*******

Private code, top-security, scramble & encode

This will self-delete after a single reading by addressee

To: His only daughter (your eyes only, ... your mum will kill me)

Subject: Be careful

Your brothers know the when and where, concerning your meeting with C. d’Ormon. Please be careful.

Your loving father

Arthur

*******

From: A very lucky girl

To: The best daddy in the world

Subject: Re: Be careful

Thanks Dad, I will

G

*******

From: Mr. C. Creevey, Apprentice Photographer for the Daily Prophet

To: Fellow Gryffindor, Ronald Weasley

Subject: Did you know

Please don’t blame the messenger, for bearing bad news. Just to give you a heads up, an old girlfriend of yours passed through customs yesterday.

The former Miss Hermione Jane Granger ... ‘now known as’ ... the Mademoiselle Claudette Maria d’Ormon. She is staying in a Muggle hotel somewhere in London, her whereabouts unknown.

Both the fashion and society editors from the paper went looking for her in Diagon Alley as she is a celebrity of sorts, but none of the shopkeepers have seen her.

Rumor has it your kinfolk are hunting for her for some long overdue payback; I pity the frog if Fred and George find her.

Say hello to Ginny for me, I still care a lot for your sister, even if she didn’t feel that way about me. Harry was a lucky bloke to have her as his girlfriend, even if it was for only a tragically short period of time.

Colin

**** ***

From: Mr. & Mrs. Neville Longbottom

To: Ron

Subject: Trouble heading your way

Luna informed me just this morning that the Prophet is reporting that "She" is back in town. (* My wife still can not bear to say her name*), its like the old ‘he who cannot be named’ stuff all over again. I hope there won’t be any trouble.

Its been five years now old friend, Luna and I both feel that it is time you put the past behind you and move on. Don’t let H. Granger who is now C. d’Ormon ruin your whole life. Her less than moral behavior since leaving you has proven time and again, one bed after another that she wasn’t really the girl we all thought her to be.

Please do not become angry at us, we are only saying this because we love you as a brother and hate to see you always in pain.

If you feel the need to avoid the reporters as that Skeeter woman is looking for you, our spare bedroom is waiting to welcome you, as are we.

Your friends

Neville and Luna

*******

From: WWINS ... (Witch & Wizard Independent News Service)

To: Ronald Weasley, ... chief strategist, of the National Quidditch team of Great Britain

Subject: Requesting interview

Regarding: Comment on arrival of the future Countess Claudette Maria d'Ormon in England

It has been reported in the society pages of the Daily Prophet under the heading of notables arriving in the UK, that a Mademoiselle Claudette Maria d’Ormon, the only child of the Count and Countess Henri and Juliette d’Ormon. Arrived in London without fanfare yesterday afternoon from Paris.

The purpose of her visit to England is officially unknown, but as this visit lands only a few days prior to the French and English elimination round during the play-offs for the next Quidditch World Cup. I am sure that the sporting world would like to know if you feel in any way distracted by her presence.

Although not generally well known, I happen to have first hand knowledge, that several years ago, you and the Countess were both involved in a heated romantic relationship that ended rather badly. Apparently from what I have come to understand, you took the break-up a lot harder than she did as she has been romantically connected to some of the best looking and riches wizards of Europe.

Rumors circulating about this beak-up all agree that for some unknown reason you compelled the Mademoiselle d’Ormon to chose between yourself and the famous and wealthy, Viktor Krum of the Bulgarian National Quidditch Team who was, at the time, a romantic rival.

The facts are that after receiving this ultimatum the Mademoiselle abruptly left Hogwarts, and directly thereafter, ‘moved-in with, and lived for six months in unmarried bliss’ with the well-known Bulgarian Seeker. That your alleged fiancée seemed to preferred Viktor’s bed to yours, doesn’t speak well of your skills as a lover. A fact that when revealed would greatly amuse my many readers as well as make you the laughing stock of the Wizarding World.

I also have inside information that your multi-year avoidance of female companionship, has more to do with the Countess brutal rejection of your lack of bedroom skills, than with any ‘alleged’ dedication to the sport of Quidditch.

My sports editor doesn’t know about your failure "as a man" with the countess and I am willing promise on my honor as a journalist, not to reveal what I know to anyone. In exchange for a exclusive interview with you and those members of the UK National Quidditch Team that ‘you’ put off-limits to the press.

You remember me I am sure, you know how my quill almost destroyed your friend Harry Potter. You and your little bushy haired friend cost me my cushy job at the Prophet all those years ago and now its payback time. You can forget about blackmailing me to go away, as I am a legally registered Animagus now.

Give me what I want or your "failure as a man" will be front-page news

Revenge is so close I can taste it

Rita Skeeter

*******

From: R. B. Weasley

To: Skeeter the bug

Subject: Snog off

DO YOUR WORST

(Unsigned)

*******

From: Ron

To: His entire family

Subject: Leave ‘her’ alone

Just so you know the Skeeter cow is going to throw some dirt my way about my failures as a man and my rumoured ‘mistreatment and abuse’ of my ex-fiancée. The story will appear in one of the checkout line slander rags I use to laugh at.

Concerning the Countess: I hope you realize that anything you do to ‘her’ after the Skeeter story comes out will only serve to make me look more childish and cruel.

Fred, George whatever you’re planning, please don’t do it. The ‘lady’ is more than wealthy enough to sue you out of business for any prank you pull on her. Your benefactor of all those years ago gave you that money to start a joke shop. It would be an insult to his memory to lose it because of a vicious prank on someone he once considered a close friend.

Leave ‘her’ alone; accept the fact as I have - that I was just not half the ‘man’ that Krum was. She hurt me, I won’t deny that, but two wrongs don’t make a right.

Contrary to popular opinion, I have kept track of ‘her’ through newspapers and magazines and honestly even as successful as I have become (*financially*) the high maintenance Countess d’Ormon current lifestyle is way beyond my modest income.

I know it won’t do any good to say I am over her, as you all know better. But hurting ‘her’ back won’t ease my pain.

Leave ‘her’ alone. She won’t stay in England long, she hates this country almost as much as she hates me.

To tell God’s truth, I sincerely hope she finds someone to settle down with soon. She deserves some happiness now that the war is over, as do we all.

I don’t desire ‘her’ harmed, hurt or humiliated. It was not ‘her’ fault that I wasn’t good enough to satisfy her needs. If it gives you lot any comfort, apparently Viktor Krum wasn’t any better at it than I was, for ‘she’ only shared his bed for six months before moving on.

Pity ‘her’ as I do, whatever she is looking for in a man she clearly hasn’t found it yet, and by my count she has ‘been’ with as many as (*with a rough estimate of*) thirty different men.

As for me, I have given up on romance, having been informed in no uncertain terms, by someone I deeply respected of my shortcomings as a man and failures as a lover. I have decided not to burden any other woman with my romantic inabilities. This is my life choice and after all theses years you all should accept it.

Sorry to be rambling on like this, as I haven’t done this in years.

Please I beg you all, ... leave her alone

Ron

****** *

From: His sister (* once again remembering why I hated you *)

To: His betrayer

Subject: The kind of bloke you threw away

Fwd: Leave her alone

After all you have done to him, the stupid git is still trying to protect you.

READ the FWD, you self-centered slag. I hope it makes you feel real proud of yourself

GW

*******

From: Not worthy to lick his boots

To: The eye opener

Subject: Re: Leave her alone

Ginny, I don’t dare hope

I have read the fwd at least a dozen times, word for word, slow and carefully

Tell me if I am wrong, be brutal, I can take it

Am I reading this right: Ron, my Ron, is still in love ... With me?

On the edge of my seat, awaiting your reply

Claudette

*******

From: God, I hate you

To: The stuck-up, self-absorbed, French hussy

Subject: Re (2): Leave her alone

With you Countess, ... HELL NO ... With the memory of Hermione Granger ... YES

The ‘her’ my brother was referring to with such obvious fondness, was the mental image that Ron carries about in his head of the innocent ‘know-it-all’ girl of sixteen that he fell in love with. Not the cheap French tart of today, who couldn’t keep her knees together now for more than ten minutes in the presence of any rich git with a boner.

Stay away from him. He may have been unworthy of you in your opinion years ago, but it is you who are the unworthy one now. Why is this you ask?

It’s because you’re a easy to get in the sack slut who will without hesitation will jump at the chance to put-out as soon as she hears the sound of a blokes zipper going down. Of course he has to be a ultra wealthy bloke, of a noble and titled pureblood Wizarding family or your knees stay together.

So what if he is still in love with the memory of sixteen year old Hermione, you are not that innocent teenager anymore and we both know it.

GW

*******

F rom: I asked for brutal honesty

To: You don’t pull any punches

Subject: Re (3): leave her alone

I deserved that I guess, at least I know now what kind of lasting love I so foolishly ran away from. You will never know how badly hindsight torments me now, or how much regret I feel for the happiness that I could have shared with him, now lost, perhaps forever.

But with that said, I still desire a chance to explain what happened, at least to you. Of all people, you should understand about regret and lost love.

Can you still find it in your heart to listen to what I have to say with a somewhat open mind?

Hermione

*******

From: 7 ... 8 ... 9 ... 10 … Calming down again

To: You break promises and hearts, I don’t

Subject: Re (4): Leave her alone

Yes we are still on for tonight, for the same reasons, as before, I want my man back. That said I think it only fair to warn you. Your story had better be really bloody good. Because apparently my brothers with the exception of Ron, may well be crashing the party.

I will be there, but if you want any chance of avoiding my kin, who are I assure you totally hell-bent on vengeance. I would suggest you start running now.

Ginny W.

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From: (name withheld upon request) Mmail address untraceable

To: Hermione-Claudette Granger-d’Ormon

Subject: I told you so

Just obtained an unauthorized copy of the fwd: ‘leave her alone.’ What did I tell you? Over and over, he still loves you!

(Unsigned)

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From: Ginevra Molly Weasley, Apprentice Healer

To: Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts

cc: C. d’Ormon

Subject: Uninvited guests

I have come to understand that the secrecy surrounding my meeting with the Countess has been compromised, how or by whom is not the issue.

Fred and George are too good as pranksters not to be able to get around any defences that you put up. I am not insulting your abilities; against a normal adversary your precautions would have been more than enough. There is however and I think you will agree with me on this, nothing normal about my twin brothers. I do not suggest lowering your defences, I just accept the fact that they will get around them.

What I propose is that you make use of the Mademoiselle and myself as bait, to draw my kinfolk into a non-physically damaging trap that will render them harmless while Claudette explains in relative safety to the entire Weasley clan her actions of five years ago.

If, as I suspect, my family rejects the Mademoiselle’s explanation, their confinement can be maintained long enough to give the smutty frog a sporting head start before pursuit begins.

Respectfully

G Weasley

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From: Headmistress of Hogwarts

To: Former Headmaster (now retired)

cc: Former Headmasters better looking younger brother

Fwd: Uninvited guests (please read)

Subject: Problem

After reviewing Ms. Weasley’s Mmail, I have to agree with her concerning the twin’s annoying habit of getting around just about any obstruction, be it physical, or merely the rules.

That being said, I am open to suggestions as to how to spring this trap that the youngest of the Weasley Clan suggests.

As to who let slip the news of the meeting I fear I must share at least some of the blame. Rests assured that the individual directly responsible will be ‘cut off’ from certain rather enjoyable privileges until he learns what he can and cannot be repeat to others.

As for myself, I have to admit to being a bit foolish for letting slip something that I should have known would be of interest to Fred and George. However, I am determined to learn from this mistake. After a suitable period of punishment, for the doer of this misdeed. I have determined to make better use of my cakehole (* which is a term my first years students use instead of saying "mouth" in case you didn’t know *) after certain types of intense physical activity than venting my worries of the day.

Min

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From: Aberforth

To: The Hogwarts Hottie

cc: The other brother she dated many-many years ago (at the same time)

Subject: Re: Problem

Try not to be to hard on your exercise partner. He may have been tricked into revealing the secret. (* Did you remember to tell him not to mention the meeting to anyone? *)

Besides, denial of privileges will punish the guilty as well as the somewhat innocent, and a pro-longed dry-spell (* considering your appetite for ‘exercise’ *) on your part, is not inducive to inner harmony. Both Albus and myself know from personal experience how much more mellow your mood is after a few hours of ‘rigorous exercise’.

As for your "cakehole", I suggest a type of jaw muscle exercise, developed by the French, that you use to be well practiced on, that is all but guaranteed to suck any thoughts right out of your partners head ... if the exercise is preformed properly.

Recalling your skills in creating short-term memory loss, I am reminded that I am somewhat overdue for a cold shower.

Abie

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From: I hate it when you are right

To: Ah memories (* I am blushing *)

Subject: Re (2): Problem

Indeed, now that I think about it, I didn’t actually tell him not to mention the meeting itself. I just took my usual pains not to let slip who would be there. Well perhaps its all for the best. Still I think I will forcefully remind him about bedchamber confidentiality

Back to the Ginevra suggestion: The idea of a captive Weasley audience for Mademoiselle d’Ormon explanation would certainly fulfill her wish to attempt to make amends for her misdeeds. It is just a pity that the abused and discarded ex-fiancée could not be around to hear the future Countess’s apology.

I don’t believe that a better example of tragic star-crossed lovers, lost to each other by chance exists outside of Shakespeare. Only Ms. Weasleys love loss exceeds the Mademoiselle’s. in shear magnitude of suffering. It’s a pity that happy endings only happen in Gilbert & Sullivan Operetta’s ... oh well.

Now gentleman, its time to speak of other things. (*Like Cabbages and kings? *)

As Hogwarts is "Again" without a permanent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I have asked Professors Severus Snape (* Potions Master and Assistant Headmaster*) and Professor James Evander (*the Dueling Master *) to assist me with this meeting.

In case you don’t remember Professor Evander, he is that young disabled war veteran who joined the staff straight out of hospital two years ago. The poor lad was very horribly scarred during the final battle 90 percent of his body, or so I have been told. The same curse took away all his body hair, his sight, as well as his voice.

And yet, Professor Evander somehow manages to see 360 degrees around him and even through walls, which I understand is an adaptation of Moody famous all seeing eye. As for his voice, he uses a form of unspoken direct into the mind speech that muggles call telepathy. It is most unnerving, I must say.

The poor man walks with an obvious limp and keeps his body completely covered by thick blueish-grey robes, head to foot. He even wears gloves and an full faceless hood at all times. Although he sits at the head table with us for all meals, none of the staff has ever seen him open his hood even once to eat or drink.

In spite of all these physical drawback’s Professor Evander is well respected as a teacher by both staff and students. The formalized duelling he teaches is really nothing more than the successor to the DA that Harry Potter set up all those years ago. It never hurts to have students capable of defending themselves, as we all learned in the late war.

I am sending Evander into Hogsmeade to meet and escort the d’Ormon girl to the castle and Severus will meet Ginevra. The house-elves have cleared an area in the Great Hall for the two of them to have their little talk. As school has not yet begun for this term, having students under foot will not be a problem

If my two long-ago former boyfriends would be so kind as to come to my office this afternoon at four, we can discuss the best way to spring an unbreakable Weasley trap.

Affectionately

Minerva.

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From: The brothers Dumbledore

To; Ex-girlfriend

Subject: Ah, memories

We will be there

A & A

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From: Aberforth

To: Hidden in plain sight

Subject: The plan

Your clever little plot is going pretty much as you predicted. Is there anything else you want me to do, to help assure success?

Abie

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From: (name withheld) Mmail address untraceable

To: Aberforth

Subject: Re: The plan

No, the Skeeter woman has been most cooperative; all the pieces are coming into place, and soon it will be over.

(Unsigned)

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From: Jordan

To: De-twins

Subject: Bad press

Have you seen the Prophet? Poor Ron!

Lee

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From: Tonks

To: The Minister of Magic

Subject: Emergency Codes One

Cancel all of your appointments for today, I am coming up to see you right now!

Arthur, brace yourself for some bad news

N

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Fr om: Mr & Mrs Longbottom

To: Minister of Magic, Arthur Weasley

Subject: Whereabouts of Ron

Sir, my wife and I were expecting our old school chum your son Ronald to come for a visit after the publication of that Skeeter woman’s ‘article’.

However he is several hours overdue and frankly, we fear foul play. A ministry Auror was just here looking for my old classmate. Apparently the door to his flat was found kicked in and the apartment itself showed clear indications of a violent struggle.

Are you aware that Ron is missing? If so would you be so kind as to tell us if he shows up at the Burrow. We are both very worried

Thanks

Neville and Luna

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From: Your dad

To: His family (all)

Subject: Bad news (brace yourselves)

Your brother Ron was sometime today, kidnapped from his flat in Diagon Alley. No ransom note was found at the scene, nor has one turned up since or so I was informed.

The investigating Auror seems to feel that this is somehow connected to the upcoming Quidditch match between France and England.

I assure you all that everything that can be done, is being done

I will be staying late at my office tonight awaiting developments, along with the French ambassador who denies his country’s involvement.

Arthur

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Author parting note: I am very sorry for being so late in updating this story. My only excuse is to say that, Life got in the way. Work problems, car repairs, funerals, kids, grand kids and such mundane things as paying bills blocked my creative muse. Add to all of that was a load of unintended miscommunication with my betas and their own encounter’s with the same "Life Happens" that I ran into, resulted in the delay.

Again: sorry about that!

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To be continued, comments welcomed