some times life does nto go according to plan and then some...albus should know better but then again with harry he never did...hope harry just stays a week and then leaves...kutgw

I find this story a little hard to follow. There is just so much in it that does not make sense. It can still be enjoyable, and it uses some original and interesting ideas, but some areas are either incredibly odd (Scrimgoer as interim minister) or out of character (Albus, etc) that it notably reduces the otherwise enjoyability of the story. As I mention at the end of the review, some out of character aspects I have found it necessary to accept in fanfiction (Dursleys, Albus), but I believe it necessary to mention them despite this fact, as sometimes the ramifications of this non-canon out of characterization is overlooked by the author.


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The Dursleys are extremely more abusive - and more enjoying of the abuse - than in canon. Granted, I presume you need this for some reason or justification within the story - or where you intend to send it. However, I feel it only fair to point out that in canon this would have been impossible. Excluding Dudley, there are only two instance in canon that could be considered abusive or potentially abusive.

In one (book 2, Petunia swinging a pan in the direction of Harry), it is unclear if she could have hit in the first place (how close was she to him, how fast / slow did she swing it, and so forth). It could have been a shooing motion for all we know. As I recall that scene was not even shown in the movies, although as differing as the movies are from canon that would not necessarily mean much even if it was shown.

In the second instance (book 5 or 6 as I recall), Vernon becomes some enraged at Harry that he attempts to choke him - and is immediately electrically shocked and blasted backwards by magic. It is never revealed in canon whether this is due to any of the various wards placed by Albus or due to accidental magic. However, as such a blasting of magic never protected Harry from bullying attacks by his cousin - which were usually off property, on the route between there and the local school - it suggests that it either 1) it was due to the wards, or 2) Dudley never attacked Harry seriously enough for Harry to panic enough to use accidental magic against him. Also note that if this is accidental magic, then it is the first use of such since the start of book 3, when he blew up his aunt by marriage.

It was been suggested in several areas that accidental magic fades during adolescence and is gone by adulthood, although it has also been suggested that extreme situations might also result in accidental magic even later in life. So the situation is still not clear, although the possibility that it resulted from one of the protective wards placed by Albus cannot be ignored. Even if he did not place wards for such situations, his intellect and knowledge of magic (and accidental magic) would have given him plenty of reason to believe Harry would be safe from any extreme physical harm from the muggles, presuming he had reason to believe family could act in such a way. (The importance of family to Albus is explained further below.)

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This leads to the second point of concern:

Dumbledore is notably out of character - to the point that half the time I have to stop reading for a few moments after reading some of his lines and actions. For an individual whose intellect is without peer in all of magical Europe - with the possible exceptions or Grindelwald (imprisoned) and Voldemort (currently Vapermort), he seems to need quite a lot explained to him. In canon people barely start to explain the situation before the text describes Albus as suddenly reacting in a manner suggesting he understood the full implications of what was being said - and possibly far more of the implications than the speaker themself understands of the situation.

In fact, JKR has stated several times that Albus' great failing is that there is no one in magical Europe he can 'bounce ideas off', that no one (excluding the prior mentioned two) even approaches his level of intellect, understanding, and so forth. Because of this lack of debate / conversation, he misses details that might otherwise have been noticed. A lesser failing is his absolute faith in the solidarity of family, which seems to be due to how he and most other pure bloods were raised in the wizarding world. Even the Malfoys, when faced with a choice between Power and the continuance of the family line, chose family first. Albus himself gave up all of his dreams and wishes to take care of his own family after his mother died, which is what made Grindelwald so appealing when he showed up, as it allowed Albus to both take care of family while also fulfilling some of his dreams (ie: the research and plans he made with Grindelwald prior to the confrontation that lead to Ariana's death).

The Albus Dumbledore of this story seems, at best, to have average intelligence. He needs even straight forward situations explained to him nearly in full. Also, while canon Albus is manipulative, this Albus seems more controlling. Canon Albus could change plans on the fly, arrange events so that even the impossible might have a chance of possibility. (Consider Harry's survival, for example - utterly impossible unless he happened to be struck by the killing curse by Voldemort [and even then only a chance of survival], yet Albus managed to arrange events so that it would not only happen [giving Harry a chance of survival rather than none], but that it would happen in a manner that would potentially protect most of the people at Hogwarts from Voldemort [Notice that, as Harry mentioned in the final book, none of Voldemort's spells could permanently or harshly affect anyone Harry died for - virtually everyone in Hogwarts, including the Sorting Hat, which was not damaged despite having been put on fire by Voldemort's magic.].

Control did not matter as much to Albus as it seems to matter to your story's Albus. Phrases where Albus seems to be becoming irritated due to loss of control just make it hard to believe in or follow this story, breaking the suspension of disbelief for a while, like stumbling over an unexpected item while walking across a room.

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One of the things I have a hardest time working with in fanfiction is stories that alter one area but then do not take that alteration into account in other areas.

If your Dumbledore is more controlling, then he should have had more monitoring wards at the Dursleys (especially as it seems he did not add any protective wards, as he might have done in canon). If he knew of the abuse, then I would expect him to react to it. This is his best hope of defeating Voldemort (at least in your story, as the prophesy was no where near as important in canon - again as Dumbledore tried to inform Harry more than once in book 6) in this story is Harry Potter. If Harry is raised in an abusive environment he may turn towards Darkness. Not only that, but if Albus steps in each time to defend Harry, Harry would be more likely to trust and follow Albus' suggestions and even orders. Such control should have been quite attractive to your Albus.

If this story's Dumbledore is not aware of the situation, then it either shows the strong trust in family that the Albus of canon had or that he is not as controlling at the time as he is currently being presented - which begs the question "Why?" as something must have significantly changed in the interim period (during the ten years between when he dropped off Harry and when Harry started to attend Hogwarts). The other possibility is that he wanted (or was willing to risk) Harry to turn dark for some reason, but that seems to unlikely to be considered, really, especially since this story's Albus is considering with worry the idea that Harry might have been possessed by the Horcrux.

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Also, why in the world would Albus spike Harry's food / drink with a love potion? It seems incredibly weird and out of character - even for your Albus, let alone canon Albus. This is especially true considering the altered prophesy. Fawkes stays with Albus because both are purely of the Light, yet the only reason Albus might have for using a love potion on Harry is to prevent the Light from winning - to aid the Dark. This cannot be possible because Fawkes is still present. Even the letter from the future states Albus is of the Light. So why would he work the Dark by attempting to destroy any hope of the Light winning the coming War?! It is a paradox and an oxymoron. Only if Albus is literally insane, incapable of rational thought, would he do such. Yet considering his sanity, albeit incredibly reduced intellect in your story, he should not have done this. He deliberately sought to prevent what prophesy stated was the only chance of defeating Voldemort. WHY ?!

I really have a problem with this aspect of your story. It is incredibly out of character even for Albus as you have presented him. On the other hand, having Dobby pretend to be free and work at Hogwarts was an ingenious idea. I don't believe I've encountered that bit of originality before.

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Some changes made to canon seem quite strange or at least unexpected. For example, why is Skirmgeor interim minister? In canon he was directly under Amelia Bones in the pecking order and - if not for a series of events - would never have been considered for the post.

After her death he took her position, and after the vote of no confidence against Fudge he moved up yet again. You are suggesting that he skipped over Bone's position directly into the MoM position - into which he was only voted in canon because of the war situation - a situation that does not yet exist and may not ever exist due to the changes made in the second chapter. So, in effect, a medium level functionary from the auror department is being made interim minister rather than one of the (many) department heads that might normally get the position. Actually, Albus' position as head of the judicial / legislative branch of government (the Wizengamont) might place him in the position of interim minister. At worst, it would fall to the secretary or undersecretary of the current minister of magic, although as at least one of those positions is also currently under trial (or will be shortly) it is unlikely that she (Umbridge) would be given the position.

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Another issue of concern is the charms upon Harry's wand. Why so many? In canon there is absolutely nothing like this. Wands cannot be monitored by any known means. Instead the best that can be done is to cover an area with wards that detect magic use. And such wards are incapable of tracking who cast what spell or even which wand cast which spell. (The latter requires 'Priori Incantatem', cast by a wand upon the specific wand in question.) Also why would Harry immediately presume the Headmaster would do such? Not only is it incredibly out of character for Albus, Harry has (or at least had) more enemies at the Ministry of Magic (Umbridge, etc - though not yet Fudge at the time the charms were probably placed).

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Incidentally, there is no proof that in canon Fudge was bribed - especially since Fudge was not minister at the time of the end of the prior war. In fact, Fudge did not become Minister until the year before Harry started to attend Hogwarts, 1990. Milicent Bagnold was minister before him, 1980 - 1990. This means, among other things, that it was she that was minister when the former trials occurred.

From canon we know that the mark on the arm faded notably (maybe entirely) after Voldemort fell. We also know that - like Stan Shunpike of the Knight Bus - there were many who were under the Imperious curse to aid Voldemort. After Voldemort's fall, some of the Death Eaters chose to hide themselves amongst these many curst wizards and witches. Unable to find a means of proving whether someone was under the Imperius (as the Imperius causes someone to willingly act in the manner determined by the caster by overwhelming their will, and as Veritaserum is not proof against a strong will), it seems a universal pardon was given to those that claimed the imperius curse was upon them. This happened to include several true death eaters - and was all the more prove-able as the mark of those in the inner circle had faded if not become invisible. The fact that many of these former Death Eaters were (before and after their pardon) quite generous in their donations to charities and institutes such as St Mungos (the better to gain influence later) just made them seem all the more innocent.

"Surely such upstanding and helpful citizens, even if sympathizers (like Sirius' mother), could not have been actual Death Eaters. Surely they must have been curst, as they claim. They are victims, not scoundrels." From the 6th and 7th book it seems that enough true victims of the Imperius existed to make this an easily place to hide.

As for Sirius - it was Bartemius Crouch Sr, not Fudge, that imprisoned him without a trial. He was head of the Aurors at the time and to deal with the war had authorized both more powers for aurors (such as use of the unforgivables) and less rights for the captured (such as imprisonment without trial). Sirius is likely not the only one imprisoned thus. And Barty Crouch Sr was quite admired for this by the public. Only when it turned out that his own son was a Death Eater did he fall from grace and have to accept a lower position as Head of the Dept of Magical Cooperation. Quite a fall, since this resulted in Bagnold, not Crouch, becoming the next minister of magic.

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After all the above the remaining points are mere nitpicks, really.

Umbridge was not a Death Eater. Like Sirius' mother, she was a sympathizer. Incidentally, despite what many fanfics state or presume, using a blood quill is not illegal. Arthur, according to canon, still has marks on his back from a literal whipping he received while at Hogwarts. Albus disallowed such punishments upon becoming Headmaster, but Umbridge - as High Inquisitor - was exempt from this.

Dementors cannot cause the soul to leave the body as a mote of light. This was a non-canon creation from the movies. Nor can they fly, although they are incredibly graceful - seeming to glide along the ground. Nor can they cause frost to form - the cold they cause is entirely emotional. The soul removal requires lip to lip contact, after which it is literally sucked out of the mouth. It is stated somewhere in canon (I forget where) that some consider the dementors to perhaps be related to Lethifolds, as lethifolds are also* turned back by a patronus. * (In canon, at least, only dementors and lethifolds are affected by a patronus.)

Murdering a person does not split off a piece of the soul. It weakens and frays the soul. The horcrux creating spell / ritual strengthens this weakening of the soul - allowing a murder to literally rip off a piece of the soul, which can then be bound to an object or creature by the remaining part of the spell / ritual.


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I've said enough - more than enough. Overall the story is good. Spelling is not a problem; grammar is not obvious in error anywhere, although wording is a bit odd in some instance; and some of the ideas used in this story are either original or nearly so. The letter, for instance, is a far longer version of what is used in intromit's "HP & Fate's Debt," and it is used with more individuals than in that story. Once I get past the stranger situations and characterizations I can mostly enjoy this story. It is only when an unexpected or odd characterization - even for the character as thus far described in this story - comes up that I stumble in my reading of it.

I have become used to fanfics portraying the Dursleys in a far worse light than canon, so that did not shake me much. It is not canon, but many fanfics seem to have a need to do this in order to explain later situations in their stories that otherwise might seem too extreme or odd. Having Albus being excessively manipulative / controlling is still a bit odd, but I have become almost accustomed to the idea after all the Albus-bashing stories that came out after book 5. It is not canon, but it is common enough that even some of the better stories make use of it, necessitating one to become accustomed to it if one intends to read more than a few of the more recent HP fanfics. Treating Albus as mentally average or even lacking is also becoming more common, but I attribute that to difficulty in writing such a far seeing character - especially since if he saw too far it might throw off some of the situations the writer intends to bring about.

It is the highly unexpected oddities - such as Albus using a love potion on Harry to cause him to desire Cho, or Scrimgoer becoming Minister while Amelia Bones is still alive, or Albus placing a dozen charms on Harry's wand - that make me most stumble in this story. Otherwise I have mostly enjoyed reading it and will continue to do so.


Author's Response: The Dursleys' abuse is, for the most part, AU. They were somewhat abusive in the books (calling Harry a freak, the broom cupboard, etc.).Dumbledore has his reasons. The love potion was to prevent Harry and Ginny from accidentally getting married at such a young way. Dumbledore did not know about the abuse, though Harry assumed he did. One cannot expect a professor to address hundreds of letters every year. Harry was embarassed and unwilling to tell anyone about the abuse so his magic hid it from Pomfreys scans as he is a powerful wizard. Dumbledore did not think family could treat one of their own that way. He overlooked the fact that it happens to Squibs all the time, because it is the reverse in this situation.The charms on the wand are there to inform Dumbledore how owerful Harry is for future reference, and to monitor what types of spells are used. This would help him prevent Harry going Dark, if he caught experiments of questionable magic soon enough (Sectumsempra). Some of the charms are there to allow the others to work. It takes a lot to charm a powerful object like a wand. Also it wasn't exactly twelve charms. Just like someone who says, 'I've gone swimming thousands of times,' might not be literal in that.Yes I changed who was Minister in the 80s to suit my purpose. Barty Crouch will not be exempt from trouble for his role in past events.Umbridge is AU in the DE business. I need her in Azkaban.I used the movie Dementors rather than the ones in the books. Bones turned down the chance to run for Interim Minister because she wanted to get her department ready so she could run for the permant position. I must have been mistaken about the soul splitting during murder, so consider that part of my story AU. I think that's all. Let me know if you have any other questions that you want answered. Thanks for reviewing.

The story get better and better, I do hope that Sirius comes to visit Harry soon and we have some serious Sirius/Harry bonding time.
Do update soon!