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I Don't Want To Cry
By MarauderWannabe

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Category: Post-DH/AB
Characters:None
Genres: Fluff, Songfic
Warnings: None
Story is Complete
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 16
Summary: Crying in the Great Hall was the last thing Ginny wanted to do. Especially in front of the guy she loves.
Hitcount: Story Total: 7939



Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.



Author's Notes:
I own nothing out of this entire fiction, none of the characters, places, yeah, you get the idea. It's all JKR's. The song lyrics are not mine, but are the creations of Hawk Nelson and The Juliana Theory.




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I saw him go under his cloak. I could feel as his presence left the crowded Great Hall. I saw a curse rebound on its creator all because of him. And I still couldn’t believe that he was back.

Not just back, but alive. Something I hadn’t been sure was going to happen for the last year. And now it was real. That is when I realized.

I was still in love with Harry Potter.

The Harry Potter that had just defeated You-Know-Who and became the savior of the Wizarding World.

But that’s not what he was to me.

To me, he was the guy that I fell in love with during my 5th year. He was the guy who could make me laugh. He was the one I kissed on his 17th birthday.

At the time, I had thought that that was going to be the last time that I kissed him.

But now, I knew that we had more than enough time.

We had the rest of our lives.

I walk the line, leave it all behind
I've been waiting forever
Let's go back in time when I could read your mind
Still I've been waiting
It took the seasons going by to know it's not my fault


That is, if he decided to take me back. I wished that I could go back to the time when I knew everything about him. I was leaving my last year of Harry-free existence. I had waited long enough to find out where we stood.

Now was the time that I was going to find out whether or not this chapter in our lives would end with me in his arms or us as just friends. I hoped that it was the former.

I stood up from the table where the rest of my family sat and I walked out the doors of the Great Hall, knowing I would look back on this moment for the rest of my life. Good or bad.

I stepped into the empty Entrance Hall and looked around. He wasn’t there. I looked around defeated. My moment was gone. How was I supposed to know where he went in the huge castle? For a minute, the weak part inside of me told me that it was over. That this was a sign that I wasn’t supposed to be with Harry. Maybe he was met to be with someone else.

But then, the normally functioning part of me remembered when we kissed on his birthday again. There was no way that a kiss like that could mean that we weren’t supposed to be together. Hadn’t we both survived the war that had threatened everything? Fred and Remus and Tonks had all died. They had died and yet Harry and I were still alive. Hell, Harry had come BACK to life. That had to have counted for something.

I was sitting down at the base of the grand staircase leading to the castle’s upper floors, my head propped up on my hands that were resting on my knees. It had been forever since I had seen him for more than five minutes at a time or even talked to him.

It's been so long since you've been home
I used to wait up forever
I used to say a prayer, wishing you were there
I'm still waiting

I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep since last July. Every night I would sit up thinking about Harry. Thinking about where he was, how close he was to defeating Voldemort, and whether he was even alive. Whether he still loved me, or if he ever had at all. Questions that I didn’t have answers to popped into my head every minute of every day, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on my schoolwork even pushing myself to think of how Hogwarts wasn’t Hogwarts anymore. No more houses? Snape as headmaster? Death Eaters for teachers? This wasn’t Hogwarts and I knew that this year never would have been. Not without Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I’m still waiting for Hogwarts to go back to how it used to be.

That moment is never going to come. Harry is not going to come back to Hogwarts. Ever.

That is when I felt the water welling up behind my eyes and I knew if I let them go they would not be pretty, petite lady-like sobs, but full out bawling. I realized that things would never be the same. That Harry obviously didn’t want to be with me, that I wouldn’t see him nearly as often as I would have liked and we would never be “together”. Ever. I had changed for him. Not in drastic ways. But in noticeable ways and I realized that he would never notice.

I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

The whole last year I had tried to do exactly what Harry had wanted me to do. Live a normal life away from him. I tried to do that perfectly. It didn’t work for a day. A month after I realized that wasn’t going to work was when I tried to steal the Gryffindor sword out of Snape’s office. The job hadn’t turned out so good.

I had tried to be a stronger person than I was being. I tried to forget, tried to not let others see what was eating me up inside. That didn’t work well either.
I tried to keep my decisions less rash than they were before, again something Harry had wanted me to do. That didn’t work.

I had tried to be everything that Harry wanted.

I guess I wasn’t supposed to be though.

Just thinking that made tears well up in my eyes, but I still wouldn’t let them fall

I knew it wasn’t Harry’s fault. Merlin, I could never blame Harry for me being stupid. He had said he was coming back. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. But he was back. Not back to me, but back in general. Now I didn’t know if I could make myself believe that he was never going to be with me again. I had gotten used to being alone though. Well, not completely alone. But without the guy that I had fallen for over a year ago.

You told me once you'd show up, but I fell for that before
I fell to pieces then I woke up to no one


I heard someone coming down the stairs. Knowing that someone would think I was crying, I desperately tried to keep the tears inside my head as I combed through my hair with my fingers. With my eyes still focused on the marble tiled floor, I stood up and nearly fell into someone. I looked up.

Damn! I thought as I looked into the emeralds staring back into my much plainer brown ones.

In my moment of weakness, a tear slipped out that Harry swiped away easily.

“Hey,” Harry said in a concerned voice, trying to read my mind by piercing my eyes with his.

“Hey,” I replied shakily.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his face suddenly turning serious.

“Nothing, I’m just really happy, you know with the whole war being over and everything,” I lied through my teeth. I could tell instantly he didn’t believe me.

“You never cry when you’re happy, you only cry when you’re upset. Hell, you never cry, unless something is really wrong.”

“So, what is it to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why would you care whether I’m upset?”

“Because I care about you.”

“Really?” I said, finding my true voice, not the shaky imitation that replaced it at the beginning of the conversation.

“Really.”

I knew I shouldn’t have. I knew I should’ve kept up a hard core argument going, but even I couldn’t pretend that his words had no effect on me.

“Is there a reason you haven’t talked to me all night?” I tried to sound threatening but it didn’t work.

“You and your family just seemed like they wanted to be together and I didn’t want to intrude or anything,” Harry said, his hands in his pockets as though he was unsure of his answer.

“You wouldn’t have been,” I replied with a strong voice looking right into his eyes.

My statement was followed by silence. Not the awkward kind, but it definitely wasn’t the most comfortable moment of my life. Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t stand him just staring at me like that, like he was…….well, like he was in love with me.

But, I knew that wasn’t true.

“So, what are you going to do now Mr. Savior of the World?” My attempt at a joke didn’t have the effect I had wanted.

“I was actually thinking about coming back here.”

I choked on my own saliva. I didn’t even know that was possible.

“Why?” it sounded a little harsh once the word was actually out of my mouth.

“Well, why not? I mean I don’t really think I want to be an Auror anymore and why waste a year?”

I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. Why did I even think that he would say he wanted come back because I would be here?

“I mean, I also kind of want to come back because…um,” he started without any real confidence.

I suddenly became more alert. Don’t do that! I told myself sternly. Getting my hopes up would do nothing but crush my heart farther.

“Because Hermione and Ron are thinking about coming back too, so that’s good.”

“Oh, well yeah, I guess that makes sense. Listen, I got to go get something to eat I’m starving,” I said turning around and heading back toward the Great Hall. I knew that I was leaving a really great thing behind and then it hit me. I still loved him and then I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes when I heard him.

“Ginny, wait,” Harry said, quickening his pace so that when I turned around he was right in front of me again.

“What now?” I could hear myself getting angry with him, but I really didn’t care. I think somewhere inside of me I felt as though if I didn’t feel anything than maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

“Just listen.”

I looked at the ground and saw my worn trainers tapping against the ground. What is wrong with me?

“I love you, Ginny.”

My head snapped up.

He said it in a rush and I wasn’t sure if I heard him right.

“What?” I asked in an awed voice, my eyes now locked on hi.

“I love you and I wasn’t really sure until I saw you sitting on the steps crying or almost crying or whatever you were doing just then. Even though I didn’t know it was something I did that caused it I felt completely responsible. I mean, how could I not love you and feel this way about you?”

I just stood there, speechless and Harry took that as something other than it was.

“I mean, I’ve been away for a really long time and I don’t expect you to feel the same way about me,” he said quickly, as though that somehow erased what he had just said.

“I tried to be the perfect girl for you, Harry. But, through it all, I realized that I’m not. I really want to believe you,” I finally managed. “I mean, I want to be with you and I want to believe you,”

I want you
I need you
I want to believe you

“Because, because I love you Harry Potter. But deep down, I know that I’m not the perfect girl for you, I’m not even close.”

“I don’t need the perfect girl,” Harry said, looking me straight in the eye. “Because I have you.”

And as soon as he said that, I smiled and I felt like I would never stop smiling as though my lips were permanently curved.

Just as Harry’s lips were about to cover mine, for the first time in a year I felt complete for I knew that we had years ahead of us to fix everything. To make up for the time we had lost, and to live without the threat of You-Know-Who and more importantly for me to realize just how much I was in love with Harry Potter, the amazing person, not the Boy-Who-Lived that I had had a crush on for so long because now, I knew the difference.

We got a lot of time
And it sure feels right
“We’re at the Top of the World” by The Juliana Theory


Yeah, so what did you guys think? Review, review, review!
Reviews 16
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