Search:

SIYE Time:0:30 on 29th March 2024
SIYE Login: no


Honey, I Shrank My...
By cwarbeck

- Text Size +

Category: Post-DH/PM
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Hermione Granger
Genres: Comedy, General
Warnings: Mild Language
Story is Complete
Rating: R
Reviews: 30
Summary: An accident in the kitchen leads to interesting results for Harry and Ginny.
Hitcount: Story Total: 16460
Awards: View Trophy Room


Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.



Author's Notes:
Written for the May challenge over at catchmysnitch. The prompt was Abyssinian shrivelfig.

A bit naughtier than my usual stories, but nothing explicit at all. However, if you are offended in any way, shape or form by sexual innuendos, however mild they may be, this story may not be to your liking, so please don't send me angry PMs and emails saying that I didn't warn you in advance. Rated R just to be safe.

Thanks to Chreechree, the queen of all betas.




ChapterPrinter


Honey, I Shrank My…



“Hermione!” Ginny peered into the Granger-Weasley living room. The green haze of the Floo connection was a little disorientating as usual, but she could still clearly see that it was currently empty of any bushy-haired witches. “Hermione!” she called out again.

“Ginny, is that you?” A pair of feet clad in bright red socks patterned with little white hearts appeared in her line of vision, followed promptly by the pleasant and slightly puzzled face of her sister-in-law. “Is something the matter? Is it James?”

“James is fine. Sleeping like a — well — baby,” she replied with a little chuckle. “No, it’s just that I have a rather unusual question, and I know you’re the only one who can answer it.”

“This isn’t another one of those things you’ve read about in Cosmowitch, is it?” asked Hermione, settling herself into a more comfortable position on the floor. “I told you, Ginny, those survey results are dodgy. No one can last fourteen hours without succumbing to pure exhaustion, not to mention the dehydration—”

Ginny waved her hand impatiently. “Yes, yes, Harry and I’ve come to the same conclusion as well, Hermione. This has nothing to do with Cosmowitch.”

“What is it, then?”

Ginny took a deep breath before replying. “Say, hypothetically, someone should somehow, quite by accident, you know, eat a whole Abyssinian shrivelfig—”

“Why on earth would someone eat a whole Abyssinian shrivelfig?” interrupted Hermione, looking perplexed. “Those only come in dried form, much like currants or sultanas. What's more—”

“But, say someone thought they were just really large currants,” Ginny pressed on, “and that same someone unwittingly chopped them up and used them to make spotted dick and—”

“Oh my goodness,” gasped Hermione, sounding amused and horrified at the same time. “You didn’t!” At Ginny’s glum nod, she cried out, “You did! Who was the poor unfortunate soul who ate it?”

“What would happen if they did eat it?” said Ginny, evading the question with a question of her own.

“Well,” said Hermione, appearing thoughtful, “Abyssinian shrivelfigs are the primary agent in Shrinking Solutions but are only used in small amounts, so I imagine that eating a whole fruit would cause one to — er — shrink unpredictably.”

“Any idea as to what, if any, body parts would specifically shrink?”

“Hang on, I'll go check.” Hermione stood up, and disappeared from view. It took only a few minutes before she was back, staggering a little from the weight of an extremely large tome. “Neville lent this to me for a bit of light reading,” she explained, opening the book and running her finger down the index.

Ginny shook her head in bemusement. Hermione’s idea of light reading was probably everybody else’s cure for insomnia.

“Let’s see now… Abhorsen’s blackfern… Absalom starfruit… Absinthium… Abutra… oh, here it is, Abyssinian shrivelfig,” said Hermione at length, turning to the appropriate page. “Okay, it says here in Fabulous and Fanciful Flora from Far Flung Fields and Forests,” Hermione paused for a breath, “that the shrivelfig has medicinal properties that are not fully understood, and that Abyssinian wizards hypothesized that it could even cure inflammation of the brain. Hmm. I didn't know that. I wonder if—”

“Hermione!”

“Oh! Sorry. Right.” The other witch hurriedly scanned the page further. “Well, apparently there’ve been several documented cases of men ingesting the whole fruit. The most obvious effect was a — oh dear — temporary shrinkage of the — um…” Hermione trailed off, the flushing of her cheeks evident even through the green tint of the Floo flames.

“Penis?” Ginny blurted out. “Is it the penis?”

“Ginny!” Hermione looked around, scandalized. “Keep your voice down!”

“Please, Hermione,” said Ginny, rolling her eyes. “You can say ‘penis’, can’t you? How long have you been married to my brother? Don’t tell me you haven’t even seen his—”

“Ginny!”

“—because I would be so very disappointed in you,” Ginny teased her. “’Sides, I wouldn’t believe you even if you told me you haven’t seen it.”

“Well, of course I’ve seen it.” Hermione snorted. “How else can you explain the fact I’m in the pudding club?”

“Really?” Ginny squealed loudly in excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just did,” replied Hermione, smiling widely. “I just found out today.”

“Congratulations!” said Ginny. “At least now we know that my brother’s equipment is in working order.”

“It’s working perfectly fine, thank you very much,” was Hermione’s prim retort, before she giggled along with Ginny. “Anyway, back to your shrivelfig problem.”

Ginny stopped laughing and sighed instead. “Oh yeah, that. Does it matter how many you eat, then?”

Hermione consulted the book again. “No. One subject ate a whole pound of them on a dare,” she said, clucking her tongue in disapproval, “and the effects were the same.”

“Is it a permanent thing?” asked Ginny, wincing. “Please tell me it isn’t.”

“All the wizards in question were back to their normal — erm — size after several hours,” said Hermione. “Half a day at the most.”

“Oh, thank Merlin,” said Ginny, letting out a huge sigh of relief. “I can live with that. Thanks, Hermione. I owe you one.”

“Wait a minute, Ginny. Who ate the shrivelfigs? Was it Harry? Is he all right?”

“Er, I’d rather not say who…”

“Ginny...”

“Oh, fine,” huffed Ginny in embarrassment. “Of course it’s Harry. He ate about a third of the spotted dick before he noticed something was amiss.” Hermione chuckled at her choice of words. “He’s fine except that he’s as grumpy as a centaur who’s just learned that Dolores Umbridge was going to be his next door neighbour in the Forbidden Forest.”

“Well, wouldn't you be?” asked Hermione, raising an eyebrow.

“Actually, yes, I would,” said Ginny, laughing and nodding her head. “Don’t tell Ron or George, yeah? They’ll never let me live it down, plus they’ll be forever taking the piss out of poor Harry.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell a soul,” promised Hermione. She looked at Ginny curiously. “Did you eat any?”

“No, spotted dick has currants, right? I can’t stand currants. Had a bad experience with one, you see,” said Ginny with a grimace. “Why? What would happen if I had eaten the shrivelfig?”

Hermione shrugged. “I really don’t know. There aren’t any documented reports about the effects on women. It would be fascinating to find out, don’t you think?”

“I’m not volunteering,” declared Ginny. “My girls,” she glanced down at her chest then looked up again, smirking, “aren’t terribly big to begin with, you know. What if they became lopsided? Harry would take one look and never want to touch them again.”

“I somehow doubt that,” said Hermione drily. “I seem to recall you telling me — against my will, mind you — that Harry was fascinated with your breasts.”

“Yeah, well,” replied Ginny, “I’m still not taking any chances. Get Luna to volunteer for your little experiment. She’ll be happy to.”

“I’m sure she would,” concurred Hermione with another wry smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow at The Burrow for dinner, then?”

Ginny nodded. “Will you tell the family about the baby?”

“Yes,” affirmed Hermione. “I need to tell Ron first, though. I don’t want him passing out in front of everybody.”

Ginny laughed and nodded again. “You’re ruining my fun, but I understand why you’d want that to be a private moment. All right, I should probably go and ease Harry’s mind that things will be back to normal soon.”

“Actually, Ginny, it seems there’s an interesting side effect to this entire shrivelfig business.”

“Side effect?”

“The book says that there’s some degree of rebound overcompensation in size... if you know what I mean,” said Hermione archly. “And it lasts several days, too,” she added with a rather sly smile.

“Really, now?” said Ginny thoughtfully. “Several days, you say?”

“At least three, according to this.”

“That’s quite... long, isn't it?” She and Hermione looked at each other for a few seconds before they both burst out laughing. After regaining her breath, she smiled warmly at her sister-in-law. “Thanks again, Hermione.”

“No problem. Oh, and Ginny?”

“Yeah?”

“You still have some of that spotted dick?”

Ginny chuckled. “I'll send you some right away. Make my excuses if we don’t show up tomorrow as planned, okay? Maybe the next several days, too!”

The last thing Ginny saw before the Floo connection winked out was Hermione laughing uncontrollably again. Behind her, Ginny heard the distinctive footfalls of her husband as he entered their living room.

“So, what did Hermione say?” he demanded, his voice sounding panicky. “Wait, you didn't tell her what happened, did you?”

She got to her feet, brushed the soot off her knees and turned to face him. “Well, how am I supposed to ask her what to do if I don't tell her what happened?” she said in a reasonable tone.

Harry groaned. “Fantastic,” he muttered, looking utterly mortified. “Just tell everyone, why don't you?”

“Stop being so melodramatic,” she chided him as he approached her. He looked a bit wild-eyed, and his hair was sticking out in the back from where he had probably mussed it up in his agitation. Ginny smiled in appreciation. He really was adorable when he was all flustered. “It was only Hermione, and she promised not to tell anyone. She also said there’s nothing to worry about, Harry.”

“Nothing? Nothing?” he whined, gesturing helplessly at his lower regions. “Ginny, my willy’s nearly nonexistent!”

“Nearly nonexistent? How can it be nearly nonexistent?” Ginny was alarmed. Hermione hadn’t mentioned anything about the possibility of it completely disappearing, even temporarily, had she? “Has it shrunk even more since I last saw it?”

“No, but it might as well have,” he said sulkily.

“Oh thank goodness. For a while there…” Ginny put a hand to her chest and shook her head. “Anyway, it’ll only last a few hours, love, and everything’ll be back to as it should be,” she said, patting his cheek consolingly. “Don’t worry your little head about it.”

“Ginny!”

“Sorry, love,” she laughed, “couldn’t resist.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and gazed up at his handsome but disgruntled face.

“This is your fault, you know,” he grumbled, even as he pulled her into an embrace.

Ginny rolled her eyes and smacked him on the shoulder. “Well, you should know better than to leave confiscated illegal Potions ingredients like that lying around.”

“How was I supposed to know you’d use them for cooking?”

“How was I supposed to know you’d mixed up your evidence with my groceries?” she replied evenly, raising her eyebrows.

Harry opened his mouth and then closed it again. “You’re right, of course,” he admitted finally. “It’s as much my fault as it is yours. It’s just that, Ginny, I almost had a heart attack when I went to the loo and saw that—”

They both glanced down involuntarily, Harry groaning again and grimacing horribly.

Ginny stifled a chuckle at his woebegone countenance. “Look, it’s only temporary. Don’t worry about it.” She put on her best winsome gaze. “Forgive me?”

“Aw, Ginny, not that face,” he protested.

“What face?” she asked innocently, injecting even more winsomeness into her expression.

“Gah! That one!” said Harry, his tone half-exasperated, half-amused. “You know I can’t resist that face.”

“I know,” she said pertly. “That's why I’m doing it.”

“Cheeky little minx,” he growled. He leaned down and kissed her thoroughly.

After a while, Ginny pulled away and beamed up at her husband. “Let me make it up to you, Harry. Will you be working this weekend?”

“No, why?”

“Let's just say I have some big plans for us.” Or rather, you have big plans for us, she silently amended, smiling to herself. She really had nothing to complain about Harry’s — er — equipment; in fact, she was more than happy with it, but who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth?

In this case, though, I'd rather look in his trousers, she thought wickedly.

“I thought we had dinner at The Burrow tomorrow,” Harry reminded her.

“I’ll Floo Mum and tell her we can’t make it,” she said decisively. “And I’ll ask her if she can take care of James for a bit.”

“Huh.” Harry looked at her doubtfully, probably wondering why she was grinning so broadly. Then his face relaxed, and he grinned back at her. “I think I’m beginning to like these so-called ‘big plans’ of yours,” he said, waggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you’ll love them, Harry,” she replied, reaching up and giving him a lingering kiss. She then gave him a mischievous smile. “I know I will.”


*

Reviews 30
ChapterPrinter




../back
‘! Go To Top ‘!

Sink Into Your Eyes is hosted by Grey Media Internet Services. HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related characters are trademarks of Warner Bros. TM & © 2001-2006. Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions on this site are those made by the owners. All stories(fanfiction) are owned by the author and are subject to copyright law under transformative use. Authors on this site take no compensation for their works. This site © 2003-2006 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Special thanks to: Aredhel, Kaz, Michelle, and Jeco for all the hard work on SIYE 1.0 and to Marta for the wonderful artwork.
Featured Artwork © 2003-2006 by Yethro.
Design and code © 2006 by SteveD3(AdminQ)
Additional coding © 2008 by melkior and Bear