SIYE Time:22:25 on 24th October 2021

Freaky Valentine
By Marauder Evans

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Category: Alternate Universe
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley
Genres: Comedy
Warnings: Sexual Situations
Story is Complete
Rating: R
Reviews: 23
Summary: Harry and Ginny get a weird Valentines Day. Rated R just to be sure...
Hitcount: Story Total: 5795

Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.

Author's Notes:
Happy Valentines Day! This is a very random fic that just popped up in my head...i know it's weird and short, but enjoy!



“Ginny, get up, we’re going to Diagon Alley!” A bushy haired girl exclaimed pulling Ginny's sheet off.

Hermione Granger scampered across the room to the bathroom, tripping over the rim. “I’m Ok!”

Ginny rolled of her bed, dressed in a short hot-pants and a tank top. She didn’t bother with her hair, her face or how scruffy she looked.

She passed the bathroom and heard someone yell. Turning around she saw two bodies fly at her, yelling.

“All man scatter, Yeti in the house!” Fred and George tackled Ginny to the ground.

“False alarm, It’s only Ginny!” Fred exclaimed.

Ginny rolled her eyes and kicked George off her leg. “You two don’t know the difference between a yeti and your sister?”

The twins looked at each other hopelessly before turning back to Ginny. “Well, we saw the red bush, Gin. What were we supposed to do? We thought it was one of those rare, red yetis strolling around in our house.”

Ginny rolled her eyes, giving the twins a rude gesture before continuing her way down the stairs. She opened the kitchen door, getting blinded at the age of sixteen by sun, before walking into the room.

A messy-haired boy with glasses sat there on the table, stuffing his face with greasy eggs and sausages with toast. He gave her a muffled greeting, which Ginny returned.

“Ginny, you’re awake. Good, now you can wash the dishes when we’re done eating.” Mrs. Weasley smiled evilly at her daughter as she came through the doors.

Ginny groaned, letting her head drop on the table. “Sure thing, Mum.”

Ginny turned her attention to Harry and recognized that he was shirtless; wait was he wearing a boxer? Oh, it’s just Ginny’s eyes; well he was shirtless, flashing everyone that could see his well-sculpted body.

“Enjoying the view?” Harry mused grinningly.

Ginny nodded honestly which made Harry laugh. She looked at her watch and sighed. Where was Hermione? She was supposed to be down here by now…


“Oh, Ron!” Hermione exclaimed giggling.

Ron‘s ear reddened as he grinned smugly. “Happy Valentines Day, Hermione.”

Hermione kissed his cheek, pulling the covers over her torso. “You know, I just took a shower…”

Ron shrugged. “Well, I haven’t bathed for a week.”

Hermione choked. “What? A week?!”

Ron nodded before bursting into laughter at the look on Hermione’s face.

“Hey, what’s so funny? We want to know, too — oh Merlin...” Fred walked in the room with George at his side.

They looked at each other, then at Ron and Hermione. George cocked his head to see the little opening in the sheets. Hermione gasped and tugged on it, closing the gap, glaring at George who grinned guiltily.

“First we see yetis stroll around our house and now you two are christening beds?” Fred exclaimed dramatically.

George snorted. “Yeah, what’s next? Voldemort opens his own market?”

They shook their head in disbelief at the two before exiting the room.

“You think they’re going to tell?” Hermione asked softly.


“We just caught Ronniekins and bookworm in bed!” Fred and George exclaimed to the audience once they were downstairs.

There were several gasps and Mr. Weasley fainted. Molly fanned him a bit before turning to her sons.

“Have you to got pictures? They’re good for blackmailing!” Molly mused evilly.

The twins shook their head. “No, we didn’t. We aren’t pulling any pranks today. In fact; we haven’t done anything yet…”

Everyone gasped in shock until Mrs. Weasley spoke up. “You two are lying. What have you done? If you broke on of my China’s I swear To Merlin I will k-“

“We didn’t break it! We haven’t done anything!” they exclaimed, sounding quiet offended.

“They sound, serious. For once…” Harry whispered softly into Ginny’s ear who nodded.

The twins took their seat and later a red-faced Ron and Hermione came walking through the door. Various cheers and slaps on the back followed soon after, much to the couple’s discomfiture.

After everyone ate themselves full and Charlie excused himself to go fire up the toilet, they started getting ready for Diagon Alley.


The Weasley’s plus Harry and Hermione strolled down Diagon Alley. The trio and Ginny made their parts with the rest of the family.

Along the way, they passed Knockturn Alley. Harry’s scar began to burn, causing Hermione to fuss about him.

“He’s so close…” Harry breathed.

They heard a cough come from behind them, they turned and Harry gasped.

“Ehm, excuse me, do you know where Knockturn Alley is?” a raspy voice asked. The man had red eyes with two lines as nose hole and thin lips. His skin was marble white. Lord Voldemort was asking the golden trio and Ginny directions to Knockturn Alley.

“Well, do you know or not?” Voldemort huffed impatiently, adjusting the bags he carried.

“V-Voldemort?!” Harry exclaimed. Voldemort raised a brow at him.

“No, I’m Dumbledore. Listen, Potter, if you want that last war battle thing, you’ll have to do it later. I need some Dark potions. I’m planning an attack on Hogsmeade, and all of my men have fallen ill suddenly, except Severus but he went missing.” Voldemort frowned lightly, his prying eyes searching the crowd for a bundle of greasy hair.

“I’ll go ask someone else the way to Knockturn Alley if you four baboons are going to stare at me like that. It’s not as if I have a restraining order to be here! How rude!” Voldemort exclaimed before stalking off.

They could here him muttering as he went. “You think people would show a bit of respect to strangers…”

“That was You-Know-Who?” Ron asked curiously. “Ugly little sucker…”

They nodded until Ginny spoke. “Well, he was quiet the looker back in his days…”

Everyone snapped their head towards Ginny who just shrugged simply. “What?! He was…”

They just shook their head at her before walking towards the Quidditch store. They stepped inside and found a greasy black haired man with dark empty eyes staring at them coldly. He sat in a corner, sulking as if there was no tomorrow.

Ron nudged Harry who nodded knowingly. They made their way over to their old Potions Professor.

“Professor Snape? What are you doing here?” Hermione asked once they reached their Potions master.

Snape glared at them before sulking again. “The Dark Lord has commanded me to go shopping with him. I managed to slip away when we walked past the pet store as he turned his attention to a snake. Nagini’s getting old.”

They raised eyebrows at each other and at Snape. What was going on? Voldemort’s going shopping, Snape’s running from a shopping spree with the Dark Lord, Fred and George haven’t pulled a prank yet, Ron and Hermione slept together. Oh yeah, it’s Valentines Day.

“Oh NO! He’s here!” Snape hissed and quickly ran in the back of the stores. They turned and saw a distressed looking Voldemort enter the shop, six bags on each arm.

“Let’s just get out of here, ok?” Ginny suggested uneasily.

The trio nodded and followed Ginny out of the shop. Ron and Hermione informed Harry and Ginny that they were going to the ice-cream parlour, leaving the two alone.

“Hey, want to go, somewhere?” Harry suggested after a painful silence.

Ginny shrugged. “There’s no where to go…”

“That’s true…Hey, is that Malfoy with…with Luna Lovegood?” Harry squinted his eyes when he saw a flash of platinum blonde.

Ginny gasped and waved to Luna. Luna pulled Draco in the direction of her and Harry.

“Hey, Ginny! Hey, Harry!” Luna said dreamily.

Draco just drawled out something.

“Luna, what are you doing in Diagon Alley with Malfoy?” Harry asked eyeing Draco.

Luna giggled dreamily. “We’re here because it’s Valentines Day. You know, the day where lovers ravish each other in various places and whe -”

“Enough said, Luna. I don’t need images of you and Malfoy here ravishing each other,” Harry sniffed.

Luna smiled and started walking away. “See you two lovebirds, later! Enjoy your ravishing!”

They waved her off. They sighed.

“Is today really Valentines Day?” Ginny asked and watched Harry nod.

“Some Valentines Day. Let’s just go home, ok?” Harry suggested and Ginny nodded in union.

“There are too many things happening here. Oh look, Tom just got kicked out of a store!” Ginny exclaimed pointing towards a shop where six bags flew out of the door and pushed an angry looking Voldemort out of the shop.

“Do you have any idea who I am?! I am Lord Voldemort!” Voldemort exclaimed drawing his wand.

The salesman gave Voldemort a rude gesture. “Voldemort my buttocks! You really think that the Dark Lord would walk in our store, let alone try and steal all the Lemon Drops?! You’re a sick little man and ugly too! Go get a make-over and maybe I’ll see if I’ll let you in next time!”

With that the man slammed the door in his face. Few people sniggered. And on Merlin’s grave, tears started welling up in Voldemort’s eyes as a four-year old kid started laughing at him.

They saw Voldemort yell at the door before gathering his stuff quickly, running around a corner, Snape in tow.

“Let’s go before it gets out of hand here…” Ginny pulled Harry’s arm.


“Here, Gin, this is for you.” Harry handed Ginny a heart-shaped box with chocolates. Ginny grinned before hugging him tightly, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Well, at least I have one Valentine.” Ginny smiled.

Harry grinned before pulling her into a breath-taking kiss.

“Whoa, what was that for?” Ginny sighed.

Harry shrugged. “For being my Valentine on this freaky Valentines day!”


“Severus, you think she’ll like these flowers? I haven’t really spoken to her since the Chamber…” Voldemort asked hesitantly to Snape who sat there sulking.

“Yes, my Lord. I’m sure Moaning Myrtle would love the lily’s…” Snape drawled rolling his eyes when he saw Voldemort make an attempt to comb his hair.

Voldemort nodded confidently in the mirror. “Good, now, let’s go. Hogwarts, here we come!”

Snape shook her head muttering, “And he thinks that Albus Dumbledore would actually let him in the castle…”

Voldemort turned around, hearing Severus’ concerns. “Of course he will; it’s Valentines Day!”

“Yes, my Lord. It is indeed Valentines Day…” Severus muttered darkly.

He hated Valentines Day.
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