SIYE Time:11:35 on 13th December 2024 SIYE Login: no | | |
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Fixing Us By RSS
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Category: Post-DH/AB
Characters:None
Genres: Angst, Fluff, Romance
Warnings: None
Story is Complete
Rating: PG
Reviews: 24
Summary: Sometimes in his calmest interludes, his greatest emotional recovery from the war was just watching her. Early morning at the Burrow; days after the final battle; Harry and Ginny get a moment’s peace.
Hitcount: Story Total: 17755
Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.
Author's Notes: My attempt at officially reuniting Harry and Ginny once and for all... Thanks to Spenser Hemmingway for the much appreciated beta work. And to Gypsy Weasley for her insight!
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Fixing Us
Harry was startled awake and sat up quickly. He could hear Ron's snores and a new lighter, shallower breathing that he recognized as Hermione’s. Since they had arrived back at the Burrow, she slept in Ron’s room with them instead of her usual space in Ginny’s room. Harry looked upon his two best friends, so deep in sleep, Hermione holding onto Ron who was splayed out in every direction.
Even though they were now a couple, Hermione wasn’t there because she couldn’t be away from Ron. Harry supposed that it was because she couldn’t be away from them both. They had lived almost an entire year sleeping in the same small space together and it had become a comfort for her, and probably for them all, to be together in sleep.
Harry imagined it was sometime around three o’clock. When they were living in the forests, that’s when they always switched the watch. His body had been used to waking up at that time; even now, long after these many weeks had passed since the night he broke the Taboo. Every night of sleep he had had since, he had to remind his tired self that there was no watch and then usually, after a lot of tossing and turning, he was forced to give up the night’s sleep.
There were more reasons he couldn’t sleep. For one, the nightmares never stopped. It was always the same images and Harry longed for the day that they faded completely. One that he had bid Dumbledore farewell and boarded the train at Kings Cross. The other, watching Bellatrix’s killing curse hit Ginny square in the chest. Another….Voldemort standing over him as his last breath escaped him.
He checked his watch. It was later then he first thought, five-twelve. Harry sighed and stretched suddenly feeling somewhat rested. In truth, he hadn't slept that long a stretch since the day following the end of the war when he had slept what he reckoned was a stretch of thirty-two hours uninterrupted. Harry remembered waking up from that deep coma-like sleep to Ron, poking him with the sharp end of his wand to see if he was still breathing. His first thought after that was, I’m alive indeed. That was all.
Those short days after the final battle were a blur. Harry remembered leaving his bed in Gryffindor Tower, and no sooner arriving back at the Burrow with what felt like an armored brigade. There Bill and Mr. Weasley’s handiwork ensured that, no reporters could reach him, no Ministry officials could pester him. He was told, ordered in fact, by Mrs. Weasley that he, Ron and Hermione would do nothing but eat and rest. Which they had.
There were other distractions…he had a few visitors although he would hardly have wanted to see anyone that wasn’t already in the crooked house. Kingsley came. So did Andromeda and little Teddy who fell asleep right in the crook of Harry’s arm.
Lupin and Tonks were buried together near Hogsmeade, and he had briefly attended. He had held tight to Ginny’s hand, until he had turned to speak with Andromeda and she was gone. She had held tightly to him at Fred’s funeral, until she was whisked away to an older brother.
Therefore, it wasn’t surprising to him that almost no words were exchanged between them even now, ten days since he had returned to the Burrow. He worried again and again if he should find time to speak with Ginny soon, then doubted himself as to whether or not it as such a good idea to force such talk on her when she and the family were in mourning.
Except Ginny had been catching his glances every time he found himself getting lost in the waves of her hair. Her hand had found it’s way to his like a magnet, brushing itself against his while she passed him a dish at the dinner table.
And although he felt that his greatest emotional recovery from the war was just watching her, it wasn’t enough. He needed more.
Harry got out of bed, reached for his glasses, and dressed hurriedly in the darkness. Perhaps he would go for an early walk to clear his head. He wondered if maybe he felt the need to go back to the familiarity of forests that had essentially been his home for so many months.
As he passed Ginny’s door, he froze and for a moment considered going to her; crawling into her bed; waking her with a kiss. It was a risky move though, and contemplating the idea thoroughly, he decided that she really needed her sleep.
He was all set to go as he rounded the last staircase into the kitchen, when, to his surprise, the back of a witch with long flaming red hair, sent his heart into the same frenzy it had experienced when it found out its beats were numbered.
Ginny was sitting at the kitchen table reading the Daily Prophet, wearing what he immediately recognized as one of his old Weasley jumpers, her small hand wrapped around a cup of tea.
When she sensed his presence she looked up. He guessed that when Ginny saw who it was, she was glad because she smiled and he couldn’t help but reciprocate. Her eyes lit up briefly as if to say that she was very pleased to see him and that simple, silly thing made his heart fall into his stomach as it always did. He made to say something, but before he could open his mouth, she immediately shushed him quiet.
"She's just fallen asleep,” she said softly and motioned towards the couch where he saw Molly Weasley, fast asleep. .
Harry began to say something else, but was immediately silenced again.
"It took hours, Harry…please...let’s not talk right now."
Harry nodded and joined Ginny at the table.
As he reached across the table to take her hand, their eyes locked. He couldn’t help but notice how red her eyes were. She looked more than tired.
He hated watching what the war did to her; how it left her. Although she was so, so strong, brave, bold…everything she ever was, she was different now. Ginny was quieter…serious…older. He knew what the past year had done to her, and more than that, keeping the family together at this time was the most difficult thing he could imagine doing. It pained him to see how much responsibility fell on Ginny’s shoulders. Besides assisting in most of the funeral arrangements, and helping Fleur keep the house running in the past few days, it was she who also comforted her mother in the way only a daughter could.
Harry wasn't sure what to do other than speak so he tried again.
“Is that my old favorite jumper?” he whispered.
Ginny grinned. “As they say, finder’s keepers. You left it here last summer.”
“More like you nicked it out of my trunk last year.”
“Maybe.” She shrugged and took a small sip of her tea. “You didn’t ask for it back when we broke up…I figured if I just didn’t say anything…it would be mine by default.”
“You’re welcome to it. Doubt it fits me anyhow.”
“Yes, you’re much too skin and bones for it. It’ll probably be three sizes too large,” she smirked.
“Hey…” he said, half- affronted and half-self conscious about how slender he really was. “I…you try living on mushrooms and Hermione’s cooking.”
Ginny had to have a long, hard giggle with that one. “As if it weren’t enough to be hunted down by a maniacal Dark wizard, you had to eat Hermione’s cooking as well? You’ve been dealt a rough card, Potter. I must say.” She wiped the corners of her eyes where tears of laughter had formed.
“I hate mushrooms,” he grunted.
“I’ll remember that.”
Harry sat, mesmerized, as Ginny reached up to fix her ponytail, then yawned and stretched. “What’re you up so early for anyhow?” she asked.
"You haven’t slept,” Harry said seriously, not as a question but as an observation. It worried him. He did not like the fact that she wasn’t getting any rest.
Ginny shook her head. "Not really. I can hear her from my room…I can't allow her to be by herself.”
Harry nodded in agreement while the grief of Fred’s death swarmed over him again. It affected him physically. He wasn’t sure why. Harry knew it was all right, they were all right. That dying hardly hurt. That they were with other loved ones, that Lupin was with Sirius and his parents and one day, he would be too. That Fred was truly at peace. The guilt of what the war had done to families…it made him dizzy, like he was staring at the world through a telescope, like he couldn’t breathe. It made him feel so angry. As if he could have done more, done better, that so many lives didn’t need to be lost.
Ginny sipped her tea again and he took a piece of Prophet from the pile in front of her. The words swarmed before his eyes.
He stared over at her mum. "How's your dad…I hardly saw him yesterday."
"Dad...” she shook her head. “I guess he’s all right. I feel like…he’s just working so hard for the rebuilding effort…maybe just to keep his mind on other things. I know it’s been very difficult for him, with Mum being a wreck and all.” Ginny looked down at the paper again.
“Can you believe this?” she whispered. “Did you know Kingsley Shaklebolt plans to reopen Hogwarts by Fall?"
“Yeah, I did know that actually.” He ran a hand roughly through the back of his hair.
“I can’t believe that…the damage was so extensive. I wondered if there would be school next year at all. Listen, ‘Reports have confirmed that the re- building of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will commence in late June. The Ministry has already taken pledges for manual labor and spell work from the school’s own house-elf population and local citizen volunteers from Hogsmeade village and other Wizarding communities. Building will also be supervised by volunteer foremen. Named foremen include recent Hogwarts graduate and war hero Neville Longbottom and former Junior Undersecretary to the Minister, Percy W…Percy!’” she exclaimed. “He didn’t say any thing about this!”
“That’s….something, eh? I guess a career in politics didn’t work out so well for him.”
“Sometimes I wonder if he had been Imperioused.”
“Who, Percy?”
She nodded.
“I don’t think so…sometimes people see the error of their ways only after enough people have given up on them.”
“You sound so wise.”
He shook his head.
“Well, good for him…but the fact that Percy is back and the fact that he’s gone good now… I don’t know. We should all be happy about that because we never stopped loving him. He’s always been our brother, but we can’t be happy, because Fred is gone. It’s all so strange, Harry.”
“I know.”
“Everyone says it will get easier in time,” she said, playing with the ends of her ponytail.
“They tell you it will but it doesn’t,” he leaned over and held his head in his hands. “I can always put myself back in the moment that Sirius died. I still miss him like it was yesterday.”
“And Tonks…doesn’t it still feel so foreign? Like, I could go see her now; like she’s still alive and wondering what color she’d like to make her hair today; or like I could go to Diagon Alley and see my brother there, alive and selling Puking Pastilles.”
“Or U-no-poo.”
Ginny burst out laughing and he grinned. This was what he loved about her. Even when they spoke about something so somber, they could still have a laugh about it.
Mrs. Weasley stirred.
“Didn’t I ask you to be quiet, Harry?” She nudged his shoulder playfully.
“Oh…sorry,” he whispered.
Harry got up to make a cup of tea, but before he could sit back down, Ginny had leapt from her seat.
"Mind if I skip making breakfast today? I think I’ll go back to bed...I have no idea how long I've been down here anyhow."
"Why don’t you go up to bed and I’ll make breakfast,” he suggested.
Ginny cracked an amazing smile, and it took all of him not to just kiss it. “You don’t even know where anything is, Harry.”
“I’m really great at finding things.”
Ginny stood there with her arms crossed as he wondered if she really understood his attempt at humor.
“Really,” he continued, “I’ll help you if you show me where things are.”
“Ts’alright,” she sighed, “It’s just us anyhow. I think Ron can manage without bacon and eggs for one day. There’s some bread and jam Harry, if you get hungry.”
Ginny got up and crossed over to the living room, to check on her mum, then he watched her head towards the staircase while he was busy pretending to be reading an article in the paper. Suddenly he realized that his chance to be alone with her would be history if he didn’t do something about it.
“Wait.” He jumped up, then immediately regretted doing so, for he accidentally pulled the newspaper up with him, which somehow tipped over her half- drunken cup of tea. He saw her stand with her arms folded, corners of her lips turned up in what he assumed was amusement, while he grabbed his wand and siphoned the tea off the table.
When Harry looked up feeling slightly embarrassed, she was still standing there.
“Sorry.” He said.
“I wasn’t even drinking it.” She responded, still smiling slightly. “Is there something you were going to say before that?”
“I…well…I was wondering…if would you like to go for a walk with me?”
He waited for what felt like an hour, although he knew it took her only a few seconds to respond. “I’m tired, Harry.”
“Yeah…I…” he gulped, “I am too.”
“You should go up and rest then…” Harry took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes before putting them on again. “We’ll take that walk some other time.”
There was a moment of silence where she just stood there before she spoke again.
“Harry,” she said in the tiniest of voices, “I really want to go with you.”
“I know.” He half-grinned and they locked eyes.
It was an intimate moment when that happened, and it had been happening more and more. But now, neither of them looked away. Usually he would break the stare at some point right after it began; he never felt so comfortable having her look at him like that. But now that he caught Ginny’s eye, just looking at her and appreciating how beautiful she was, was so freeing after being kept away from her for so long.
Ginny crossed back over to the table, and leaned forward, taking both his hands in hers. He saw the flecks in her brown eyes flash to gold.
“You are tired too, yeah?”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”
“You should come up with me.”
“Up…”
“To my room. Don’t worry about Mum…,” Ginny said quickly, “she’ll be asleep for hours.”
“Is that really a good…”
“It’s a damn good idea. Listen,” she stood back, “we’ve just been through a war. You…you’ve been through hell, we both have, and now…we’re here finally.”
Harry nodded.
“Hey…” she said softly, touching his cheek, sending millions of chills down his back, “let’s go.”
As they walked upstairs together, Harry was beginning to think this would be better than a walk, although now his mind was spinning. Whether or not it was a good idea was completely up in the air at this point, but he didn’t know what to think or how to think it when Ginny was holding his hand. Halfway up to her room, she took his hand and squeezed his fingers gently.
When they arrived at the third floor, she cracked the door open to her bedroom and slipped inside.
Harry followed into the room he had only seen once.
It looked the same as he remembered. The window was dark and moonlight reflected on the floor at the exact spot where they had stood in embrace last summer.
Neither of them had shoes on so there was no need to slip them off. She just let her hair down from the elastic that was holding it, got into her bed, got under the covers and with a few delightful groans, turned herself to the wall
Harry, not sure of what else to do and seeing no other solution, decided to sit on the edge of the bed. It wasn’t a very large bed and although she was a pretty small girl, she still took up a bit of space. He then ended up laying flat on his back, resting his head on his hands behind his head. He could feel the side of her body against his, but that was all.
This was it; this was the moment he had wanted since the war began; since he had gone off to fight it, and here it was. It was this simple ability to just be with Ginny, without the fear of her dying and leaving him in a world without her.
Harry sighed. This was the first time they had ever lain in an actual bed together…alone…and it wasn’t exactly how he had imagined it would be. It didn’t help that she was entirely covered; his mind strayed just north of where it was supposed to, then back the other way.
There was hardly time to think thoughts like that now. Although, they were unbelievably excellent thoughts.
Ginny sighed and shifted a bit more against him and without having to think, his body just reacted and he found himself on his side holding her, like they used to on the couch in the common room. This time, Ginny purred, and he felt his arms tighten around her protectively.
She shifted into him and sighed. “That’s much better.”
“Agreed,” he murmured and buried his face in her hair.
Harry couldn’t describe the joy he felt at this moment if he had to. He tightened his arms around her, and hoped she couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating. Again, the same heart that had been counting down its last beats, now felt so alive…knew it was alive.
“I missed you this year,” she whispered. “You’d never believe how much.”
“Believe me, Ginny,” he said into her hair, “I would.” He tightened his arms again.
“I’m glad you missed me, then. If you hadn’t I would’ve lost my bet with Charlie.” He could hear her smile.
“What?” Harry half-laughed.
“Typical for Charlie.” She turned to face him, propping herself up on her elbow. “He said you were completely mental to end everything between us. Well you do understand; he’s my brother and all?” She began to pick threads from the embroidery on her quilt. “Anyhow, he figured that by the time you got back…Charlie just said you would be a different person, or that you would change, or you would have moved on.”
“What did you tell him, then?”
“I told him he was wrong…and that I was sure of two things, which we wagered on.”
Harry closed his eyes, hardly listening or able to keep up with her conversation, his mind buzzed with energy, every cell focused on how close he was to Ginny Weasley.
“What two things?” he managed to mutter.
“Well, for one I was right ‘bout how you really weren’t really just telling us you were off to finish V….You-Know-Who so you could move to a tropical island filled with young veelas. That’s what Fred and George kept teasing me about for ages.”
He half-laughed again. “Far from it.”
“The other….well…this one’s silly really.”
“What?”
“Just that…I was right…about you being really terrible at hiding your feelings from me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…” she rolled over onto her back, “you are pretty bad at it.”
Harry made a face. “I am not.”
“You are. That’s why I never kicked and screamed over losing you. I was angry and it took me a while to understand, but I just somehow knew that things would go back to the way they were…now. Given that there would be a now.”
“Well, we came pretty close to not having it…”
“We never did, Harry…” She found his hand. “I always believed you would do it...of course.”
“Well…thank you, Ginny.” He swallowed and let her link her fingers in his again. What he said next wasn't that hard to say; he knew that they would be able to put things behind them if they spoke about what happened between them last year. “That day by the lake…when I ended things…that was ages ago, wasn’t it.”
“It was, and it’s past.” She squeezed his hand tighter.
“If I could...go back in time… I would do a more thorough job of explaining that it wasn’t you…you were safer away from me. At the time, I couldn’t explain it any better.”
“I know. I admit I thought you were a bit stupid when you did it. I was angry. But then after awhile I understood, but I was...scared for you. Then back at school, they knew I was your former girlfriend. I don’t…I don’t know if you really know exactly what went on at Hogwarts this year, but I wasn’t exactly safe."
"I know." A great slice of harsh truth about the last year of her life cut through him.
"When I was serving detentions...I lied a great deal about how you ended it with me…so that the right people would think you really did despise me…”
He breathed out and stared up at the ceiling. Thinking about death eaters torturing students…torturing Ginny, made a bubble of blazing anger rise in his throat. “I realize I couldn’t keep you safe from the Carrows, Ginny. I wish I could have and had I been there…but…if it meant that Voldemort didn’t come for you or keep you prisoner, I would have said anything…anything.”
“Poor Luna.” Ginny turned on her back and stared up at the ceiling with him, still holding his hand.
“You’ve got no idea how awful that was. I don’t want to think…if it had been you down there in that cellar.”
“I would have done my damndest to resist as she had, but Harry…" she turned to her side and spoke into his shoulder, "We can go on forever about how hard, how terrible the last year was or we can move on from it... We're here. I know none of us got away without scars,” she ran her fingers lightly over the newest scar at his collarbone from the night at Godric’s Hollow, “but we survived.Isn't that something, Potter.”
"I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would, and I wasn’t supposed to…” He was determined to tell her something...For some wild, inexplainable reason, he felt he had to, that there were some things she had to know. “I want you to know... what happened that night."
“You don't have to...” She whispered. "If it's too soon."
He sat up, faced her and went on, letting what to say next come to him without thinking about it too much. “In the forest…You-Know-Who killed me."
"He didn't kill you. You were just pretending to be dead, weren't you?"
"Well, when you saw me, I was. But he did have to kill me and he did. He hit me with the Killing Curse..." He watched for a reaction, but Ginny didn't flinch. He knew she was prepared to listen to anything he had to say, even if it was difficult for her. He went on. "It wasn’t because he just did it… Essentially, he had to kill me to be able to die himself. I had to let him do it."
She stayed quiet, and surveyed him for a few moments before speaking again. “How did you live, Harry?” she asked tentatively.
He stayed quiet, unsure of how to answer, how to untangle the complexity of the matter, until she spoke again.
“The boy who lived twice, then are you?” She sat up, brushed the hair from his forehead and traced his scar sending chills down his back.
“When I died, I went to Kings Cross.”
“Kings Cross? Curious,” she said, playing with the ends of the hair on his neck. “Does everyone go there when they die?”
“No, I don’t think so, but that was my…place to go I suppose. Maybe everyone has a different one…”
“What happened next?”
“Dumbledore was waiting for me. He told me, I could have lived or gone on…pretty much. I could have boarded a train and never come back.”
“But then…you came back.”
“It wasn’t a hard decision. I couldn’t leave everyone behind to be at the mercy of Voldemort.”
“You had a job to finish.”
“Right, but there was this one moment that I want you to know about." He swallowed, not sure if he was really going to say this. “The moment the Killing Curse hit me…I thought of you. The first time…”’.
“In the Common Room?”
He nodded and without warning, Ginny leaned over and tumbled into him. They fell backwards on the opposite side of the bed and she held on to him tightly.
“That was our moment wasn’t it.” She looked up,and he noticed her cheeks redden up. “You were thinking of something happy, Harry. Like a Patronus Charm. Maybe that’s what saved you.”
She would understand when he told her everything else, in time. For now, it was nice to know that was a happy memory for her as well, and maybe she was right in a way, about it having something to do with saving him.
They were quiet for a long time; the only noises were each other’s steady breathing…crickets…wind.
After a time, Ginny hugged him hard. “You have no idea how good…of a person you are. Nobody else would have willingly walked to their death."
"They would have, if it meant saving others and ending it all. I did what anyone else would have done."
"No, you're wrong.We’re all too…concerned about ourselves. I don’t know if I could have done the same.”
"You wouldn't have had to... I couldn’t have let you,”
“Well why not," she looked as if there were something irritating about what he had just said, "It wasn't as if I had any choice in the matter. Even if you had come to say goodbye to me, you were going to do it whether or not I let you...And, if it came down to it, and I had to…”
“You couldn’t die."
"But you died…” She sat up quickly, her voice high and shaky. “When I thought you were dead, I wanted to die,” she said this as if it was the simplest of facts, as if she hardly had to think of it.
He pulled her back to him, surprising her with the force of it. "Don’t say that..."
"I wanted to,” she said calmly. “Because...I wanted to.... and you were dead, you couldn’t have stopped me..."
"No, Ginny.” He grabbed her wrists, startling her. He could feel his eyes water although he held down the urge to break down at the thought. “I would…have wanted you to go on. I would have wanted you to have a good life.”
She looked up at him, brown eyes suddenly rimmed in red. “I know, but it would never have been a good life…because I would have thought about you…all the time.” He knew this would be one of the rare moments that she actually cried. “And what could have been. And I would have missed you…probably every day.”
He knew then what she meant. As he held her tightly and let her cry, the enormity of the truth of those words settled over him. He pulled her close again and held her for a long time until it was she who finally spoke again.
“What are you going to do now, Harry?” It was a strange question to him, but very quickly, he realized that she wasn’t asking him what he was going to do today or tomorrow or the day after. She was asking about the very moment they were in. He thought about his response carefully.
“I have no idea what I’m going to do….I have a lot I need to fix about my life.”
“Like what?”
“Well…” he scooted down to look into her eyes, “fixing us for a start…”
“Oh…” She smiled sleepily.
“How do we do that?” he asked, while finding her hand and linking it with his own.
“We just…go for it I suppose. We just enjoy life, and the moments we have together.”
“Is this going for it?”
He kissed her.
Plain and simple and oh-so-good, she tasted like tea and honey, and something inside of him opened up. Then, what had begun as hesitant soon became strong and all-encompassing and he wouldn’t have stopped all night if she hadn’t pulled back.
“That’s another way to fix things.” She buried her face in his neck, her warm, shallow breaths sending aftershocks through him. He thought he felt a shiver run through her as he gathered his arms around her waist.
“You can say that,” he whispered gruffly. His body felt too warm, as if he had just come in from the sun.
He had cooled off substantially before she spoke again.
“Thank you, Harry,” she said softly and he knew by the sound of her voice that she was halfway between there and dreams.
“For what.”
“For living…for saving us all.”
Harry thought about that for a moment, but before he could reply she was asleep.
As much as he wanted to kiss her again, it was enough for now, to know that they had never forgotten the feeling of one another. There would be loads of time for kissing, he told himself and he would surely enjoy the time they had together, as she had suggested they should.
While Ginny slept in his arms, Harry thought back to nights he would watch her dot on the Marauders’ Map. He knew he would have done anything for this moment in the last year. This made him appreciate it all the more and he knew he always would appreciate her more because of their time apart, whatever the future held.
The future; Harry closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her hair. It was a distant, far-off concept, still hard for him to think of. He never had allowed himself to think of it really. So for once, in the peace and quiet of Ginny’s room, in the wee early hours of the morning, he did.
Not surprisingly, he couldn’t think of his future without Ginny being there. As he drifted off to sleep, he thought of a time in his life when he would tell her that. For the moment, just thinking of that, made Harry feel unlike he had ever felt before. Truly happy.
He finally did find his restful sleep.
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