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Reviewer: yitaply Signed Date: 2007.04.25 - 10:37PM Title: Chapter 3
Its really creative pesonifying Magic like that.
Reviewer: yitaply Signed Date: 2007.04.25 - 09:45PM Title: Chapter 1
i really love your style of writing. And the imagery is amzing. I can't wait to see how the story unfolds!
Reviewer: FollunEnikantgitup Signed Date: 2007.04.25 - 09:44PM Title: Chapter 1
I started out very interested in this story during the first chapter. However, as the story progresses, you tend to overdo a lot of areas, so much so that I have trouble making it past chapter three. You don't really explain anything whatsoever, and while I'm sure you have sufficient reasons, readers can hardly ever read your mind. So much of the story seems spontaneous and confusing that it makes it difficult to follow what Harry does, or even what you refer to in a certain scene. Right now, you have a half completed skeleton of a story, you need to finish adding in the rest of the bones, then add the flesh. You can't just throw stuff at the reader and expect them to interpret it in the manner you desire, because that never happens. Explain it, describe in detail, else the story just continues to go on, while the reader is left behind wondering what just happened and why. You have a very unique style of writing, if you just let it mature a little more, and you have potential to have a good story, but it pains me to read anything past a few chapters. You also need to work on characterization, partly due to the fact that none of them are believable. While I understand ten years and a traumatizing war can greatly affect somebody, the essence of Harry will remain Harry. Deep down inside he will have the same values and beliefs that he did in the beginning. To say something like "he never really loved Ginny" doesn't make any sense at all, especially since you simply state this, then leave it like an open wound that just bleeds everywhere. What does this have to do with anything? You seem in a rush to divulge the audience with this wealth of information regarding to your story, but you don't develop any of it past the preliminary introductions. Harry, as a typical hero, will have faults. That is what makes a hero. However, you tend to follow the cliche "back to the future" fanfictions by creating an almighty character who has everything at his disposal. Nowhere in your story do you make this believable, and it really leaves the reader wanting more in the worst sense of the idea. If this sounds harsh, it does because it is, but I'm not trying to be unfair, merely trying to provide constructive criticism. You have a certain talent that few authors, especially in fan fiction, possess, but you currently fail to use it. Flesh out your story and develop your ideas, and this story could be very good.
Reviewer: Baby_Huey Signed Date: 2007.04.05 - 12:17PM Title: Chapter 3
it started off good but somewhere along the way your story has just become too much. A whole "empie" that he never knew about complete with ary? this is just absurd you reall need to reign yourself in a bit. this reads more like some fantasy that you think about as you drift off to sleep.
Author's Response: sorry if im writing FAN fiction and not the real Harry Potter series. But you are quite correct, and i am branching out a bit far.
Reviewer: Foryou2250 Signed Date: 2007.03.27 - 12:57AM Title: Chapter 4
i dont know why.....but i like this story
hahaha
seriously tho, keep it up
Reviewer: carolquin Signed Date: 2007.03.11 - 08:49AM Title: Chapter 3
really interesting story. i can see kahlan and ginny not getting along!
Reviewer: Milk Signed Date: 2007.03.07 - 10:29AM Title: Chapter 2
i hope more comes soon; with explanations!
Reviewer: Milk Signed Date: 2007.03.07 - 10:29AM Title: Chapter 2
i hope more comes soon; with explanations!
Reviewer: Kezzabear Signed Date: 2007.03.07 - 12:21AM Title: Chapter 2
I'm afraid I got lost. I like the basic premise but I just can't follow it. I a not sure what is driving harry to do what he is doing. I don't know why he 'never really loved Ginny', I just don't get it. I feel like there's bits missing and that Harry is far too OOC without explaining why.
I think I could really like it but i just got lost!
Reviewer: eaglebird Signed Date: 2007.03.05 - 12:48PM Title: Chapter 1
Great beginning. Unique premise. I'm looking forward to two things: who he intereacts with as other characters and what the extent of his new magical powers are at age 13.
Reviewer: Mojomig Signed Date: 2007.03.05 - 07:56AM Title: Chapter 1
That was very powerfully written, and an interesting way of sending Harry back to do things over again. Looking forward to more...
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Signed Date: 2007.03.04 - 04:05PM Title: Chapter 1
Wow, I was crying near the end of this chapter. I think you have great talent as a writer, and I look forward to reading this story. I can't wait to see what Harry changes, and how his relationship with Ginny evolves.
Reviewer: lecook4 Signed Date: 2007.03.04 - 02:38PM Title: Chapter 1
I agree with all the reviews so far. You have totally mesmerized me here. I can't wait to see where you go with it. It is well written and original. kutgw
Reviewer: Imperio Signed Date: 2007.03.04 - 02:36PM Title: Chapter 1
Very good. I must admit you have me on the edge of my chair. Your description of the battle was far beyond the ordinary and I look forward to reading more from you.
