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The Reasons I'm Not Afraid To Die
By GinervaMWeasley

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Category: Alternate Universe, Post-HBP
Characters:Harry/Ginny, Harry/Ginny
Genres: Angst
Warnings: Dark Fiction
Story is Complete
Rating: PG-13
Reviews: 2
Summary: A wise man once said that to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.ONE-SHOT
Hitcount: Story Total: 3031



Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work. Any quotes that I take from JKR will be in bold lettering.



Author's Notes:
AN- So this is just a one-shot that I came up with one day and just HAD to start writing. It's just a series of our favorite characters near death experiences, or worries and losses. Just so you know, the Ron and Hermione parts are completely AU, but the rest is canon to a point. (Well at least I hope it is)

So without further ado, I give you...




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The Reasons I'm Not Afraid To Die

Disaster finds its way into our hearts, feeding and multiplying. It destroys everything in its wake, as the blood trail marks its path. It burns our throats and slashes our innards; it leaks insanity into our innocent minds and waits for us to break.

It is our demise.

So why do none of us think to run? Run until we our completely out of sight? Why do we attempt to be the hero? The brave one who saves us all? When the logical solution would be to run for the hills and never look back?

Why don’t we save ourselves?

***

She felt the warmth as it trickled down her cheek and pooled at her feet. Her vision red and blurred as she hung to her last strands of consciousness. The cold concrete numbed the pain, but she remained strickingly aware of each gash and break in her structure as if they were screaming at her.

She attempted to shift slightly, only to cry out in pain as some part of her body sang in pain. She struggled to find an ounce of comfort in her own personal hell as she slowly began to lose her grip on her strength.

I love you, rang in her ears in an all too familiar voice.

To most, this would give strength, but to her only caused more hurting. She knew this was her end, her last moments. She would never again look into his eyes and see his undying love, his undying love for her. She would never feel his fingers graze her cheek and smooth out-

‘Awake at last, I see,’ the cool voice echoed through the dark dungeon. ‘Nice for you to finally join us, Mudblood.’

The bushy haired girl spat at his feet meeting his deadly red eyes head on and unflinchingly.

‘Brave little one, aren’t you?’ he whispered in her ear as he pressed his wand against her throat. ‘Bravery will do you no good here, Mudblood,’ he stated as he once again stood still holding his wand aloft. ‘However, I do see the value in such strength and have an open position for you amongst my faithful servants.’

Fire met ice as her amber eyes connected with his, directing all the disgust and hate the universe could muster into those disturbing red cat-like orbs.

‘I would never join your group of disgusting slimy snakes if it meant my life,’ she stated fiercely through clamped teeth. His laugh filled her ears and bounced off the concrete walls.

‘Unfortunately for you, that is exactly what it means,’ his wand steadied on her as his sneer became etched into her mind.

I am not afraid to die, she recited in her head as pain once again erupted throughout her body and she was overcome to the dark.

***

He could feel the metal cutting into his wrists as the blood rushed to his toes. His every cell throbbed and buzzed in silent hurt as he pulled his head up to meet the eyes of his enemy.

‘She was more than you’ll ever know,’ he sneered into the other man’s face.

‘Really?’ the man with long blond hair that slicked back with what was surely pounds of magical grease. ‘A Mudblood? Was she a good shag then?’

‘Is that all Cissy,’ he spat out the nickname for the mother of his enemy. ‘Means to you? That she’s a good shag?’

‘Though I must admit boy you are brave, you are incredibly naïve,’ Lucius stated as he circled the boy hanging by his hands. ‘There is no truth to love. It is but an illusion created by those who are unfortunate enough to live in a world of fantasies. This is an ideal created by people like your Headmaster. But where is he now? Oh right, he’s dead.’

The silence was deadly to his ears as he strained to keep from breaking. The reality slowly overcame him and he desperately attempted to think of better times.

Don’t be silly, Ron. I love you too, her silky voice entered his mind as he remembered her laugh so similar to wind chimes. Her soft skin beneath his hands sent his head into a fuzz as he remembered the ivory velvet he had felt. Her enrapturing amber eyes formed clearly in front of him as they bubbled in desire.

‘I think we both know you’ll be joining him soon, Mr Weasley,’ the man sneered at him. ‘So let’s only play a little longer, shall we?’

She’s my life, he recited in his head. And I’m sure as hell not afraid to die.

‘Enjoy, Mr Weasley.’

***

She awoke to the moaning and panting of the other occupant in the cold dungeon; Mr Ollivander. She felt around the floor, hoping to find some indication of where she was. Finally she found the telltale feel of rusted metal. She gripped the nail in her hands and crawled towards the grumbles of Mr Ollivander.

‘I’m almost through,’ Luna whispered to the old man whose fingers were shaking dangerously under her grip as she attempted to break through the bindings. ‘It’ll be okay, Mr Ollivander.’

He simply grunted in response and attempted to reposition himself on the hard floor.

‘Don’t worry, sir,’ she whispered. ‘We’ll get out of here. My friends will save us, just you watch.’ Her eyes glazed over slightly, as she remembered the people she’d come to know so well.

Ginny, Neville, Ron, Hermione and Harry had all let her feel like she belonged. Like she mattered. With them she finally felt comfortable at Hogwarts, but that feeling was stripped from her when Voldemort took over.

She was pulled from her thoughts, however, when she heard the loud thumping noise of footsteps. Muffled voices filtered into the dungeon and she managed to pick up bits and pieces of their conversation.

‘The lord thinks he’ll be arriving at Hogwarts in no time,’ a male’s voice reached her ears.

‘He couldn’t be that dense,’ another voice, also male, responded.

‘The Dark Lord knows his weakness,’ the first voice stated, pausing for dramatic effect. ‘Love.

Just then the two men entered the chamber and Luna, silently, hid the nail in the almost invisible groove in the wall.

‘What do we have here?’ the thin looking man with an almost crazed look about him asked.

‘Looks like a blood traitor and a crazy old man, to me, Avery,’ the other man who stood much taller, at least six feet, and looked as if he spent all his days working out.

‘Mmmm,’ Avery slurred in a way that sent shivers down Luna’s spine. ‘Yes, that’s exactly what I see, Dolohov.’

‘You know,’ Luna spoke up in her signature dreamy voice. ‘If you stand there too long, the Nargles might start reproducing in your hair.’

The two men seethed in anger, yet had almost bewildered expressions on their faces.

‘Don’t talk to us, blood traitor,’ Dolohov spat as he approached slowly, his wand pointed down at her. ‘We don’t want any of your madness rubbing off on us.’

‘Oh, don’t worry,’ she added with a reassuring smile. ‘Madness isn’t contagious. Though I believe Aquavirius Maggot Disease is.’

‘What is…?’ Dolohov began as he was momentarily thrown off guard. ‘Never mind. I’m done playing around. Crucio!’

Luna felt as the pain flowed through her, yet she did not scream. No longer did the pain bother her. No longer would she live in fear.

‘I’m not afraid to die,’ she whispered thinking of anything other than the dungeon she lay in. Anything other than the war she lived in.

***

He watched in horror as his body laid limp in the half-giant's arms. He watched numbly as he was placed before Voldemort’s feet, watched as his hero died before him.

Yet he didn’t believe it. Harry could not be dead, could not be gone. He was always his inspiration, his leader, and now he wasn’t sure if he could go on.

But Neville Longbottom knew what he had to do. He had to fulfill the mission he was given by the boy who now lay dead before him. He had to kill that snake.

He snapped back to attention as he heard Ron’s voice beside him.

‘He beat you!’ he yelled, and soon everyone was yelling alongside him. Only moments later, a bang echoed around them and they were once again forced to silence.

‘He was killed while trying to sneak out of the castle grounds,’ Voldemort’s voice practically rung in lies, ‘killed while trying to save himself-’

He couldn’t stand it any longer. Neville launched himself from the crowd and charged towards the snake like man. A flash stopped him and he felt as his wand was stripped from his grip and he was pushed to the ground. He watched as Voldemort threw his wand to the side, laughing.

‘And who is this?’ Neville kept his glare steady as the woman who tortured his parents into insanity responded.

‘But you are a pure-blood, aren’t you, my brave boy?’ Voldemort asked after hearing who he was.

‘So what if I am?’ Neville demanded, building up as much courage he could muster.

He only listened slightly as the man he loathed threw him praises. ‘We need your kind, Neville Longbottom.’

‘I’ll join you when hell freezes over,’ he hissed back. ‘Dumbledore’s Army!’ he shrieked and received the support he was looking for. He heard all his fellow friends and fighters yell alongside him. Giving him the strength he needed to continue.

Voldemort became slightly irate, as he swished his wand and a window far up in the castle shattered. Neville stared wide eyed as the sorting hat dropped into Voldemort’s hands and was shaken by his twisted white bony fingers.

His wand now pointed down at Neville, he placed the hat upon his head. Neville saw only darkness as the hat slipped over his eyes and he was forced to stretch his hearing. He listened in fear as Voldemort stated that he’d be an ‘example’ for other students. He clamped his eyes shut tight, even while knowing it wouldn’t help.

Suddenly the insides of his eyelids turned bright red and a scorching pain surfaced on his scalp. Time slowed as the flame made its way down his body, leaving its burning trail. His scream rung through his mind, silent yet horrific.

His silent screams haunted him as time and reality were no more. H watched as his family and friends flashed in a messy montage before his eyes. He memorized their features, their smiles, assuming this would be his last moments.

If this was what I will have lived with, he thought as his final words. I’ve lived long enough. I am not afraid to die.

***

Harry stared down at the parchment, hoping it’d never leave his hands. He watched as the ink drawn feet walked down the halls of Hogwarts, seemingly not going anywhere. He watched as Ginny Weasley, the center of his world, safely survived the war.

He found himself spending many nights at this table, studying the same map, watching the same pair of footprints. He knew he had done the right thing ending it, yet he also knew he’d never leave her again. It was agonizing just being apart; to not be able to at least be sure she was alright.

So here Harry sat, staring at a piece of parchment while his two best friends slept soundly in their beds. Well maybe not soundly, since after all, they were in a life or death situation at the moment. He on the other hand, could not even begin to think about sleeping. She was all he thought about and it was worrying him to no end.

What if Voldemort went after her? What if Snape tortures her for information on him? Though those were only a few of the questions going through his mind.

He remembered their time together last year. Their walks around the lake, their night time adventures to the kitchens…

‘Don’t be silly, Harry,’ she said as her deep chocolate brown eyes glistened in mirth. ‘It’ll be at least another year before they realize it.’

He laughed loudly along with her, enjoying the moment. ‘Nah, I’m sure the two’ll discover their undying love for each other in no time.’

The two were sitting by the lake, in front of their favorite tree. Ginny lay against him, as he wrapped his arms comfortably around her waist.

‘I bet you they’ll be together by…’ she paused and started counting on her fingers, ‘January next year.’

‘If you say so,’ he whispered into her ear nuzzling her neck slightly.

‘Prat,’ she muttered as she flipped them over so now she was propped on her elbows beside him as he lay watching her.

‘You’re gorgeous, you know,’ Harry said in a serious tone as he watched the sun reflect against her auburn hair.

‘You flatter me so, Mr Potter,’ she giggled as she fiddled with the collar of his shirt.

‘Anything for you, m’dear,’ he whispered and laughed as a mischievous smile alighted on her face.


He sighed as he was brought back to reality and was simply left with the echoing of her laugh. He remembered how her chocolate eyes could turn him into a puddle of mush and her touch could send shivers through him.

As he remembered the red haired girl, he became aware of something new.

He was not afraid to die.

***

We do not save ourselves because there are better reasons to save others. Better reasons to die than to live. We do not save ourselves because we know one important thing…

We are not afraid to die.

His soft footsteps sounded like fog horns being blown inches from her ears as he paced the chamber. The large statue of Salazar Slytherin casted menacing shadows over his figure and made the fear even larger. I could only stare as he circled around me, speaking in his hiss-like voice.

‘You are weak,’ he stated as if he was merely speaking about the latest Quidditch match. ‘But you are still young. You could still help me much.’

‘I will never help you!’ I shrieked, my voice inching on hysteria. ‘I will never join you! You were supposed to be my friend! And you betrayed me!

‘Of course I betrayed you,’ he let out a laugh, regarding me as simply a silly child. ‘You were just a pawn in which I used in order to reach my goal. To reach
Harry Potter.

‘He won’t come,’ I stated, more for myself then him. ‘He barely notices me. He won’t come.’

He once again, laughed in my face.

‘Hmmm, how you are wrong, child,’ he tisked. ‘For our little hero is just about to arrive.’


Those memories, the ones I hold of my first year, are those even adults would never have to suffer through. Many regard me as the small child who was once infatuated with the Boy-Who-Lived.

I am Ginny Weasley, and I am much more.

I lived my years at Hogwarts trying to overcome the horrors that plagued my mind, but also my lovesick obsession with Harry Potter. I remember the days when I couldn’t even enter a room he was in without tripping over my own feet and mumbling something about jumpers.

But of course during my fifth year, finally he’d noticed me. I was going out with Harry Potter.

I could still remember those peaceful walks on the grounds, hand in hand. He would whisper sweet compliments in my ear that’d make me giggle and flush like no other Weasley could. He would gently run his finger down my cheek, caressing my face while gazing into my eyes. His intense green eyes were the only thing that’d show his past, the only thing that’d show his pain.

And I truly loved him. And I was certain that he felt the same. Even though he’d broken it off between us, I knew it was for his bloody noble reasons. Not because he didn’t want to be with me, no, because he thought he couldn’t be with me.

So in the end, he had the right intentions.

Though really, I wasn’t anymore safe here than with him. I was probably in even more danger, actually. Now I was forced to survive the war raging inside Hogwarts.

Even with the DA, who fought ruthlessly against all enemies, it was still a hard achievement. But I had a trick to survive the brutal torturing I received in detention, or the scathing comments I received from the few Slytherins that remained at the school.

I remembered the reasons I wasn’t afraid to die.

Hermione Granger. The smartest witch of her age, yet still lacking a bit in the common sense region. She was determined, brave and completely loyal. She was a friend.

Ronald Weasley. Though slightly dimwitted, he was brave like no other and trustworthy till the end. You could count on him for a good chess match or just someone to talk to. He was a brother.

Luna Lovegood. Though some say she’s loony and mad, I say she’s brilliant. She knew how to make the best out of life and see it all in her own view point. She was a best friend.

Neville Longbottom. He may seem shy and quiet at first, but inside he was truly a leader. He was beyond loyal and one of the bravest people I’d ever met. He was a partner in crime.

Harry Potter. Known as the Boy-Who-Lived, he was constantly portrayed as the hero but not actually a person in his own. He was selfless, modest and completely loyal to all his friends. He was always looking out for others, and placing himself in second place. He was a leader, a hero, and most of all, my Harry.

Some would say that death is the worst thing in life. But a wise man once said that ‘to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.’ So I can truly say that, no, I am not afraid to die. What are my reasons, you ask? Simple.

Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter.

The reasons I’m not afraid to die.

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