|SIYE Time:0:15 on 1st May 2017|
My Knight, My Harry
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Genres: Angst, Fluff, Romance
Summary: Taken From Chapter 34 of Deathly Hallows - The Forest Again. Ginny reflects on the one man in her life. PARTNER TO "MY ENDINGS ARE NEVER HAPPY."
Hitcount: Story Total: 7485; Chapter Total: 1944
As I watched my boyfriend’s retreating back, I only had one thing on my mind. And I think I’ll always remember it.
Come back to me Harry. I’ll wait forever, but please come back to me.
I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering to the worst possible thoughts. I had no doubt that Harry would definitely come back to me, but in what state was another question. Physically, I didn’t care. He could come back after being mauled by several hippogriffs and I wouldn’t leave him. I’d take him back no matter how he looked when he came out of it at the end.
Mentally, I knew Harry could never come home without scars to his mind. No, he was going to come back in bad condition mentally. I tried not to imagine myself after the Chamber, but it still haunted me even four years later. What sort of horrors would Harry see on his quest? It didn’t bare thinking about.
No, it could be a lot worse than mental or physical scars. When I next saw him, he could be motionless, pale, those beautiful eyes staring blankly into nothingness, turned cold and grey. What would I do if there was nothing left of him but an empty shell, a corpse with no life?
Worst thing was, it could easily happen, and I knew it.
Still, this was Harry Potter, and Harry Potter is no ordinary boy. The Boy Who Lived. The Chosen One. Perhaps there is something in those names that the papers keep giving him. I only hope they will keep calling him The Boy Who Lived when the dust settles.
But in the end, I’ll just keep calling him My Harry.
As soon as the funeral was done, everyone was taken home. Harry returned to Privet Drive, where he would be abused by his relatives as usual. I however, was going to go to the Burrow, where I would be looked after. Guilt didn’t help how I felt at that time.
Things were being planned all over the house. Firstly, we had the wedding to be planned, which was my mother’s department, but that didn’t stop her trying to rope everyone else into the equation. The major Order members could be seen plotting something as well, and in the short time I managed to eavesdrop, I knew it was to do with Harry. The final thing was a complete mystery to me. Ron got home, and almost locked himself in his room for the first week of summer. When Hermione came to the house, she too took to emerging only to use the bathroom. Of course, that’s all we found out. I think dad had an idea, but nobody else knew a thing, not even me.
The first thing to come to fruition was Harry’s rescue attempt. I was told my job, which was to make sure everyone got in safely and wait at home like a good little girl. I hated it, I didn’t see why I couldn’t go with them, but it was apparently too dangerous for little old me. Of course, the fact that I warded off an army of Death Eaters with only a group of five people helping fell on death ears. I was still too young, and it tore me apart.
So I was stuck at the Burrow, waiting for the first people to arrive. Ron should have been first, with Tonks, but his Portkey appeared and no-one was on the end of it. The same thing with Dad’s. The three of them, and Fred, could have been killed that night, and we wouldn’t even know. We wouldn’t find a body, they could have been anywhere. And it would leave our family destroyed.
But despite this, I was desperately waiting for the next Portkey, and my love. My Harry. He wouldn’t be long now. He and Hagrid would have made it back fine, I knew it.
And as soon as the thought came into my head, a bright blue flash could be seen. My heart fell, as the hairbrush came first, seemingly with no owner, but slowly, the forms of two people started to emerge and my heart skipped a beat. Seconds later, Harry was sitting on the floor of the Burrow, and I was dancing internally with joy, thanking some sort of spiritual being that graced us with such fortune. With a pang of guilt I realised that there was meant to be six people and there was only two. Still, nothing could betray my happiness now that my love was back
People flooded back into the house, and I barely paid attention to any of them, all my focus was on Harry. It wasn’t until the announcement of Mad-Eye’s death that I was brought back to my senses. However, it wasn’t the man’s death which perturbed me the most, it was the fact that it could have been any of them. It could have been my Harry who had been killed and never found. The very thought, even now, makes me shudder.
Harry’s birthday came about quicker than I expected, and I was fretting constantly about the fact I’d not been able to go out and get him something. He would understand, no doubt about that, but that’s not the point. The point was, it would look like I’d forgotten it. So I invited him into my room.
The kiss we shared was sweet and loving, exactly as I had planned it to be. It was the perfect gift for him to remember me by. I wasn’t scared he’d find someone else; I was scared he’d forget about me when the unthinkable happened.
The next plan that came about was Bill and Fleur’s wedding. And I was a bridesmaid. I did my best all day to look as beautiful as I could, for Harry. The dress I had was simple, because of course, nobody is supposed to outshine the bride on the wedding day, and especially not when the bride happens to be part Veela. But I knew I didn’t have to outshine Fleur for everyone, just Harry. I also knew it wouldn’t be too hard to do, but that didn’t stop me from pulling out all the stops.
The plan was simple; I just wanted to dance with Harry. It wasn’t too much to ask was it? Of course, this was messed up straight away by him using that stupid Polyjuice Potion to change himself into a Weasley look-alike. Not the most romantic thing possible. It just wouldn’t have felt right dancing with what appeared to be this boy I didn’t even know, no matter if it was Harry or not.
Secondly, the wedding was ruined. You could feel the fear in the air when Kingsley’s Patronus landed in the marquee, and it rose as soon as it began talking.
The ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming.
This statement was almost instantly followed by pops of Apparation all around, some by the visitors getting away, some by the new visitors just arriving. Death Eaters.
I searched for Harry as soon as it happened. I didn’t care if I was hurt in the process, I couldn’t see Harry getting injured, or worse. I wanted to protect him.
But as I looked, I couldn’t find him. It seemed as though he’d disappeared of the face of the planet. I knew he wouldn’t have been kidnapped, nobody could recognize him as Barney Weasley. So that left one option.
He’d left on his own. It seemed we finally learned what Ron was planning at the start of the summer. None of the trio could be found.
Where they’d gone, nobody knew. Everyone managed to drive the Death Eaters away from the Burrow, and there were no casualties. But the ensuing conversation soon came around to who was missing, and my dad announced what he knew.
He told us Harry, Ron and Hermione had to go look for something, and we were not to go after them. What they were doing was going to help bring Voldemort down. However, that was as far as his knowledge went. They all asked me if I knew anything, but I was crying too much to answer.
Harry was gone, and nobody knew where. Nobody could even protect him if he got into trouble. Ok, so Ron and Hermione were with him, but they can only do so much. To say I was scared was an understatement, I was bloody terrified.
And I didn’t get my dance with him.
I didn’t hear anything from Harry for weeks. My birthday went, and no sign from him, Ron or Hermione, not even a card. Not that I expected anything, but a girl is allowed to dream, isn’t she?
And dream I did. Every night I dreamed of his return. I didn’t know where he was, what he was doing, but I just wanted him home.
I remember just a couple of days after Bill and Fleur’s wedding, Remus turned up and told us he’d seen Harry. I’d begged him for hours to tell me where, but he said it was down to Harry to tell people. Didn’t anybody understand that I had the right just to see he was ok? Lupin’s word wasn’t enough for me; I needed to see him, to touch him. And I would be fine then.
School started, and I felt very empty as I sat with Luna and Neville on the train. Normally, Harry, Ron and Hermione would be with us, but they weren’t and it felt like there was a huge hole in the compartment. Of course, Malfoy came around, and I just wasn’t in the mood. He wasn’t happy either after he had my Bat Bogey hex for the second time in his life.
I could barely pay attention to any of my lessons. My mind simply wasn’t tuned for thinking anything but Harry. I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do and I hated it.
All the time I’d been fighting alongside Harry. Fourth year, and I joined him to try and save Sirius in the Department of Mysteries. Fifth year I fought at Hogwarts and defended it, one of the few students that did. But now, as Harry faced his toughest challenge, I couldn’t even hold him when things got hard.
Then Neville approached me, a couple of weeks into the year. Everyone knew he was trying to make a stand, and he was being punished for it. But he wanted me to help. He wanted to rebuild the DA and fight against the intruders in the school. There was a fire in his eyes like I’d never seen from him. I’d only ever seen that spark from Harry. I could tell he was serious, and whether I said yes or no, he was going to try. I didn’t have to think about it.
We started off pretty simple. Just trying to piss off the new teachers really. Being deliberately awkward. There wasn’t really a day where we didn’t have a detention, but I and Neville always had them together, so it was bearable. Soon, we had a whole host of people on our side, fighting against the Carrows and Snape. It felt liberating to actually have something to fight for, instead of feeling stuck with nowhere to go, like when Harry left me.
The punishments were severe. I had the Cruciatus curse used on me more times than I could count, and it wasn’t a gentle casting either. They normally got someone really skilled on me and Neville, because we were the main trouble makers, but we never gave in. I actually began to enjoy the punishments, in some sick, masochistic way. It stopped the pain for Harry from welling up inside me until I burst. Instead, I burst under the unforgivable curse. Now, I see it as some sort of learning experience. I’ve felt the Cruciatus curse at its worst, not a lot can hurt much more than that.
Neville and I decided we had to step it up in order to make a real impression on the Carrows. So far, simple insults may have wound them up, but we never did anything too bad. Now however, was the time. We didn’t have much to lose after all.
We started with a true round up of people to our cause. Everyone who used to be in the DA agreed instantly, and we even managed to get some others in on the act. Soon, the Carrows had an army of fifty students, led by me, Neville and Luna, on their hands. Sometimes, an entire class would be able to gang up on one of the teachers, and that’s when they really paid. It wasn’t unusual for two Carrows to take one lesson.
But other things needed to be done too. Several things in Hogwarts were priceless artifacts, and could be put in harm’s way if the Carrows and Snape got their grubby hands on them.
I personally, had an attachment to the sword of Gryffindor, which hung in the headmaster’s office. It had saved my life when on the end of Harry’s arm, and I couldn’t let it be damaged. It was also the only relic left of Gryffindor himself. So I chose that as my target artifact. I, Neville and Luna went for it. We managed to sneak into Snape’s office at dinner and tried to take it. Typically though, with Snape being the greasy git that he is, he walked in on us.
The only thing that stopped us was when we came back from the Christmas holidays. We arrived back, heads held high, looking to create more mischief against the Carrows, and we noticed something was gone. Then we heard all about it from a Ravenclaw girl who was Luna’s friend.
Luna had been taken away, apparently immediately after she stepped off the train at the start of the holidays. I couldn’t believe I’d missed it. But now, we definitely missed her. It’s surprising how good that girl’s mind is when it comes to making people pay.
So we had to slow down slightly with our escapades. We didn’t stop, but we returned to how we were before, harassing people whenever the opportunity arose, and generally causing mayhem when possible. I was so happy to grow up as the sister of Fred and George. They taught me so much.
The time seemed to fly by incredibly fast. Soon, it was Easter, and I was taken home to the Burrow. I didn’t realise that this was the last time I’d go to Hogwarts. I was taken to Aunt Muriel’s, and hidden away from the world. I didn’t even get a chance to tell Neville I was going anywhere.
Once again I felt left out of everything. The mayhem we caused at Hogwarts, and the subsequent punishments, had taken away the feeling that Harry left me with. The feeling that I was indeed useless. Just a small child in a game for adults, where all the rules were designed to stop me from doing anything. I couldn’t even leave the house, or write letters to anyone. I had nothing to keep me from wallowing in my self-pity.
I’d heard nothing about Harry since Professor Lupin told us he was safe at Grimmauld Place. I was still so scared that he wasn’t coming back to me. I didn’t know whether he was alive or dead. There was nothing in the news, no rumors, no word from him. Nothing at all.
Until one day, Bill apparated in to the front room, a huge smile on his face. He said just one sentence.
“Harry’s at Shell Cottage”
Then I jumped on him and squeezed the life out of him. It was the news I’d been waiting for. I begged him to take me to my Harry, but he refused, saying that Harry needed time alone. He wouldn’t go into specifics, but I knew better than to argue with Bill. He was the oldest and most down-to-earth brother, and I knew he wouldn’t deny me unless it was necessary.
Apparently, Harry stayed at Shell Cottage for a few weeks. Bill gave us regular updates whenever he came over, but he refused to allow anyone to see him, saying Harry had wished it. I don’t know if it was the truth or if Bill knew what I did.
I knew if Harry saw me, he’d want to stop whatever he was doing and come home to us. He wouldn’t be able to stand it. He may be strong, but Harry was thrown in to this unwillingly, and he’d give anything to get out of it. His resolve could have crumbled any second, and Bill didn’t want that.
So I waited, like a good little girl, helpless and alone. I tried my best to keep myself busy, but unsuccessfully, and my mind always wandered back to those deep green eyes, and the messy, black hair.
I couldn’t wait until I had him back in my arms.
So then imagine my horror when Bill turned up and said Harry had left. He’d just disappeared with a Goblin, Hermione and Ron. Merlin knows what they were doing. A Goblin would suggest Gringott’s but exactly what, was a mystery. Bill knew nothing about it apparently, and had only advised Harry to be careful with the Goblin.
Another couple of days of anxiety passed, when I felt a burning in my pocket. Neville was trying to contact me using the secret coins Hermione developed for the DA. I looked at the message.
“HARRY’S BACK, WE’RE FIGHTING”
I rushed to Fred and George, the only people in the house with me, and showed them straight away. They didn’t say a word, but grabbed their wands and got in contact with mum and dad, before grabbing me and heading for Hogsmeade.
We apparated directly into Aberforth’s pub, the Hog’s Head, and walked straight into the passageway leading to the Room of Requirement. Behind us, the air was filled with pops as others apparated to the pub. They all followed us along the passageway, wands drawn, stern looks on their faces.
I felt uplifted with the support that people were showing Harry. The fact that they had received the message was a mean feat, as I expected most to have thrown their coins away or spend them. But no, everyone here supported Harry, and was willing to die for him. Like he’d nearly died for so many people before.
I stepped out into the Room of Requirement, and there he was, standing before me. It wasn’t romantic, but like the first time at the train station, and when he saved me down in the Chamber, there was a huge sense of attraction towards him that no-one else would have ever seen.
He was covered in blood and boils where some previous heroic act had obviously made its mark. But like every time I saw him, he looked determined, and I knew this was the end of it all. He was going to finish it. And he was going to live through it.
Because he was My Harry.
He was asking about something to do with Ravenclaw, I didn’t really listen to the conversation too much; I was too concentrated on him. However, when Cho stood up to show My Harry to the Ravenclaw common room, I stepped in. Luna was the perfect candidate, not Cho Chang. Luna wasn’t going to attempt to steal Harry from me for a start. And Harry had less chance of being taken willingly with Luna. I couldn’t deny Cho’s beauty, and Harry’s attraction to her before. I wasn’t worried, but taking precautions.
When Harry left, we began to start talking strategy. Other people flooded into the room, members of the Order, who had received the message from Fred and George.
It seemed like and eternity before Harry came back, in the meantime I’d been told off by mum almost as many times as I had by the Carrows. Finally, Harry came to my rescue, as he normally did, and announced it was time to fight, to the cheering of the crowd. Everyone crowded out, and I tried to follow, but I wasn’t allowed. Too young, again. I was fighting Death Eaters when I was 14, but I’m not allowed to now I’m 16. That’s logic for you.
So I was left in the Room of Requirement, waiting, with Tonks and Neville’s Grandmother. Not the most pleasant experience of my life, and I was bored stupid, but at least I was safe. Of course, I was worried sick about Harry, who was out there fighting.
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, he came back in to us, and told me to leave. I don’t know why, but I was just happy to go out to the fight. Now I could go out there and prove how strong I really was, prove that I could fight and survive, and I wasn’t some silly little girl who needed protecting.
I stuck around with Tonks, because she told me to. She said mum would kill her if something happened, so I had to have her as an escort. I didn’t mind, Tonks was actually confident enough to let me out. I think if it wasn’t for my mother, she’d have let me go out alone.
We started by firing spells from the top floor. It wasn’t easy to pick out some of the small, ant-like targets and hit them spot on, but I proved I could do it when my first shot hit a green-light-firing Death Eater and he crumpled to the floor. Still, I and Tonks were limited in our movements, so we had to move. And there was only one way to go.
Down to the battlefield.
Tonks told me to watch out as we went, but soon shut up when I stunned a Death Eater who was dueling with Michael Corner. He shot me a swift smile, but I didn’t repay the favour, I was too concentrated on the battle.
I hoped beyond hope that Harry was ok. I didn’t see him anywhere, I could only assume he was still much higher up in the castle, doing whatever he had to do. I didn’t have much time to look for him, but the thought fuelled my emotions until I reached a stunning frenzy. Soon, Death Eaters began to realise how much damage I was doing to their ranks, and me and Tonks were pinned down by four of them.
Me and Tonks nodded to each other, and fired off two stunning spells, which hit their mark and the targets fell to the floor hard. A third stunner was shouted from somewhere over to my left, and I saw Remus rushing to his wife’s side. As the third Death Eater dropped, I heard the worst two words.
I turned towards the voice quickly, to see if I was going to die. But I wasn’t the one to receive the killing curse. It was aimed right at Tonks, and she couldn’t move. She was frozen in fear. I shouted as loud as I could, but nothing happened, as the green light streaked towards her.
I saw someone moving like the wind past me, and launch their body in front of Tonks. The green light hit Remus directly above his heart, and he was blasted back by the force, and lay there, unmoving. I rushed to his side, tears starting to flood my eyes. The battle had almost stopped for me. I only cared about my former professor now. He was gone.
Was this the fate for Harry too?
I heard a wail of fury and turned in shock to see Tonks racing after the Death Eater, who was laughing manically. The two of them left my sight and disappeared, racing into the night. I saw a singular flash of green, then silence. I knew someone must have been killed. I moved towards where they were slowly, and saw Tonks lying on the ground in a heap, no life moving behind her eyes. I bent down slowly, and closed her eyes so she could rest in peace.
I barely heard Voldemort’s call to put a halt to the battle, until he mentioned Harry’s name. He wanted Harry to give himself up to him. He wanted Harry to die. I felt helpless once again. Harry was being called out by the darkest wizard to ever have lived, and I couldn’t even find him to tell him not to go. No, I was helpless. I did the only thing I could do at the time. I pointed my wand at Tonks’s body and moved her over to her husband, then, with a feat of magical power I didn’t know I had, I lifted the two of them easily and levitated them into the Great Hall.
I saw the rest of my family huddled together in the centre of the hall, and presumed they were wondering about my death. I wasn’t with them, so they didn’t know what was happening. I slowly put Remus and Tonks down, and saw what my family was huddled around.
Fred was lying on the floor, pale, with eyes closed. His face was still pushed into a smile, like he was still laughing, like he always did in life. But there was no life, just a cold chill, which you’d never associate with a Weasley twin.
My whole world fell apart. I ran over to Bill and grabbed on to him around the waist, and cried into his shoulder. I felt his arm wrap around mine, and felt someone else stroking my hair.
Now that I was closer, I could properly see and hear everything. Mum was wailing, her body spread across Fred’s protectively. My dad knelt next to her, a hand on her back, the other stroking his sons face, silent tears falling down his own. Percy knelt on the other side of Dad, and was sobbing uncontrollably, but no tears seemed able to fall. He seemed to have cried himself out. Charlie sat at Fred’s head, a hand gripped in his brother’s hair. George had completely broken down, slightly apart from the body, he sat with his arms around his knees, and I could hear him muttering his twin’s name over and over. Bill and Ron were the ones who were holding me tight. I could hear them both crying, but they seemed too concentrated on me to be able to grieve properly.
I raised my head to the enchanted ceiling a let out a huge, grief ridden scream. The sound came as no shock to the other people in the hall, it wasn’t the first that had been sounded tonight. I screamed in agony until my lungs gave out, before turning my head away and pushing Bill and Ron off me.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was running. No-one protested, nobody said a word about me leaving. If they did, I didn’t hear it anyway. I couldn’t hear anything, everything had gone numb. My body had gone into autopilot and had carried me out of the Castle and into the night.
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs leading into the grounds and fell to my knees, sadness once again overcoming my body. Soon though, my tears had dried up. I couldn’t cry any longer.
Nearby, there was a great cry of pain, startling me out of my thoughts. I stood shakily and meandered over to where the noise had come from. Immediately, I wished I hadn’t. The sight that greeted me nearly made me throw up.
A girl lay spread-eagled on the ground. Her leg was broken, twisted at a funny angle away from her body, and blood stained the front of her robes. She looked no more than fifteen. A rebel fighter, who’d disobeyed the rules to fight for what she had believed was right, and paid the ultimate price.
I stepped over to her slowly, careful not to scare her and put any additional strain on her frail self. Carefully I knelt beside her, and she turned her head towards me. “My mother, have you seen her? Is she ok?” Her voice was diminishing, as though it was sapping her of all her energy.
“I’m sure she’s fine” I replied, brushing a strand of auburn hair off her forehead.
“I want my mother” she whispered softly. My heart broke for her. I knew nothing of this girls mother, but the carnage around me left little hope.
“It’s all right,” I said gently, “It’s OK. We’re going to get you inside”
The girls eyes widened, a look of pure fear taking over. I watched as she clearly tried to shake her head, but couldn’t move enough to complete the action. “but I want to go home,” she whispered to me, her voice breaking again. “I don’t want to fight any more!”
“I know,” I whispered back, not trusting myself to speak with a full voice. “It’s going to be all right”
I took her hand gently in mine and squeezed comfortingly. The girl moved her mouth again, as if trying to saying something else, but I shushed her, not wanting her to expend more energy. I whispered soft words of care into her ear.
Behind me, I heard the flick of a cloak, and my head spun around quickly. But nobody was there. My eyes screwed up as I scanned the night for a sign of anyone. My thoughts were brought back to the girl when I heard a great rattling breath. I spun back around, just as the girl stopped moving, her eyes rolled to the back of her head.
My heart broke, but I couldn’t cry. I’d done too much crying tonight. Slowly, I closed the girl’s eyes and said a soft goodbye, before lowering her limp hand across her chest. I stood and pulled out my wand, ready to do the difficult task of delivering the girl’s body to anyone who wanted it, if there was anybody left for this girl. I couldn’t help but think it might have been better for the girl to have no relative to collect the body. She’d be happy where she was now.
Slowly, I walked with the girl’s body floating carefully in front of me. I climbed the stairs, and entered the castle once more, making a bee-line for the Great Hall. As I walked in, no families ran to me, desperate to see their daughter. Nobody moved, except the small cluster of red-heads who looked in my direction. Slowly, I guided the young girl down to the edge of the room, and laid her out on the floor, quickly bending over and placing her arms across her chest as a last show of respect.
Then I broke, and ran back into the embrace of Bill, who welcomed me back with open arms. I listened as he whispered to me about great deeds, making the Weasley’s proud, and becoming a mature young woman.
It seemed like an eternity passed, before Neville, my partner in crime, came walking up to the family. He apologized for interrupting, but said he had to tell us all something. Eight tear stained faces whipped around to his, which looked close to breakdown too. He stumbled over the words before he managed to spit out.
“Harry’s gone to him, I saw him walking to the forest. He tried to lie to me but-“
The rest of his sentence was cut off by my screaming. I fell to my knees, gripping Bill around the legs as tight as I could and screamed to heaven.
My Harry had walked to his death.
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