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I give up | ||||
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Category: Alternate Universe Characters:Harry/Ginny Genres: Angst, General Warnings: None Story is Complete Rating: PG-13 Reviews: 5 Summary: **Everything I have ever done to make him see me was pointless, because how can he ever see me if he does never even look?** Ginnys POV, OneShot Hitcount: Story Total: 5130 |
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Disclaimer : Would you have expected that I own nothing about Harry Potter, because it all belongs to JKR? Yes, I guess you would. The poem at the end isn’t mine, I’ve found it somewhere. I give up Okay, there you go. I guess it is time for me to give up now. I can’t believe that I am really saying that, I am giving up after eight years. After eight years of hoping, of dreaming, of smiling (the smiling was part was rare, though) and of crying. I have waited for this day to come quite a long time, and hey, it really is somehow relieving to know that I have accepted that it is pointless. It is pointless, and I have been blind because it took me so long to see that. Everything I have ever done to make him see me was pointless, because how can he ever see me if he does never even look? When he looks at me, all he sees is a red-haired girl with a quite pretty face, freckles and a rather well developped body. But he does not see me. He has never seen me, and I guess it was too much to expect, that that would ever change. The girl he is looking at, is surrounded by a bunch of girls the whole day long. The girl he is looking at is smiling, is happy, is vivacious and strong. The girl he does not see, is on her own, waiting for him to come and save her, knowing though, that he never will. The girl he does not see is broken inside, shattered into a million pieces, and she is terribly weak at times. She only wants him to reach his hand out to her, knowing though, that he never will. I am scared of him more than anything. More scared than of Tom Riddle. Harry has been able to save me from Tom Riddle, then. But who is going to save me, now? I am not really scared of Harry, not of him as a person. I am scared of the power he has over me. The power I have unconsciously given him, and the power he does not even know he posseses. I hate him the one day, I silently curse him, and on the other day all I can do is stare into nowhere, dream of him and long for his presence. But with time I learned how to hide my feelings, I learned to seem stronger than I am. I didn’t even do something, it just happened. Whenever anyone would ask me if everything was okay, I would answer with yes. I always would. Although I knew, without any doubts, that it was nothing close to okay. Falling for Harry taught me lots of things, looking back now. I learned being there for him when he was sad, without ever thinking of how sad it made me that I didn’t mean to him what I wish I did. I learned supporting him, always, even if the support I gave him would mean taking some more steps backwards for me. I learned to love him as a best friend; I learned to love him in a way he could return my love. It might seem as if I became protected from getting hurt, but that’s not true. The only reason I seem so unbreakable is that I am already broken, deep inside. And after everything I have tried, after being naïve and silly; I am now, giving up, Harry. Giving up for good. I’m giving up and giving in because I can take no more. I have searched for a way to his heart, but the only thing I have found was that there is no such way for me. Well, yes, I know that staring at him is wrong. I know that dreaming of him is so wrong. And I know that feeling the way I do is the wrongest thing I have ever done. My mind knows that, but my heart is far beyond that knowledge. I have looked for heart shaped stones, believing that they would bring me luck. I have spent days on meadows, in order to find a four-leaf clover. I have prayed for love, more than I have ever prayed for anything. I have written poems, considered sending them a million times. I never did send them, though. I have baked buiscuits containing any love potion, but of course I have never eaten them. I have spent countless nights lying outside in the cold, staring at the sky, waiting for shooting stars, to wish upon them. I have kept every eyelash I ever found lingering on my cheek, only to let them all leave with the wind for one damn wish... But somehow...nothing helped. I can’t say I had even expected it to help. However, I had been convinced that, the more I believe in true love the sooner he comes and sees me for who I am. The sooner he looks into my eyes and reaches my heart and my soul with them. Well, and now, Harry, I am giving up. Realizing that I had to let you go was the probably hardest realization ever, the probably hardest decision I ever had to make. But it is for the better, for now, for me, and for you. The problem is, that the power he has over me now, is a power he will always have. Knowing that I can’t do anything against that, knowing that I can’t take this power away from him, is bending my knees. Because it makes me fragile, breakable, if there is even anything left to break, that is. And if he would come to me tomorrow, telling me those words that mean the world to me, then I couldn’t resist. I could never resist. For he has got the power. It is in his eyes and in his heart. It is my most terrible weakness. You have the power, Harry. And now, I am giving up. *The moon once asked me Why don’t you leave the man making you cry? Oh moon, I answered Could you ever leave your sky?* (A/N)Okay, I personally think that it’s really sad, but I don’t know if that’s the way you think about it. Well, Please let me know! Just tell me your opinion, whatever it is. By the way, it was really hard to get to the 1000 words, because at the beginning I had merely about 700. |
| Reviews 5 |
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