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Reviewer: eaglebird Signed Date: 2007.04.14 - 06:19PM Title: Chapter 4 - Dissolution
I actually enjoyed this chapter and the sequence of events which seemed to follow a nomal expected sequence. On top of my earlier comments in previous chapters though, the overall logic of this story is out of whack. Surely the Prophet would have picked p this story by now and made it public?
Reviewer: carolquin Signed Date: 2007.04.14 - 04:58PM Title: Chapter 4 - Dissolution
i tried to read your story, i really did. after the first chapter i thought maybe you'd take what reviewers had to say and use it to help your story. as i read on i can see that you haven't taken into consideration what they've said. like the reviewers before me, i agree that its a good plot but too many holes in the story. the characterization of harry/ginny and every one else is just not believable.
SIYE has a great list of beta readers. you really should take advantage of this because you have good ideas but your problem is pacing them and expanding on them. the betas would help you out tremendously.
Reviewer: Sweetie813 Signed Date: 2007.04.14 - 12:51PM Title: Chapter 4 - Dissolution
I am enjoying the plot of the story, but not how it is written.
The story simply moves too fast. In a previous chapter, you said that Arthur didn't know that Lily was Harry's child. With black hair and green eyes, anyone could tell. But, not only that, you did not follow through that when Ginny had mentioned to her parents that they told Lily that Harry was her real father, Arthurs eyes did not bulge, or any other way that would have made him surprised.
I think this story needs a little bit more work, but other than that, it is a good plot, and I look foward to see what you come up with in the future.
Reviewer: Kezzabear Signed Date: 2007.04.14 - 06:59AM Title: Chapter 4 - Dissolution
I agtree with teh previous reviewers who ahve said there are many cracks here - another one is that 19 year olds simply don't have naps anymore.
I can't put my finger on exact things I just find the entire thing rather unbelieveable, the characterisation is really waaaaaaaaaay off and the way things pan out is just far, far to quick and tidy. People with emotions simply don't act this way.
I won't be finishing this story as it jsut moves too quickly, has very little plot or substance and none of the cahracters resemble canon in any way shape or form.
