Part of this story is inspired by Antoshavu's Fortnight, if you haven't read it, you must. It's one of the best pieces of post DH h/g fanfics I have come across. Most of it is personal though, I feel I write better about things I have experienced myself.
The line "Am I going to loose you" is inspired from the movie 'The Firm'.
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The Perfect Marriage | ||||
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Category: Post-DH/AB Characters:None Genres: Angst, Romance Warnings: Sexual Situations Rating: R Reviews: 12 Summary: Is there any such thing called perfection in marriage? Harry and Ginny reflect on their relationship and marriage and what makes them work despite all their imperfections in a series of flangsty one shots. Hitcount: Story Total: 3558 Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work. Author's Notes: |
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Her friends would tell her she was bloody lucky to have a husband as devoted as Harry. She had heard 'sighs' and 'awws' whenever they were mentioned, more often than she could count and care to remember. It wasn't that she minded people thinking that they were perfect; she hadn't cared about what the world thought about her, Harry or the two of them together for that matter. But, every time someone called them 'perfect', she couldn't help but think how far from perfect they were and how much effort it had taken them to get where they were. They weren't perfect, ideal or whatever else people called them, but they worked. 51 years, 3 children and 7 grandchildren later…they still did! It hadn't been easy; they had both had their share of fame (Harry more so than her), fans, adulation and the pressure that came with it. They had had their rough patches, arguments, those low points when she had thought of just walking out on him and taking the children with her. One time she had almost done it. But when she looked back, they all seemed like little bumps on the road that only made them stronger. Stephanie had asked her last week if she had ever felt insecure in her marriage. She understood where her friend was coming from. Most women found fame an attractive quality in a man and a lot of them didn't think being married made a man 'out of bounds' in her experience, to most it only made the man more attractive. She knew advice like talk to him; go by your instinct wouldn't work, so she told Stephanie her own little story. A decade ago she'd have felt uncomfortable sharing things about her marriage with anyone but Hermione and Luna, but ever since Stephanie and William had moved into the neighborhood, she had developed an easy friendship with the younger woman. James and Al had moved out, Lily was in her final year at Hogwarts and Harry had just been promoted to deputy minister, which meant he had become busier than usual. She remembered it as one of those phases, where she wasn't unhappy, but not happy either. There was a routine, there were Quidditch write-ups and there were those late dinners that they shared, but it was all ordinary, with boredom making its presence felt persistently. She had talked to Hermione who had empathized with her, saying sometimes you just had to take initiative and tell your man you were making some changes! Luna had given her some tantric sex tips that she had picked up during her vacation to India. She decided to take a bit from both of them and surprise Harry at work. Maybe after that they could go out for a quiet dinner and talk…something they hadn't been able to do in peace for months. Her plans didn't go exactly as she had expected. Instead of the porn fantasy scenario she envisioned where she'd close the door with her heel and drop her robes to reveal her lacy black dress, she found herself sitting in Harry's cabin waiting for him to return from a meeting. So much for surprises! She remembered how every passing minute only made her feel more foolish, till the time she finally decided to give up and go home for a good cry and a hot bath. She had barely stepped out of his office, when she saw him. She hadn't seen the woman he was talking to before, but there was something about the way Harry was grinning at her that made her heart drop a bit. Then he turned to her and his face lit up with the warm special smile that was only reserved for her. It made her feel better for a second, till the feelings she had been fighting while waiting for him returned with vengeance. She let him kiss her on the cheek, before slipping an arm around her waist and guiding her into his cabin. The twinkle in his eyes, the way he ran his hand up and down her back made her feel better, but not good enough to carry out the plans she had spent half of her work-day making. Harry seemed to have sensed something was off with her, or as she knew now, he had started feeling as if she was 'slipping through his fingers', and her distracted reaction to seeing him and had only reinforced the fear. She wondered now, why they even let months pass without talking, when they could perceive each other's moods without having to say anything out loud. But, hindsight as they say only comes with experience. He took her out for dinner and her mood improved steadily as the evening progressed. They talked like they used to before his promotion happened. The monotony that had started shadowing her life started fading little by little as he admitted to having lost the balance yet again between his work life and her. She caressed his hand with her thumb in a manner that soothed him as he promised to make an effort to make more time for them, and kissed him softly when he whispered how much he had been missing spending time with her. They made love that night and though it wasn't the passionate sex she had imagined, it was sweet, loving and immensely satisfying. She had woken up the next day feeling better than she had in months. The talk and dinner had helped more than she had hoped for and as she mussed his hair while he slept with his mouth slightly ajar, she knew they'd work it out like they always had. She flooed him that afternoon to check if he could take a day off on the weekend and set out to plan a getaway to Scotland when he agreed. Fate, however, had different plans, a Quidditch-fixing scandal broke a few hours later, effectively ruining her chances of taking off for a romantic holiday. She ended up leaving for Spain the same evening and all they had as goodbye was a quick firecall. The first two days of the assignment gave her no time to breathe. They barely got time to say anything other than the usual 'I love you' at the end of the day. On the third day things lightened up and she only had a press conference to attend. She'd have portkeyed home the same evening had her editor not asked for a follow-up piece. She got invited out to a pub by some veteran Spanish league Quidditch mates that she was still in touch with. It seemed like a much better option than going back to her hotel room and watching some dramatic wizard soap. It turned out to be a fun evening of catching up and bantering. What surprised and rather flattered her though was the amount of male attention she still received. She wasn't vain, but she knew she looked reasonably attractive for her age. She was used to the once overs she still got from much younger men at her muggle gym, but blatant flirting hadn't happened to her in quite sometime. If she were honest with herself, it did feel nice and yet it made her heart ache even more for Harry. The compliments only made her miss the way Harry would look at her with that loving awed look, the inviting smiles made her miss her husband's boyish ones that lit up his face and made him look much younger than his years. By the time the evening wore off, she knew she couldn't wait to be back home. It felt strangely exhilarating to miss Harry with this intensity and to feel the excitement of going home bubbling within her like it used to. She hadn't expected to see Harry at home when she reached early next evening. He usually got back home only by dinnertime. She remembered how she threw her bags and flung herself at him. Strange, how some memories stay so vivid... His first reaction had been surprise quickly followed by relief as he pulled her closer and almost clung to her. His scent soothed the ache she had been feeling and she stood on her toes to capture his lips in a soft warm kiss, he beat her to it with a hard and almost furious one. Even before she could register the impact he pulled back and she knew almost instantly that something was wrong. She cupped his face and tilted it up so that she could look into his eyes. He looked away and her heart dropped to her knees. "Harry…" she breathed, trying to get a grip on the sinking feeling that had started overwhelming her. "I…I am sorry…" he replied almost brokenly, but held on to her, his fingers digging into her waist almost painfully. Her voice stuck in her throat and she felt almost paralyzed with fear. "What did you do?" She heard herself say. "I didn't…I didn't do anything…it's just I have to tell you this…I am sorry Ginny…just please hear me out before you do anything…" He sounded so guilty that his words seemed almost like hollow assurances to prepare her for the worst. She tried to pull away, but he pulled her back. "Please just sit with me…don't pull away Gin…please…" To her it was one of those moments when you feel oddly detached and numb and the things happening to you seem to be happening to someone else. They sat down on the couch and she remembered how he seemed to be desperate for some physical touch from her. "You know Rebecca right, the new undersecretary? I have mentioned her a few times…" "The woman you were talking to when I dropped by the other day?" She wasn't sure why she even asked that question, she already knew the answer. "Yeah…her…" he swallowed nervously before continuing, "we've been spending time together at work and we sort of got along, she is like a mix of George and Hermione…intelligent and crazy sense of humor…" She wanted to slap him then, for going on about this Rebecca, she didn't want to hear it. She felt a stray tear trickle down and pulled her hand away from him roughly. She didn't want to cry, not yet. "Gin please…" he pleaded again, trying to touch her face but she pushed his hand away. She didn't look up at him; she didn't think she was strong enough to handle the hurt reflected on his face right now. "I…you were not here these last three days and I didn't want to come back to an empty house. I missed you so much, haven't missed you like this in a long time". He stopped again and took a deep breath in, as if drawing strength to continue. "I was just about wrapping up last night when Rebecca popped in to ask if I had had dinner. I had asked Kreacher to drop in my dinner at work, so I invited her to join me…we talked for a while and then she asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I swear Gin, I only went, because going out seemed like a good distraction from missing you. So, we went to this muggle pub near her place, had a pint and then I offered to walk her back home…" "Harry, I don't have the patience for this….you shagged her did you?" She screamed losing the battle with her temper. She had tried to rein it in, to hear him out, but the guilt in his eyes and the desperation in his voice made her believe the worst. "I didn't…how could you…I would never…you know that!" He sounded as flabbergasted as he looked and that eased her fear a bit. She watched as the tears he had been holding back trickled down his face, he wiped them with the back of his hand and looked straight into her eyes, before continuing, "I…we had a moment there Ginny…we had had a good time and just before I dropped her, she cracked some joke, I don't even remember now. She said something about my eyes or smile or something and I don't know how or why but the next moment she was moving in to kiss me and I was almost there too…but I couldn't…I closed my eyes and saw your face and I knew I couldn't…not to you…not to us…" She didn't know what to feel, there was relief and yet there was anger at him, at herself and stupid bloody Rebecca. The words left her mouth sooner than she had processed them. "But, you wanted to, right?" "Yeah…" he admitted, "only for a moment… but I didn't...kiss her I mean. I am sorry Gin…I am sorry, I shouldn't have let it get to this point. I didn't think of it earlier, I was attracted to her Gin. I never gave it much thought, but it was just that Ginny, nothing else. I wouldn't let it become anything else…I swear on the kids….on you…I love you…" He said the last part almost desperately; she knew he was trying to say a lot more; words after all were never his strong point. But, she felt too overwhelmed to process everything. She wanted to scream at him, punch him and maybe even slap him, but her body and mind had gone almost numb. "I…I need some time Harry…just please leave me alone for a bit…" her voice sounded hollow to her ears as well. He shook his head resignedly, but didn't get up. "I love you….remember that please…" he whispered and moved to take her hand in his, but she pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself protectively. She needed some space from him…from them. He got up quietly, she heard the door close behind him and the sound almost jolted her out of her self-created limbo. She felt hot tears flow down freely now…a few hours ago she had been looking forward to seeing him and now this. She had known the moment she had seen Harry with Rebecca, even before she knew her name, that there was a spark. The woman was young, beautiful and perhaps more attractive to him than she was after three children. They worked closely and he probably had a lot in common with her. She tried to stop herself, but she couldn't help imagining her laughing with Harry, making him smile, sharing cozy dinners with him, kissing him, making love to him… Nothing had happened she knew it, but the what ifs scared her. She felt a terrible ache building up in her stomach. As she clutched it and closed her eyes, she saw Harry's face looking at her with those sad desperate eyes; her mind replayed his whispered "I love you" over and over again. He had thought of her even in that moment of weakness, he hadn't done anything and he still loved her. As sanity slowly started making its way back, she began to gain grip over her emotions. The inner voice of conscience that to her often sounded like her mum or Hermione scolded her for being a hypocrite. Hadn't she enjoyed the male attention just last evening, hadn't she felt drawn towards that Muggle actor all those years ago before she married Harry? Why was it so hard to take, when it was Harry who felt attracted to another woman? It was just attraction after all and she knew how it felt; a bit like the buzz of firewhisky, pleasant but not something that could last. He was still hers because he wanted to be, just like she let him have her heart because that's where it belonged, that was what made them strong…that was what made them Harry and Ginny. She wiped her tears and felt the pain ease off slowly. They still had issues to work out, she would probably take a while to get over his admission today, but she knew together they could work, they had to, because love like theirs was sacred…it was something that perhaps happened only once in a lifetime. She knew she had asked him to leave, but thanks to the years with him and the countless rows they had had, she knew he'd probably be waiting for her on the porch. She opened the door and there he was, sitting on the stairs, eyes closed, head resting on the banister. He opened his eyes and tilted his head towards her. His glasses were smudged and his eyes were bloodshot, to her, he looked as vulnerable as the boy she had fallen for all those years ago at Kings Cross. He followed her with his eyes as she walked up to the stairs and sat next to him. He didn't make a move to take her hand, but kept looking at her expectantly. She didn't know where to begin… I love you…I understand…let's talk….or just hug him. He spoke before she had a chance to and almost broke her heart into two. "I am not going to loose you…am I?" He asked his voice reflecting the fear in his eyes. She didn't know what to say to that. Sometimes, it seemed as if the years hadn't passed and he was still the insecure 16 year old who had asked her if she liked him after she had kissed him in front of a room full Gryffindors! So, she hugged him and he wasted no time in pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her possessively. He moved in to kiss her and she didn't pull back, she knew he needed the physical assurance that she was still there, still his. There was a lot that they needed to talk about, perhaps a lot of issues that they needed to work out, but for that moment what both of them needed the most was reassurance that they still loved each other. They didn't talk more that night; sometimes they didn't need words to express themselves. Their lovemaking was passionate and almost rough, Harry loved marking her, but she didn't remember the last time he had given her enough hickeys to warrant a mild healing spell. Neither of them slept much that night, either Harry would wake up to her entwining her fingers in his hair or she'd be awoken of her light slumber to feel Harry caressing her body lovingly. The next day Harry cancelled his meetings and they decided to take the weekend off. They flew to Scotland, but when she thought about it later, they might as well have booked a nice hotel in London, since they barely ventured out of their room. All she remembered about those two days was falling in love with Harry all over again as they talked, shared their fears and insecurities and made love like a pair of hormonal teenagers. By the time they returned her insecurity had all but gone, she wasn't too sure about Harry's guilt though. The prat had the exasperating habit of holding on to it and nursing it, till he she didn't jolt him out of it. So, she told him to talk to Rebecca about whatever happened and didn't happen. As much as she trusted Harry, she still felt a slight speck of discomfort when she imagined them talking, but she let it go. Harry loved her and that was all that mattered. She was surprised to see him waiting at her office's reception that evening. He usually never dropped in at her workplace; it caused a lot of nuisance. What surprised her even more was that instead of flooing home when she told him that she would need another half hour to wrap-up, he decided to wait. The reason she found out was that her husband finally felt relatively guilt free! He gave her all the details about the conversation with Rebecca over a glass of wine, but she only remembered the most important part after all these years… "I told her that it's best we limited ourselves to professional interaction and that while we may have felt some chemistry, what I have with my wife is too sacred to be touched. Ginny, when she left I felt nothing…you were right, it's like the buzz of firewhisky…it doesn't last. Honestly, I knew it wouldn't, I just needed to feel it." Stephanie sighed and awed in the predictable manner she was used to, as she recounted the last part of her story. She hoped it helped Stephanie realize that marriages couldn't be perfect and that she'd have to deal with her insecurities but as long as she and William were willing to work on their love, they could make it last a lifetime and perhaps more. |
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