BROKEN IN PIECES
“Ginny, listen . . .” he said very quietly, as the buzz of conversation grew louder around them and people began to get to their feet, “I can’t be involved with you anymore. We’ve got to stop seeing each other. We can’t be together.”
Ginny said, an oddly twisted smile on her lips while her heart shattered in her ribcage, “It’s for some stupid, noble reason, isn’t it?”
“It’s been like . . . like something out of someone else’s life, these last few weeks with you,” said Harry. “But I can’t . . . we can’t . . . I’ve got things to do alone now.”
Ginny did not cry, even when she could feel the sting of the tears in the corner of her eyes. She simply looked at him, pleading to him to stop.
“Voldemort uses people his enemies are close to. He’s already used you as bait once, and that was just because you’re my best friend’s sister. Think how much danger you’ll be in if we keep this up. He’ll know, he’ll find out. He’ll try and get to me through you.”
“What if I don’t care?” said Ginny fiercely.
“I care,” said Harry. “How do you think I’d feel if this was your funeral . . . and it was my fault. . . .”
What he had said was just as good as a proposal for her. He had admitted that he cared about her more than he cared about Dumbledore, the person who had always supported him.
At this moment, Ginny heart was overwhelmed with emotions, which were threatening to burst out. She wanted to tell him something, the truth about her feelings. But she couldn’t face him and say it. So, she looked away from him, over the lake.
“I never really gave up on you,” Ginny said. “Not really. I always hoped. . . . Hermione told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember? And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more – myself.”
“Smart girl, that Hermione,” said Harry, trying to smile. “I just wish I’d asked you sooner. We could’ve had ages . . . months . . . year’s maybe. . . .”
“But you’ve been too busy saving the Wizarding world,” said Ginny, half laughing as her heart continued to contort in panic and grief. “Well . . . I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew this would happen in the end. I knew you wouldn’t be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort. Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”
It was the truth, but truth wasn’t always easy. She loved him because of all that, but she didn’t want him to go away from her. Somewhere in her heart she knew this would happen, but until now she had managed to keep it under wraps. But now her heart was shattered, shattered in fine particles and all the emotions, all the feelings were bubbling on the tip of her tongue, ready to burst out.
A pained expression crossed Harry’s face. He looked as his resolution was crumbling, crumbling to small pieces. A sliver of hope emanated from Ginny’s heart. But it was short lived. Harry turned to look at Ron and Hermione. After a moment of looking at his best friends, he gave a miserable gesture and got up, leaving her alone.
As soon as his back faced her, Ginny let out the tears or rather the tears found their way out. Ginny couldn’t let Harry see her like this. So Ginny stood, turned around and ran, ran with all her might. She didn’t know where she was going, nor did she care. Running gave her strength and a hope, hope that if she ran away far from the place, the place where that unfortunate event had happened here would all reverse… it would all be back to normal and when she would come back here, she would find Harry waiting for her, his arms open wide.
Ginny continued to run, ignoring the screaming of her leg muscles, ignoring the cries of people. Ginny own pain was so big, so profound that all the other miseries in the world were just nothing, nothing in compared to it.
Ginny suddenly stopped and found herself looking at the portrait of Fat Lady. She whispered the password and climbed in. The common room was virtually empty, except two or three fourth year who were looking confused. Ginny trudged up the stairs, managing to control her tears for the time being.
She crashed on her bed, feeling the soft material of the bed sheet material in her mouth. As much as she tried to stop the conversation from replaying in her mind, she couldn’t. Every replay was like a stab of hot knife in her non-existence heart. Ginny felt like she would not be able to feel again. The tears in her eyes dried up, but the grief felt like it had just increased. Ginny hiccupped and suddenly threw her breakfast out. It stained the bed sheet, splashed across her face and cloth.
Still she felt nothing, nor was she affected by the acrid smell of the vomit. She just looked at it blankly, like it was nothing.
She didn’t know for how much time she was there, sniffing the acrid smell of her vomit and lying like a zombie. She didn’t hear the opening of the door, nor did she hear the cry of her name. She was just there, but her mind was reliving every single second she had ever spend with Harry.
Ginny resisted when someone tried to pull her up. She didn’t want to get up and face the reality. She wanted to hide, to force Harry up here and to make him change his decision. But she didn’t have much energy to protest. Somehow lying on the bed had drained her of energy. One warm hand cupped her face and turned it. The person was Hermione, her eyes bloodshot red and her hair a jumbled mess.
As soon as Ginny saw her, she launched in a fresh round of tears, the same tears which she had thought had dried up a long time ago. Her body shook with the force of her sobs as she retold the event of the last morning between hiccup and sobs. Hermione hugged her and started patting her back and murmured words of understanding during the short brakes she took.
Finally when she had completed retelling, Hermione said, “You know, Ginny. It was bound to happen. No one can stop him.”
“I could,” said Ginny, her eyes stinging because of the constant crying, “I could. If I could just have persuaded him, if I could just have said to him…”
“That’s the point Ginny,” said Hermione, “you didn’t do it. Because you know him, you know that it was his choice, the choice which will in turn affect the future of the Wizard-kind.”
“Doesn’t he love me Hermione?” said Ginny, finally admitting the painful fact that had been zooming in her mind from the moment he had broken-up with her.
“Don’t be stupid,” said Hermione, sharply, “he does love you. Haven’t you seen how he looks at you, how he behaves around you. You yourself admitted that you could have stopped him. Do you think anyone other than the person who is so close to his heart could do it? I could give him a day long lecture and still he would be rooted to a decision.” Hermione finished with an angry huff.
Ginny tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. Hermione quickly siphoned the vomit from her robes, face and the bed sheet. She flicked her wand and Ginny’s trunk rose in air. Hermione turned to her and said, “Put on a brave face Ginny. Because if you don’t Harry would never be able to forgive himself.”
“I know,” said Ginny, “but why did he need to do this?”
“You know Ginny,” said Hermione, “you know.”
X/|\X/|\X/|\X/|\X
Ginny eyes flew open. She was sitting in the compartment of Hogwarts Express with Harry, Ron and Hermione. As much as she had tried to be as far away from Harry, she had ended up in the same compartment. She clearly remembered all her search to find a room and Hermione’s attempts to keep both of them in the same room. Ginny didn’t know what Hermione was trying to do. And frankly she couldn’t care less. Trying to maintain her composure around Harry was taking all of her confidence and acting skills. They hadn’t even made eye contact but she could feel his eyes surveying her when she was looking away. So she deliberately looked away, staring aimlessly around and for far longer than necessary. Having him look her over like that was making her blush but she didn’t think of it as perversion on Harry’s part for even a least bit.
Because she was doing the same when Harry was looking away. It was some kind of unspoken agreement between them, that none of them would dare to move while the other looked the other one over. Because she knew as much as it pained for her to think that, it could very well be the last time they got to see the other.
None of them had spoken anything, not even Ron and Hermione. Ginny had expected Ron to go ballistic when Hermione had told him about the break-up between Harry and her. But he had behaved disturbingly quiet. He hadn’t even glared at Harry for once, for Merlin sake. Maybe it had something to do with the half an hour long lecture Hermione had given him… or maybe not; she had no way of knowing the truth.
And from the moment, Hermione had dragged her downstairs from her room; she had been trying to be as far from Harry as wizardly possible. But somehow because of the cruel twist of fate, they always ended up in the same room, and most of the time ending sitting side-by-side. If Ginny hadn’t known better, she would have said that it was fate trying to be the matchmaker.
And Ginny wanted to believe it, to believe it with all her heart. But she couldn’t because she had seen the steely resolve in Harry’s eyes. As much as she had thought that she could have changed his decision in the start, she now knew it was impossible to change it. If she would have refused to let go of him, then it most probably would have caused him more pain and resentment but it wouldn’t have changed his decision.
And Ginny was proud of that fact, the fact that she was able to understand Harry better than anyone. But she just couldn’t control the urge to look at him at every possible chance. The tears that had been welling up in her eyes were only at bay because of the Calming Draught Hermione had given her. She remembered it as it just had happened mere seconds ago.
x-X-x-X-x
“You know Ginny,” said Hermione, “you know.”
Saying this word Hermione moved out of the door, Ginny’s trunk following her. What Hermione had said, had confused her more, if it was even possible. But she could clearly make out the hidden meaning of her words, the single important thing those five words held. That she shouldn’t hurt Harry if she knew what was good for her.
And this was the type of coordination that scared her. The fierce feeling of protectiveness Hermione had showed toward Harry left Ginny fuming in anger. Because she was the one who was supposed to hold this right, because she was supposed to be the one who could claim Harry, not Hermione.
But the truth was different. Hermione had claimed him. Not in the way Ginny wanted to claim him, but enough to make Ginny jealous of her. What she won’t give to be as close to Harry as Hermione is? What she won’t give to always be with Harry?
But the truth of the matter was, she couldn’t have those things. Now the words which Harry had said to her outside in the grounds seemed oddly appropriate to what she was feeling.
“It’s been like . . . like something out of someone else’s life, these last few weeks with you,”
For her they had been. If she could, she would be happy to live in the memories of those days for all her life. But she knew it was wrong, she knew that then the moments would lose its charm, because it would be a façade to hide from the real thing.
And that was the last thing she wanted and at the same time it was the foremost thing she wanted. She was torn, torn between choosing what was right and what was easy and the circumstances around her weren’t making it easy for her.
“Ginny, are you coming?” Hermione voice penetrated the deadly silence which had engulfed Ginny. Ginny came back to reality with a start and started looking around, frantically trying to find Hermione. But she wasn’t there and with a snap she remembered that Hermione had gone downstairs.
With a heavy heart, Ginny trudged downstairs, all the while praying under her breath not to meet Harry.
As soon as she stepped in the common room, her eyes swept around the common room trying to find Harry. When she didn’t see him, she felt mixed feeling of satisfaction, and disappointment; satisfaction because she knew one sight of Harry would bring back hurting memories, disappointment because she had wanted to see him, even though she had tried her best to ignore that part of her heart and that part constituted almost her whole heart.
Still looking for Harry, she took a step forward and banged into someone.
“Sorry,” she said, turning to look at the person.
“So–”
Ginny heard the incomplete reply and her heart missed a beat, no not a beat, several beats. The world around them shrunk to hold just the two them. The time seemed to stop moving and her shocked expressions were mirrored on Harry’s face.
She looked Harry over. She had never scrutinized Harry this intently. Her green eyes were sparkling like freshly polished emeralds, but what hurt the most was the fact that he wasn’t looking at her. Hell, he hadn’t even looked at her once after that accidental meeting of eyes.
This filled Ginny heart with pain. She wanted to cry, cry her out but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her broken up like that. Didn’t she know that her point of view was irrational?
She knew. But it was very much easier to just blame everything on Harry. It gave her a feeling of being in control, by having the power to blame somebody else.
But it didn’t help her in stopping the flood of tears that were welling in her eyes. So she turned around, her face stoic and ran up the stairs to her room. She heaved, but nothing came out. Maybe her stomach was empty now.
But she didn’t care. As she reached her room, the tears she had been so masterfully hiding spilled out, stroking her cheeks as they fell on the floor.
She sat there all alone as she continued to cry. Time trickled away and no one came. Soon it was the time of their departure. But Ginny didn’t want to go. It was just too good sitting here all alone, accompanied only by her misery. At the least both had a common base, Harry.
Soon she heard the sounds of footsteps, which were coming closer and closer by every passing second. For one second she panicked that they were of Harry. This was before she remembered that boys can’t enter the girl’s dorm. At this she sighed, a sigh of contentment and displeasure. Before she could fathom more in her thoughts, Hermione poked her head inside her room.
At this moment Ginny anger which had buried itself somewhere during this whole fiasco, pumped to life. She felt anger coursing through her body upon seeing Hermione serene face. It wasn’t because of anything she had done; it was because she was getting a chance Ginny could’ve and would’ve killed for. She was getting the chance to hang around Harry without the awkwardness, without the need to escape to release the flood of emotions.
“What do you need?” Ginny spat, her word laced with such coldness that she was amazed Hermione didn’t freeze at the spot.
“Just reminding you that we need to board the Hogwarts Express… today.” She finished, her last word dripping with malice.
Ginny visible shuddered at this and called herself different names in her mind. Why the hell she had chosen her old dorm room to hide? She should have kept in mind that Hermione would search for her here. Now this room didn’t feel as welcoming as it felt before. Now there was a slight cold feeling coming from somewhere in the room, which send chill down her spine.
“I very well remember that,” said Ginny, as she furiously wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, “Have you babied Harry enough?” As soon as the words left Ginny’s lips, she wanted nothing better than to take them back. But she couldn’t.
A look crossed Hermione face, the look her friends had started to associate with her, when she solved a great puzzle. She entered, and Ginny protested, “This is my room. Show some respect to my privacy.”
Hermione ignored her and sat beside her. She was holding a flask in her hand. Ginny eyed it curiously and when Hermione made no attempt to hide it, Ginny looked away from it and focused on Hermione instead, feeling that the flask was not of her concern.
“So that’s what this is about,” said Hermione, sighing, “Harry.”
Ginny didn’t say anything; instead she looked pointedly away from her. She felt Hermione hand on her shoulder and she tried to shrug it away. But Hermione’s hand clung to her shoulder like it had been fixed there by a Sticking Charm.
“Persistent little…” Ginny muttered under her breath. But it was loud enough for anyone who was sitting around to listen. But Hermione didn’t show any sign of hearing what she had said, as she continued in an indifferent voice,
“You know Ginny,” she said, glancing at a point, unknown to other, “he is also taking the break up very hardly –”
“Huh…” Ginny huffed, “Doesn’t look that way.” – Ginny voice cracked a little, as she continued – “He looked happy to me; he didn’t even look at me for once.” She finished, her voice muffled as tears sprang from the corner of her eyes.
“You don’t even believe that yourself,” Hermione huffed, indignantly, “You are using one of the most common way to surpass the grief and pain you are feeling; by blaming the person who is the reason for your pain.”
“And isn’t that what one is supposed to do?” she said, not even believing herself, “People blame the person who hurts them and Harry is the reason of my hurt Hermione. He broke up with me.” She finished, her nose flaring.
“Don’t behave like you are some kind of martyr in this field,” Hermione said, turning to her, “How many boys did you break up with? Let me take a guess two, if I’m not wrong. Or was it more and you just didn’t tell me.”
“I never lied to you about these types of thing Hermione,” said Ginny, as she glared at Hermione, who glared back, unabashed, “And this is different?”
“Humour me,” Hermione said, “I don’t seem to find any extra clause attached. To me it was one of the unsuccessful Hogwarts romance.”
“Unsuccessful?” Ginny hissed, her body shaking from head to toe from indescribable fury, “I love him, Hermione. I love him.’
“Have you told him this?” Hermione said, her eyes looking a tad bit softer, “Ever?”
Ginny hung her head low and muttered, “No.”
“Then you don’t get any say in it,” replied Hermione plainly.
Ginny slumped to her knees, the anger slowly seeping away. Now all that was left was an empty hole, where her heart was supposed to be.
“Does he love me?” Ginny asked Hermione.
“I don’t know,” replied Hermione plainly, though her eyes betrayed her answer. They held a kind of look which told her that her words meant something different, not what they implied in common sense. It just confused Ginny more.
“I bet he don’t love me,” Ginny said, laughing at herself, “Why would he love me to start with? He can have any girl he wants, then why would he go for the small and ugly Ginny Weasley.” She finished her eyes again filling with tears. It was now turning a routine for her; spill her heart out and cry.
“You know Ginny,” Hermione said, “you are crazy.”
“I’m not,” Ginny protested, though her voice lacked the firmness, “I just like to live in the reality. I always keep my past behind.”
“Whom are you kidding?” Hermione asked, sounding a little amused, “You haven’t even able to move from what happened in your first year and you are telling me that you keep your past behind.”
“I have moved from that, that – event of my life a long time ago,” she answered Hermione, but inside of her, she was in a panic. She had never told this to anyone, not even Hermione. Then how did she figure it out? Maybe she was just aiming blindly; yes, she was aiming blindly, trying to weaken her resolve, trying to lure her into lies.
“I know you better than you know yourself Ginny,” Hermione said, “I have seen you twitching in nights and whimpering. I was the one at those nights who comforted you. How easily we forget!”
“Why are you mentioning this now?” Ginny tried her best to dodge from the touchy subject, “I see no connections of it in this situation.”
“You brought it up in the first place,” said Hermione, “So, don’t accuse me.”
“Anyway,” Ginny said dismissively, “why did you come here?”
“Isn’t it obvious,” Hermione looked irritated and it was most probably because Ginny had changed the topic at such speed, “For calling you down.”
Ginny didn’t say anything. Going down meant the increase of chances in bumping in Harry and she didn’t like it a tad bit. After hearing Hermione annoying but correct talk, her mind was kicked out of the ‘blame everything on Harry’ side. But still she didn’t felt ready to go and face Harry head on.
So, she was trying to look for an escape. Her eyes swept over the flask which was clutched securely in Hermione’s hand.
“What’s in the flask, Hermione?” Ginny asked, trying to pull her friend from her thinking. Because whenever Hermione behaved like this, it meant she was very close to solve something and frankly Ginny didn’t want her friend meddling in her life, not when the situation was skidding over such a thin line.
“Oh,” Hermione said, and she looked as some kind of realisation had struck her. Ginny felt like someone was gripping her tightly, blocking her every passage to run out. Ginny wanted to rewind the time, but it didn’t happen.
“Thanks for reminding me,” Hermione continued. Her eyes shone with something, something that sent chill down her spine. Was it mischief? Whatever it was, Ginny was sure she wasn’t going to like it, not even the tiniest bit.
“It contains Calming Draught,” she said and these four words speared her heart. Her words felt like ice shards.
“I can very well manage myself without relying on potions,” Ginny hissed and made a move to throw the flask away. Hermione reacted faster than Ginny could have given her credit for. In one swift moment, the flask was away from Ginny’s reach.
“I never said that it was for you,” Hermione answered coolly.
“So it isn’t for me?” asked Ginny, tentatively, “So for who have you brought it? For Harry?”
“Nah,” said Hermione, “It is for you.”
Ginny anger fuelled. She whipped out her wand, pointed it at Hermione and hissed, “Don’t play with me, Hermione. Don’t. Give me a damn straight answer. Is it for Harry or not? What has happened to him? And is he fine? And what in the Merlin name are you doing here, when he is not fine?”
“Aren’t you suddenly caring about Harry too much?” Hermione asked, though her eyes held a smug glint, “And no, Harry is alright. And the Calming Draught is for you.”
“Don’t joke Hermione,” Ginny said, lowering her wand. When Hermione gave no sign of mirth, Ginny continued, “I don’t want it. I am very much fine on my own.”
“I know,” said Hermione, sarcasm dripping from every alphabet of the two syllabi she had said.
“But it is for a plan I had in mind,” she continued, when Ginny didn’t comment on her obvious sarcasm, “to show Harry the error in his way.”
A feeling coursed through Ginny body. Was it hope? It felt so alien to her.
“What – what do you, you mean?” Ginny stuttered out, feeling the black hole she had for heart from quite a time now, turning into her heart again.
“Harry has acted as a jerk,” Hermione said, showing her annoyance with some decision of Harry. Ginny could only hope that the decision was what she thought it was.
“On what?” Ginny asked tentatively, knowing that she was walking on a very thin line.
“Don’t act as you know nothing,” Hermione snapped. When Ginny continued to look at her, looking like she didn’t know anything about the world, Hermione sighed and continued, “Isn’t it obvious? Harry breaking up with you.”
“And why…” Ginny let her sentence trail off as something remarkably like hope fluttered in her chest. It coursed through her body, lighting her up at once. Hermione didn’t go unnoticed of the sudden change as she raised a sceptical eyebrow.
x-X-x-X-x
And that’s how it had gone. Hermione had managed to persuade her in taking the potion, but it didn’t come in handy. Because Calming Draught could manage only this much. As soon as she would come in front of Harry, she would lose all her nerves and it would just be the Calming Draught that would keep her from turning into a miserable bundle of a witch.
So, she had kept quite from the moment she had entered the common room. Hermione had nudged her, pointed her toward Harry and even sometime tried to have them sit together. But in the end it was of little worth.
Even before they had reached the carriage, rumours about Harry and her break up had spread like wildfire. Some were over the top like, there was a fight and Ginny/Harry cursed the other, or they both involved in some ‘activities’ and decided that they both didn’t suit each other or even Harry had his way and had left her.
All of this should have angered Ginny, but the Calming Draught was continuing to calm her thoughts. It made her think that that if it wasn’t the reason Hermione had given her the Calming Draught in the first place? Because Hermione had pointed her toward Harry half-heartedly and left the task after few tries. It wasn’t like Hermione to leave a task like this.
Maybe she had tricked her. After all everyone knew winding her up would get her to except any weird challenge. And it wasn’t even a challenge, it was her heart desire. This thought emanated a scorching feeling in her heart but it was amazingly surpassed in a flick of a second. Ginny felt helpless; she couldn’t even be angry at someone now.
She glanced at Harry again. He was sitting completely still, his eyes fixed out of the window looking at the quickly escaping scenario.
Everyone in this apartment had been amazingly quiet and it contrasted with whole of the train. Apart from their compartment every compartment seemed to be a hub of commotion. Some of them even dared to peek inside, to disturb the epitome of peace in the whole Hogwarts Express. Even the cart lady had ignored the compartment, thinking that it was empty. It was her luck. Getting what she wanted the most and losing it in just weeks.
She sighed and for the first time in hours felt something like disappointment bubbling in her chest. Maybe the Calming Draught effect was running off.
She sighed again, felt the resentment growing inside of her. Now as much as her eyes wanted to seek Harry, she couldn’t. Even the name of Harry in her mind, was trigging switches, switches of panic. Maybe she shouldn’t have tried to run away from her problems.
No, you haven’t , a voice proclaimed in her head.
Yes she hadn’t. Hermione was the culprit here. She glared at the sleeping form of Hermione, with such intensity that could have melted rock. But Hermione continued to sleep, a slight frown on her face. What was troubling her that much, that she had a frown in her sleep?
Yes, she deserves it , she thought maliciously.
Suddenly, Harry stirred and the hem of his shirt came into her view. She quickly averted her eyes, cursing herself. She now couldn’t even stand a single glance of Harry. Where was the tough Ginny?
Time continued to trickle away in complete silence. The silence seemed to taunting Ginny and the aversion of her mind towards Harry at regular intervals wasn’t helping her much either.
Hogwarts Express started to slow down. But no one in their compartment showed any sign of registering the fact, except Ron who had started nudging Hermione. She stirred awake and flashed Ginny an apologetic smile. It confirmed Ginny suspicion. Hermione did plan all that, for what? Was it for her, or for Harry?
Maybe, no most particularly for Harry, Ginny thought.
After all Hermione wouldn’t have wanted Harry to deal with a crying mess she was sure to become in front of him. But still the thought didn’t cease the sprout of betrayal that bloomed in her chest.
So, she looked away, looked away from everyone who even faintly reminded her of Harry.
Damn. Everything seemed to end at Harry coming into the equation. Tears prickled in the corner of her eyes, as the Hogwarts Express finally skidded to a halt. The sky had gone dark and the purple canopy was studded with faintly shining stars.
From every corner of the Hogwarts Express she heard the sounds of scrapings of feet, sliding of doors and the babying of students by their mothers.
But the time in this particular compartment seemed to pass with the speed of snail crawl. Harry, out of all of them seemed to realise at last that it was the time to get off Hogwarts Express. His eyes swept across the compartment, filled with longing and looming sadness. A tear trickled down his cheek, which he hastily wiped and said in a hoarse whisper, “Let’s go.”
The two words turned Ginny’s world upside down. Her heart started to beat erratically as her eyes prickled with tears. They were finally moving away, maybe for never meeting. The thought issued a series of sobs, which she managed to control at the last moment, choking them out as coughs. The three pair of eyes turned to her and she shushed them away with a wave of her hand.
But she could still feel their gazes on her back. They were scorching her back, the intensity of their gazes were so profound. But Ginny didn’t let any sign of weakness out, even when her insides were just moment away from crumbling in a heap. She wouldn’t make it hard for Harry, she had promised herself. Harry had gone through much and he didn’t deserve more pain. Who knows…
She halted the progression of her thoughts. She didn’t want to complete her thoughts, even when she knew which way her thoughts were heading. So, she took a step forward and said in a hoarse whisper, “Let’s go.”
She said those words without even thinking and it unleashed a flood of painful emotions inside her. Repeating of these words meant that she was finally giving her consent to what Harry was doing, when she wanted that to happen when the world ended.
But she knew, she did know that this was bound to happen. Harry wouldn’t have had it some other way, but still it was painful for her. She would rather die than live without Harry.
Someone tapped on her shoulder and she snapped her head back. Her vision was blurred and her eyes were dazed because of the bright light for a second. She shook her head and saw Hermione looking at her with commiserating expressions.
She blinked, and her eyelashes came back to their place, sparkling. That was the point she realised that she was standing still and was crying. She hastily wiped her eyes and smiled. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Harry looking at her, looking like he was going through some kind of painful agony.
Ginny stretched her fake smile into a grin, and said, “Something got I – in my e – eyes.” Her voice cracked and some tears escaped her eyes. The expression the other three were giving her was quite clearly telling her that they didn’t believe her, not even in the slightest.
But she didn’t care because she knew she had some seconds before the dam of her emotions completely broke. So, she slid open the door and stepped into the mostly empty corridor of the train. She walked in slow even steps, letting the three of the others follow her. The four of them walked toward the door in complete silence, no one even daring to breathe a word. And in this silence, the noises coming from outside were piercing her ears like hot metal spearing skin.
But at the same time it provided her a much needed distraction. She would focus on picking out the sounds of people she knew or the things she liked and would try to stop thinking about Harry. It was of not much help, but it was all she could do.
Ginny walked out of the Hogwarts Express and in the King’s Cross which was now a hub of all the commotions. Footsteps of the other three got lost in all the mayhem, which made fear grip Ginny’s heart. She turned around and saw the three of them slowly approaching her.
She sighed in relief and turned back.
And suddenly, all the commotion, all the noise around her died. It sounded as she had landed in some kind of graveyard. Every pair of eye seemed to be fixed on a point somewhere behind Ginny.
And then suddenly there was a sudden outburst of murmuring, whispering and pointing. Ginny heard Ron voice for the first time today, “Buggers!” whereas Hermione made a noise of discomfort in her throat, which Ginny couldn’t identify because of all the noise. Harry on the other hand, remained still. He appeared to be oblivious of all the commotion.
Ginny now wanted nothing better than to turn around and comfort him, like she had done after Dumbledore’s funeral because she knew Harry, and even though he was not showing it, he was going through a painful turmoil.
But she knew, she couldn’t, she shouldn’t. They had broken up because of a reason, and she should at the least respect Harry’s wish.
Though what was the use, a thought crossed her mind. It was her last chance, her last chance to be near Harry. Maybe she should try to change Harry’s decision. Maybe if she tried she could change the inevitable. After all it was said that one could change destiny if they try.
But that was just a saying and nothing more. Ginny had seen the steely glint in Harry eyes and it was crying out loud that his mind was settled. If she tried she would just push Harry to suffering, and that was the last thing she wanted for Harry.
He was going to do something important, something which will automatically benefit all of them and Ginny didn’t want to make it hard for him, when to her it felt like the end of world. She wouldn’t show weakness, at least not in front of Harry.
And this task was turning out hard because of the painful stabs of tears in her eyes and the crying of her heart.
She felt someone squeezing her shoulder and such was her pain that she completely gave in the pair of arms and cried, cried her eyes out. The tears wouldn’t stop, as she cried over Harry. Her breath hitched and her oxygen supply blocked because of the sobs as she let herself get lost in the warmth of the embrace. She didn’t care who was it or about the promise she had made to herself. She just knew one thing, Harry had left her.
It looked to her that she had only understood the gravity of those words now. She heaved but there was nothing in her stomach, so except the bile burning her throat, nothing happened.
Someone called someone and the figure turned, making Ginny turn with them. But Ginny didn’t care in the least. She had a shoulder to cry on, to spill her heart out and for all she cared it could be of Professor McGonagall.
From blurry eyes, she saw people walking around her in hurry, looking like some kind of insects chirping around her.
And from the corner of her eyes, she saw a lone figure heading towards the exit of the platform nine and three quarters. Some people were standing still, watching his retreat. Ginny felt burning anger on the group before she realised that they were Order members. They must have been trying to change his mind.
His. Her head snap back to the slowly retreating form of Harry. He was walking in slow steady steps towards the platform exit looking like a man who had lost every hope in the world. The world around her spun, as she realised that her last chance to be near Harry, to talk to him was slowly breezing away with the passing time.
So, she pushed the figure and ran, ran to him, as tear leaked from her eyes and got lost somewhere between the people. Every step Harry took stretched the distance between them by miles but Ginny resolution was rock solid and that was the only thing that had her running up to now.
But the more he neared the exit, the more Ginny’s hopes were crushed. Because for some reason, the exit was the place where she would lose him, forever; the exit was the point if he crossed, it would be for no turning back.
And Harry was very near - very. very near. So, she gave an almighty push and lurched forward, pushing some people out of her way, viciously. All of them seemed to work in some sort of secret plan, a secret mission to prevent her from reaching Harry.
She opened her mouth to cry out to him, but only a sob escaped her lips. It was like even her body wasn’t in her control anymore. So she just ran, ran harder with every step, looking as her life was dependent on being near Harry for the last time.
No , she shook her head, not for the last time, just the next time would be a little far.
Ginny saw Hedwig turning in her cage. They both made eye contact and a silent message passed between them. Hedwig hooted, but Harry seemed oblivious to it. Hedwig hooted again and Harry ignored it. It wasn’t like Harry to ignore Hedwig. Hedwig started rattling her cage and it finally caught Harry’s attention. He stopped and looked at the cage.
Last chance , Ginny thought and gave all her strength to pound harder on the ground. The mob around her was turning it hard for her and the burning constrictions of her lungs weren’t helping her, not even in the least bit.
But at last, what felt like running for eternity, when in reality it was less than a minute, she came in Harry’s arm reach. Now when she had stopped, her thighs point blankly refused to move. Ginny tried to take a step forward, but it just left a burning sensation in them. She wanted to cry, call out to him, but her vocal cords thought otherwise. Tears sprinkled from her eyes, increasing the feeling of hopelessness in her.
And suddenly Harry started walking again. The world around seem to freeze and shrunk to hold just the two of them. Every passing fraction of a second was increasing panic in her heart. Her breath became laboured and her body started to shake, shake with pain, resentment, hollowness, dread…
And Harry took his first step. And the world came back to normal, not normal, ten times faster than it was before. Harry foot pounded the floor for another step and Ginny shot out an arm in desperation.
It grasped Harry’s shoulder, but Harry seemed to be oblivious of the touch. Her hand skidded down his biceps and down his elbow. And as her hand continued to skid, panic and pain gripped her heart tighter, almost crushing her heart in pieces, even when her heart had turned in fine dust in the morning or so she felt.
At last, her fingers hooked with his fingers. Harry didn’t even seem to be registering the fact that his hand was stretched backwards, at its full limit. Ginny gave an almighty yank and Harry stopped with a jerk, or rather was forced to stop. Ginny had never imagined it to work; Harry was just too damn powerful for this kind of thing to work.
But it had work, it had work even when she was the weakest, the weakest she had been in many years.
And Harry slowly turned towards her. Everything around her swirled in wisps of nothingness, leaving Ginny and Harry alone. He slowly turned to her, but his eyes didn’t stoop low to look at her. His eyes were fixed on his view point, which was a little over her head, just a couple of centimetre, but now, those couple of centimetres looked like couple of meters to her. Not for the first time, she cursed her small height and tilted her head upward to look at him.
And she instantly thought that she shouldn’t have done it. Harry eyes, which always were lively, were now dead. There was a dead look in them, almost like he was just living for a reason or rather was forced to live for a reason. They were puffy and red rimmed, his cheeks were tear strained and his Adam’s apple seemed to bob up and down continuously. She wanted nothing better than to hold him, to let him cry his heart out on her shoulder.
And suddenly his eyes stooped low, meeting her eyes.
For the first time, she realised that she too, had been crying this whole time. She savoured the last bit of touch between them, even when it was just minimal and only by their fingers.
She crooked a smiled through the constant flood of her tears that were assaulting her cheeks, dripping her face in them. Her eyes held a pained look as she stamped on a sob and whispered, “When will we meet again?”
A strong wind blew from out of nowhere, breezing her hair along with it. Harry’s hair, which were quite long themselves, slapped across his face as he sobbed for some time, looking like he was trying to regain his composure.
It looked like he was going through inhumanly pain, it was so merciless. He squeezed his eyes shut many times, pressed his lips shut with his teeth many times but it didn’t help much. The pain and the suffering were simply radiating from him.
After what felt like hours, he drew in a deep breath, started to turn around and whispered, “Sometime…”
That was the only word he said, before he turned back. The link of their hands broke as Harry took a step forward. They were back in the world, but the sound around them was next to none.
“I know,” Ginny whispered, “I know, you need to go. But promise me you will come back to me, no matter what.”
A trolley stopped with a lurch and it was that time, Ginny realised that Harry had heard everything. He turned toward her, smiled sadly and turned back and walked out of the platform, walked out of her life.
And that was the last straw. Ginny succumbed to her knees, crying hysterically. Her body shook with the force of the sobs as the world died down for her. Two pair of arms gently held her and cradled her somewhere. But Ginny didn’t care. She neither had the energy nor the will to walk. So she let her body to be taken away, even when her heart was bleeding at the spot where she had seen off Harry.